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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be so confused about money borrower?

18 replies

NowIveSeenEverything · 10/07/2025 21:27

A school mum acquaintance (she's been round a few times because her kids are an absolute delight and my son's best friend) has asked to borrow money 4 times in 10 days. When i have agreed (i said no twice) and transferred it, she pays it back the next day as she suggests, but then asks again that evening. Wtf is this about?

She says it's a benefits thing, but that doesn't ring true. It's very small amounts, and for background, she works v part time, both her and dp are low wages, on UC. I've been a little concerned as I've still never set eyes on her partner (though the kids mention dad as if he is very much about and normal, assume shift work), have spotted 2 black eyes on her in 2 years, and lately their life seems chaotic with weird random appointments, always something to rush home for etc. Something is off and I don't know if I'm over reacting to speak to the school about it? Im not stupid or naive by any means, but I'm stumped as to what's going on. The kids seem fine, well cared for, extremely polite, not obviously neglected.

OP posts:
londongirl12 · 10/07/2025 21:31

Can you have a sit down with her and tell her you’re worried about her and ask what’s going on?

whistlesandbells · 10/07/2025 21:38

What is very small amount?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/07/2025 21:56

My over active mind wonders if she's borrowing and paying back next day in order to let you think she can repay quickly...

Hopefully not building up trust in you towards asking for a significant amount then not repaying.

Maybe not...
As I say, just my first thoughts.

Annony331 · 10/07/2025 22:10

Sounds like a long con.

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 10/07/2025 22:11

How much is it?

NowIveSeenEverything · 10/07/2025 22:14

It's £10. Dh thinks it could be a long con too!

I have gently spoken to her and asked if she's okay, what's going in, but I feel like I'm getting lies because the answers don't add up. She said she was sanctioned by UC this month, but why would that mean she could pay me back the next day, but then need it again?! Same if it was a weekly child benefit payment.

OP posts:
Noshadowsinthedark · 10/07/2025 22:14

If you know her fairly well, could you not sit down and ask if she’s ok?

Noshadowsinthedark · 10/07/2025 22:16

Sorry crossed post. Totally clueless but someone will be able to help…

Motnight · 10/07/2025 22:16

I'd start refusing to loan her any money whatsoever.

Love51 · 10/07/2025 22:16

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/07/2025 21:56

My over active mind wonders if she's borrowing and paying back next day in order to let you think she can repay quickly...

Hopefully not building up trust in you towards asking for a significant amount then not repaying.

Maybe not...
As I say, just my first thoughts.

Mine too.

BunnyRuddington · 10/07/2025 22:18

I would stop the loans if it was me. Fine to say rhat you’re there if she needs you but something has come up and unfortunately you won’t have any spare cash for the foreseeable.

AdoraBell · 10/07/2025 22:20

I would say - sorry I can’t spare anything.

goodnightgrumble · 10/07/2025 22:22

Bet it is online gambling. Don't lend the money x

NowIveSeenEverything · 10/07/2025 22:29

I hadn't even thought of gambling! How would she have the money the next day always though from that?

No I've cut it off now. If someone was having issues or needed help nearing payday or a benefit payment, that would be different, but so often is weird. I don't like being lied to and that's clearly what's happening. She seems like a good mum, but as I said, she's an acquaintance not a friend, so I don't know her that well. I hope things are ok at home is all, it's got my hairs tingling.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 11/07/2025 05:57

Suggest she gets a crisis loan from the benefits agency, or whatever it's called now

Secretsquirels · 11/07/2025 06:03

In a context where you’re already worried about abuse, this could also be that DH is controlling the money, and won’t give it to her without a receipt first.

I would mention to school, hopefully they’ll offer some food bank vochures or something which as a minimum.

FourLove · 11/07/2025 07:27

Does she take the money as a payment into her bank account and return it as cash? If so could be money laundering. Careful.

NowIveSeenEverything · 11/07/2025 07:49

She returns it as cash or bank transfer.

OP posts:
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