To think that if I keep dwelling on the past, I’ll never be happy in the present?

[MyMauveSloth]

I find myself going over old regrets, hurts, or “what ifs” - even though I know they’re not helping me. I don’t want to live there but it’s hard not to revisit things that felt unresolved.

AIBU to think the only way to feel lighter now is to stop giving the past so much power - even if I don’t have full closure?

YANBU but I’m afraid I don’t know how to tell you to achieve it…
Choices I’ve made in my past have led to me having a life very different to how it could’ve been, I think of them as ‘sliding doors’ moments.
The main one I just can’t seem to get over is that I was on a path to being mortgage free at the age I am now and instead I’m private renting a tiny flat with a retirement where I’ll be living close to poverty!
I know I can’t change the decisions I made and it really isn’t healthy but I just can’t get over the ‘what ifs’ and I daydream all the time about how life could’ve been😢

I too, obsess about “sliding doors” decisions I can’t change. I know it’s making me unhappy but I can’t stop. For me it’s two relationships that went awry. I empathise OP.

Yanbu and I'm dealing with exactly the same ❤️

One day of moving forward at a time x

Edit, for me it's being estranged from those in my past

I'm similar, mainly with an ex where I feel I messed up the relationship. It's hard not to sit imagining that that life would have been better, particularly when I face a difficult time in this actual life.

AIBU to think the only way to feel lighter now is to stop giving the past so much power - even if I don’t have full closure?

YANBU, start with asking yourself 'what do I mean by closure'; if its something you need from someone else, that's your stumbling block. All the need for closure does is continue to allow them power over your feelings.
Only you can free yourself, by giving yourself the gift of not needing anything from people who have hurt you.
'Giving some people a second chance is like giving them a bullet because they missed you the first time'.

Me too it was about a precious relationship in the early 2010s 😭❤️

No one else can give you closure. You have to decide for yourself that it’s done and move on with your life. That’s where you take the power back.
Whilst I was processing a breakup I gave someone who never cared about me or wanted to be with me far too much power to affect my daily life. Then I stopped. And I’m living the life I want. That’s when you know their power is gone.
You might need a bit more time to get there so be kind to yourself.
I’m currently doing that by going on my first solo holiday in the sun. The memories of the last time I was away with him are there but they’re not limiting me. I’m having the best time. Good luck, you’ll get there.

Think about it from a strategic point of view :

if you’ve got one foot in yesterday, and one foot in tomorrow, all you’re doing is pissing today !!!!!

Have a read/ listen to some of Alan Watts work. His books really helped me when I was in a similar headspace, particularly the Wisdom of Insecurity.