My house is a mess

[sunshineside]

I’m on mat leave with a 3 year old and 10 month old. Usually I stress every day because dishes need to be done, toys cleared away, floor hoovered, bathroom cleaned. DH does do his share but keeping on top of it is an uphill struggle. Since yesterday I have just let everything pile up and while the baby naps I am here, feet up with a nice cup of tea.

Is the stress of getting to that point worth it? it just takes up so much time and energy.
When it is clean, my head feels clean and I feel calm. When it is messy I feel overstimulated and out of control.

Aibu - clean up you filthy cow, you’ll feel better once it’s done
Ainbu - it’s fine just be a filthy cow, you have tiny kids

It’s fine to leave it as it is, but if it bothers you, work on a small pile at a time.

Keeping a house tidy with small kids is just hardwork! X

Sounds like you need a break so best to put your feet up.

I would clean it all up because it messes with my head when the house is untidy and not clean.

I struggle massively with keeping on top of my house, and my husband is very good at tidying up so I understand

I hated the mess. I used to clear it all up as soon as ds napped. I knew it would be out again as soon as he woke up, but 5 mins of tidying meant that it didn't bother me for the rest of the time he was napping and I could actually relax.

Enjoy your cuppa. X

I could have written your post. Its normal. And it doesn't matter how many people say to you "Oh the mess doesnt matter!" It's still gets to you.
But you do need to rest and its ok to let it pile up now and then.
With two toddlers I could literally clean up ALL DAY LONG and the house still be a mess at the end of the day.
I will veer between daily keeping on top of it and extremes of living in a hovel then a big massive clean. Ive tried doing a room a day, ive tried doing so many minutes in each room each day. It still ends up a mess.
As long as its not a total biohazard and toilets and sinks are kept clean, dirty washing doesnt fester too long, and rubbish doesnt fester then the rest is all just a bonus.
Cut yourself some slack.
Also, declutter like your life depended on it. Thats the biggest help as its easier to clean if its quicker to tidy up.

You sound knackered - just drink your tea!

When I was at home with little ones your age I just had one tidy up per day and it involved the 3 year old tidying her toys away herself (with a little help). Why do you need to hoover every day? Isn't a quick brush under the table enough? I hope you have a dishwasher because then you never have a pile-up of dirty dishes. I used to clean the bathroom sink and toilet every evening while mine were in the bath.

Now pour another cuppa and stay put with your feet up!

Be kind, shame only makes you feel worse. Recognize how much of an amazing job you are doing and how you can only get so much done in a day.

Have a wee look at TOMM (used to be called the organized mum method). I swear by it, it helps you take time to declutter, get into a routine and have regular little top ups so things don't get on top of you.

At the end of the day you are more useful to your kids if you are healthy and stressing over how clean the house is won't help. You got this mama ❤️❤️❤️

My house is clean but that's because my 3 year old attends nursery :D I don't think that would be achievable with her running around and a baby.

3 year old is at nursery! but the minute she comes home it’s all messy again. Plus the mess from baby, my clothes which are all in a pile, mountains of washing, piles of ‘things’. Hair clips, spare lightbulb, two bottles, phone charger, is one I’m looking at now. She takes her shoes off and puts them away, jacket and coat go on her peg, she’s good at that and likes to help me do things around the house. We play the tidy up song and she ‘tidies up’ the toys - which hardly makes a dent in it! But I do give her a baby wipe and tell her to wipe the surfaces which keeps her occupied/ teaches her how to clean. So that’s a plus

If it bothers you, tidy it. If it doesn't, deal with when you get around to it but don’t let it get out of control.

Please don't take this as an insult but are you a mess creator? Some people just naturally create mess around them and then it's so hard to keep on top of it.

I'm not an avid cleaner (once a week is enough) but I don't create mess. I put things away when I've finished with them. Dirty clothes go in the laundry basket and when my children were young, I cleared the washing pile every day and put clean clothes away before falling into bed! I was strict with toys ie only having a limited number out at a time but ringing the changes for variety. Everything has a home and it goes there asap - definitely before bed.

I couldn't have relaxed in the evenings if I was surrounded by mess so 'tidy up time' happened before baths. I really sympathise with your 'out of control' feeling because I was like that (still am) but for me, the solutions were to create less mess to start with (keep food & drink consumption at the kitchen table) and double-up jobs eg unloading/loading dishwasher/washing machine while the children were eating/drinking at the table, cleaning the bathroom while they were in the bath, putting their clean clothes away when they were in bed (after story).

I hope you can find some solutions that work for you because feeling out of control is exhausting. It's almost the weekend - maybe a glass of wine this evening as you cook up a plan? 💐

Bless you, those are incredibly hard ages. You can’t have high expectations. I’m the same. I feel very overwhelmed, overstimulated and can’t think straight with a cluttered or dirty place. I can’t function if things are piled up waiting.
we have a cleaner who comes in twice a week. That is the only way I could get a handle on this. Unfortunately there isn’t another way with two young kids

I think I am a mess creator yes, but when on my own I will tidy the room before leaving it, put everything away and have a home for everything. We moved from a lovely rental with so much storage there were lots of empty cupboards/ drawers, and tidying and organising was very simple. We are now in our own place, similar size but with about half the amount of storage. This means we a) have too much stuff, or b) need much much more storage space. As a result, even when things are in their place, it just looks cluttered