Advise on what to discuss moving forward after a separation!!

[Beetiq]

I couldn’t find where to put this post!!

Unfortunately my 9 year relationship has ended. We have three kids 5, 3 & 1. I have been a SAHM for about 5 years so have no money. My ex decided to end the relationship at a time when our landlord gave us notice to move out cos he wants to sell the house. He has got a place to move to while the kids and I are now on the list for social housing. I want to discuss things like child maintenance, co-parenting….etc. We were cohabiting so I wouldn’t get anything from him. We have been renting, so can’t stay in the house. He has been married before and had a mortgage, ex wife stayed in the house with their son. He will soon get some money from the sale of the house. He also has a flat he wants to sell soon. I have been thinking about my rights to get him to agree to give the kids some money when he sells his flat or when he gets his share from his ex wife from the sale of the house. This is not for me but the kids so they have something for their future. Am just worried that if I don’t get some money for the kids (put in a trust), that he could easily spend all the money and kids will have nothing. AIBU? Can you please advise me on what else I can discuss with him? Thanks.

Have you started uc claim? Is the plan for 50/50 custody? Am sure with new regulations you can claim the childcare fees for even 1yo when you're back in work.

If his name is on the children’s birth certificates, then he has parental responsibility…..which also includes financial responsibility.
He doesn’t have the option to simply not give you any money for the children 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you can’t come to an agreement between yourselves, you make a claim with CMS and they will take the money from him.
Same with arrangement for your children, who they live with, visitation time with the non-resident parent etc - you either come to an agreement between yourselves or it will need to go through family court to get a child arrangement order in place.
Also as for your financial situation, I know social housing is in short supply, as it was when I left my exH. I was on the list and high-priority as a single mum with 3 children, but was told quite plainly: the shortage of social housing meant that I’d likely be offered temporary accommodation which could be a family room in a hotel.
So instead, I contacted citizens advice, and with the help of a wonderful advisor there, we worked out what help I’d be entitled to from universal credit housing-wise. I was entitled to housing allowance which ended up covering most of my rent for a private rental house. Child element for the two eldest children, and could claim 85% of my childcare costs back, which allowed me to up my hours at work from part time up to full time.
Your 3 year old may qualify for 30 free nursery hours, under the program for low income families who qualify for 30 hours from 2 years old. Your 1 year old may also qualify once they turn 2.
That’s how I managed it. I had 2 jobs - a Monday-Friday office job and then part time bar shifts on the weekends when the children were with their dad. My youngest got her 30 free nursery hours and then I paid for the extra I needed to cover my work hours (85% of which could then be claimed back through UC), and I used an after-school club for the eldest and middle ones to cover the 2 hours between school finishing and me finishing work.

Its hard. And it all feels like you’re going to drown at first. But once you’ve got it all in place, you’ll learn to swim OP ❤️

@CaptainFutureyes I have applied for UC, i think it kicks in at the end of this month. He will have the kids on weekends.

@MsNevermorethank you for your advise, very detailed and has really got me thinking about the housing situation. If am honest the housing situation is really freaking me out, so I am going to call Citizens advise tomorrow and explore what u have mentioned. I am also onto CMS for child maintenance as my ex is a nightmare, we can’t talk without him getting nasty. At the moment I feel like am sinking but I know I will be okay. Thank you

What you’re feeling is totally normal - it really does feel like you’re entering an alien planet with no idea how to navigate it. But once you’ve got all the information and got the ball rolling, everything will fall into place, and you’ll be ok ❤️

@MsNevermorethank you, means a lot.

Every weekend?? How is that going to work when all the kids are at school? You do all the work, he gets all the fu. You need to consider the long term with these plans, not just the short term. Just a suggestion.

Just Because tou say he will have the kids on weekends.... dont let him have them every weekend- y9u need some down time with the kids too not just doing all the weekday drudge work - which gets more difficult when they're in school/ have friends & hobbies after school and homework too.

You are entitled to child maintenance and universal credit. That's it. Anything else he does with his money is up to.him.you can ask but neither you or the kids are entitled to anything as you were not married.

@BookArt55he wants every weekend but I want every other weekend.

@LittleOwl153he wants every weekend, but I want every other weekend cos i want to do fun stuff with the kids, can’t do that during the week when they are in school. Hope we shall agree to every other weekend.