Difference in lifestyle current V previous relationship

30 replies

latenightlights · 10/07/2025 23:36

Prepared to get flamed for it so I'm in for a reality check.

I'm with DP for almost 2 years now. All good, calm and happy relationship. He has DS form a previous relationship. His ex cheated on him twice, after the second time he left (DS was 6 at the time, not sure if this is relevant). It has been 3 years ago.
He has been mentioning the lifestyle they had, how he worked a lot to provide so she could be at home and didn't have to work, how they had top spec furniture, appliances, holidays and so on. And how he left it all to her when he left. That's also including his dog whom she wanted to keep to feel safer.

We don't have that. Even when he buys something now for his house, knowing we are going to be living together soon, it is not anywhere close to what he had in his previous life. He is adamant he loves me so much, that he has been looking for me all his life, is happiest he has ever been and that he sees our future together. But because I know that he put much more effort in the previous relationship, and wanted to have a nice lifestyle there, but isn't as bothered here I don't know how to feel. Do I not deserve at least the same effort if he is happier here? Am I looking at this from wrong place?

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

OP posts:

Original poster

latenightlights · 11/07/2025 09:19

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 11/07/2025 08:52

I admit this had not occurred to me, but now I’ve read it I’m rethinking my own response to this. It does sound like a very real possibility.

OP is there any way you can check if what he’s saying is true?

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There is no way I can check it. He doesn't badmouth her at all. I have met her and she is nice and pleasant to be around, their DS is well looked after by both of them. The have a good parenting relationship.

He is reliable and always keeps his word which doesn't give me a reason to doubt what he says. Left all the stuff there because he says they also benefit his DS. Which is absolutely right and I do understand that.

OP posts:

Isitreallysohard · 11/07/2025 09:21

Leave this loser. Why does he keep talking about his ex??

Original poster

latenightlights · 11/07/2025 09:26

Onthewaytothemountains · 11/07/2025 09:08

I don't think you're being superficial. You're not saying you want these things. You just don't understand the change and worry that he values your life together differently. My gut is that he knows this didn't make any difference so he has changed his attitude, but I think you should explain you find this a bit hurtful and confusing, and you ought to be able to discuss it at least once.

This is exactly how I feel. Hence I am here for the reality check to see whether this is valid point or totally unreasonable x

OP posts:

Splishsplas · 11/07/2025 09:36

Suednymph · 11/07/2025 00:32

Sounds like a future faker. They all were the victim, they all left their ex who cheated on them or abused them in some way with the house and the dog and all the mod cons cos they are just such good men. I smell a rat with this one sorry op.

Fuck me

namechangetheworld · 11/07/2025 10:22

My DH would happily choose the cheapest possible option every time, with no thought regarding quality, enjoyment or longevity. Food brands, white goods, cars, clothing, you name it, cheapest option EVERY time. I can guarantee his ex was the one pushing him to buy the more expensive things, a lot of men people just don't give a shit about that stuff.

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