Some toddlers are just calmer than others?

[Leahjx]

I just seen a tik tok and I always see them where its like "what i do to help tantrums" etc and its just stuff like saying basic statements etc

I used to look and think whats am I doing wrong. Why wouldn't this work with my now 3yo who has been prone to tantrums and meltdowns since he became a toddler. Ones that were so hard to work through and now his speech is getting better (he's 3.5) its getting slightly easier. But if he's tired / little bit hungry its a major one and I just go through them with him I cant stop them in the tracks

Am I silly to think some kids are just calmer than others? I feel like i see so many laidback toddlers but I know I'm not alone. Some are just more emotional and my son had a speech delay which must've frustrated him more

But when I see videos saying they tell their toddlers "squeak squeak mouses quiet voices on" - most likely would not work when my toddler is flipping out

i think you’re right. But some parents of those calm children will be sure it’s their superior parenting skills

My 7 year old has always been a hyper, higher needs child.

As a baby, he ALWAYS cried. As a toddler, he was always shrieking and running around. As a 7 year old, he's constantly vocally and physically stimming. He rarely sits down for longer than 5 minutes.

Some kids are calmer than others, and it's hard, but it's also okay. It's okay for them to not be calm and it's okay for you to get overwhelmed. Be gentle with yourself, if you're not already being. ❤

I had calm, easy going toddlers that rarely had a tantrum. Start work in early years was a real eye opener on how some toddlers behave. There is definitely a difference how they all behave. Consistency and boundaries really help in a lot of cases, even though it can be hard work initially.

My daughter would cry at the drop of a hat. She would scream and act like we were hurting her. My son, her twin, was the calmest baby ever. It’s crazy how different they can be

This is why I left mainstream social media.

it's total bolloks, mostly made up stuff for clicks and views and is not representative of the poster's reality.

Delete TikTok. Trust me on this one!

Children are born with different temperaments.

My first born was an easy baby, never had a tantrum as a toddler and is a delight as a teenager.
If I'd stopped with the first I could have written a parenting book 😂

Oh, definitely. Some babies and infants are naturally more intense and emotionally expressive than others, temperament of both child and parent is a huge part of the experience. Of course how they are parented is important but it’s daft to apply the same advice to every kid.

Toddlers are humans all humans have different temperaments and personalities

100% agree. Mine was quite an easy toddler and as much as I hope I am a good parent, I'm certain that was just his personality!

Oh yes.

I had twins.
completely different personalities.

Videos like this annoy me.

I get that (most) people making them are coming from a good place and trying to share some help/advice about what works for them and their child but you need to remember that it’s all staged.
I don’t mean staged as in the 2 year old in the video is acting but the parent obviously sets up recording their child when they’re having a tantrum/meltdown (weird in itself to video them during such a vulnerable time IMO but anyway…) and then they try these calming ‘tips’.
They then post the video of the time it did work. They don’t post the 30+ other videos of the times it didn’t work….
Also, there could be lots of reasons some children calm more quickly than others. Like you say, your child had a speech delay so was likely far more frustrated than a child his age without a speech delay.
Plus, at the end of the day, toddlers are humans too! And all humans are different. There are adults who are more ‘hot headed’ than others or there are those who could calm more quickly from certain situations than others for example.
Each child is different and everyone parents differently, you know what works and what doesn’t for your child and that’s all that matters (:

Yes I agree OP. I had two calm DC and then DC3's mission in life was to teach me not to be a smug parent!

All my kids are completely different i have 3 one is the calmest most laid back person you would ever meet i dont know i have him. Another one is an angel until she hears the word no then all hell breaks loose. Then the 3rd one very clingy very nervous and very emotional. They where all parented pretty much the same.

Definitely. My first was hard work. My second very easy until she turned 4.

They’re all different and just because toddlers might appear calm, unless you see them 24 hrs a day you don’t know.

Tantrums aren’t a big deal and are perfectly age appropriate for a toddler. Both my dc were early talkers so we didn’t have too many tantrums. When they did we knew all about it though

I had an absolute nightmare of a toddler in dd1😆 impulsive and bitey. No sense of danger. She is a delightful teenager now! Though she still has a naughty glint in her eye! Ds on the other hand was very placid and no tantrums ever but possibly due to this, he struggled with nursery. He just wanted calm. He's relaxed still now though at 11. I did nothing different with them.

Every single person on this planet is slightly different. We all have different temperaments and also different upbringings. The age old argument of 'nature vs nurture' comes into play here although personally I think someone's personality is just how they are and external factors won't bare much on that. Parenting does come into it but more so in the case of said child becoming able to be a functioning human adult at a later date. Kids are kids, they operate in mysterious ways! I would love to see inside my kids heads and see what their thought processes are! Older one is mental and younger one is dead calm (although classically you hear of it being the other way around and the first being quieter and calmer than the second!!)

Absolutely! The toddlers in my family can tantrum for England. People marrying into the family should be warned this is a thing. They grow out of it, maybe because of our amazing parenting

My eldest was a total twat when he hit toddlerhood, my 2nd born was the most placid laidback kid in the universe. DD was easy too.
It's all about personality and as I told my eldest when he had his DDs, your trainee parenting happens on your eldest. By the time you get to no.2 and beyond you are far more adaptable.
Just my experience.

Of course they are...

But it is also quite impossible to separate most of it between natural and parental causes. It will be a bit of both, but how much is down to less than optimal parenting, and how much is down to genetics/physical/mental/personality aspects of your toddler, is always up for debate.

As a small side point though, defending differences by saying "I had 2-3 kids and they are different" doesn't work, because those 3 children didn't grow up in the same environment. Parents change after having their first child because they are much more experienced, and the second child obviously has to navigate life with an ever-present older sibling, that the first didn't have to deal with, whereas the first has the influence of a baby etc. Very significant early environmental differences... it is hard therefor to say that the differences between them are all natural, and not from these environmental changes.

Of course - children aren’t born like a blank slate, they come out with a personality, and although as a parent you can help bring the best out (or conversely, make them worse) it’s not as simple as nature OR nurture, it’s both.
Every human is slightly different and some people are “go with the flow” types, whereas others thrive with routine and boundaries.

Absolutely. DD (my 3rd and final child) was the worse for tantrums by far. She was such a stubborn toddler, 45 mins of kicking and screaming and you didn’t dare go near her. If she had an afternoon nap, I had to let her wake naturally as she was a horror if still tired and woken early. My mum commented once that ‘there is something wrong with this child’! I do think she is possibly on the spectrum, but this has only become apparent to her dad and I in the last 2yrs and it was picked up as a possibility in a health appt so hoping to get it confirmed before uni next year.

Anyway, she is 17 now, and when I tell people about the tantrums they cannot believe it. She has never so much said a single negative word to me during her teen years. She is not a teen who will shout and scream and slam doors. She will silently retreat to her room, and not come out for some time if upset. DS (21) is the same, and I do think its a mix of personality, but also the fact I am very chilled and never raise my voice or stress out over day to day things. I don’t think i’m any kind of super parent by any stretch, as i’m really not, but I do think at toddler age it’s largely just their personality, and some are much more chilled than others.

Children are definitely born with their own personalities. Any of us who are parents will know that our child had their character from the day they were born ;)

I’m sure I’m going to get slammed for this, but I genuinely believe it’s what they’re fed and what they eat. There’s so much we still don’t know about the effects of different foods. UPF has a huge impact on mind, body and soul.

Haha, spot on! Luckily I never became a smug mum but rather a surprised one when DS2 turned out to be the most calm little boy you can imagine. Especially after the tornado DS1 this was very refreshing. And... it also reassured me that my parenting skills had nothing to do with their innate personnality!