To think my situation will be worse?

[Triplefivetripletwo]

I am due to return back to work from maternity leave soon, working 3 days a week. DS will be in nursery for those days and his funding won’t kick in until October. Upon sitting down and calculating our budget, we will be barely making ends meet and the whole thing just makes me feel as though I’m making a wrong decision returning to work. I know we will have a little bit more money when DS’s funding comes into play but I need some advice to help me see the bigger picture as it’s all seeming really pointless at the moment

Pension and financial independence. These are priceless.

It's 8 - 10 weeks of scrimping and saving.

Enjoy the light evenings and the fact the weather is lovely. Plenty of free things to do.

@Triplefivetripletwo

Coming from the other side. Agree with this poster. This is absolutely priceless and it is not pointless.

We chose a childminder in part for these issues.
If you left your job would you be able to walk back into the same position in October or later? I had similar thoughts when I first went back, even more after my second but now 5 years later I’m glad I kept working for the long term effect on my career, pension and independence

Would you have to leave OP or could you take extended mat leave? How do you feel about your job? I wouldn’t leave a job that I enjoyed just for the sake of a short period of time and there would be no guarantee of getting something else.

It is absolutely insane to reduce your work to money in-money out.

Your pension, your track record, your trajectory are all priceless.

Don’t let anyone come and mete out the usual lines of “you’ll be worse off hun, and they’re only little for so long xxx”. Every stage of parenting is challenging, unique and beautiful. Your career and sense of self do not come in an either or binary with your love for your child.

Are you married? Would you be able to take off a few more months?

Think about the longer term. Much better to keep your hand in - it will give you more options in the future. I know women who left high-flying careers to have kids and then five or ten years later when the kids were settled at school the world had changed so much that they couldn’t get back in at anywhere near the same level.

Think about your pension, career progression etc it’s only a few weeks before funding kicks in

It’s the unfortunate reality of having young children, but it’s not forever. I’m in a similar situation so I do understand but I just accept this is the way it is until the children are at school. It will go quickly and once those nursery fees stop you’ll be much better off financially and for the fact you’ll have 4-5 years of pay rises (hopefully) under your belt.

You are only eligible for those funded hours as long as you are working. If you plan to have anymore children you will be so grateful for those hours just to get you through pregnancy and maternity leave. Pregnancy, work and a toddler is kicking my butt right now but I’m so glad for the nursery hours to give me a break and feel less guilty for not having the energy my DD deserves right now. Plus I think I would go mad with a toddler and baby at home all day every day. I don’t always like my job but it gives me adult conversation and a chance to switch my brain off of “mum mode”. I do think I’m a better and more patient mum for having that mental break from the childcare (and toddler tantrums!)

What's the deal with October? How come?

I administer funding claims as a childminder, snd it's done termly so should either start September or January.

Are you sure his funding will start in October? In my area the funding only kicks in at the start of each term, so if the child is 9 months before 31st Aug, funding will start in September, if they turn 9 months between 1st Sep and 31st Dec then funding will start the January after. I was under the impression that was the case everywhere but I might be wrong.

You need to lean in. Are you a single parent? Or part of a couple?

It drives me nuts to hear women saying my salary barely covers child care when they have a partner/husband. It is a JOINT cost for the couple.

Not saying it isn’t tough, but think long term, speaking as a long in the tooth mother who had to figure out those choices and latterly a grandmother who has helped and supported next generations - do not sacrifice your progression and future financial security.

Use unpaid parental leave to go back 4 weeks later?

Also a bit confused at the October start for funding.

It's September, January or April. The term after your child becomes eligible.

I really enjoyed my MAT leave and didn’t want to return to work, but as DC got older I really started to value that few hours a day to have a coffee/ go to the toilet/ each lunch in peace and be myself rather than just mum

There are 5 days midweek, you work 3 of them. That means your salary is effectively responsible for half a day, as you are looking after your child the other 2 days. The other parents (DH/DW/DP) salary is responsible for the other 2.5 days. Your salary is not paying out for that childcare, you are bringing money into the family. Your partner/husband/wife could flex hours, compress hours or also work part time to reduce the childcare bill

You just need to look at the threads on here to see how badly some relationships end up with Mums relying on the Dads financially that go off and have an affair or leave. The Mum is then is a crap situation

Pension and career

I know that when you child is small you focus on those precious years. However, a child with good primary attachment will generally be fine looked after by other responsible people (grandparents or professional carers), and they may even gain some benefits from socialising with other children and being exposed to other situations and environments.

For me the bigger challenge was when dc were teens. In tricky times I was so very glad that I'd maintained a career and gained sufficient seniority that I could be more flexible to provide support to dc. Then eventually I was able to become self-employed and tailor my working hours to what was needed.