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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird BIL won’t visit kids at our house

31 replies

bunny2023 · 10/07/2025 13:20

BIL is refusing to come to our house to visit the kids ( 20 month old twins).
He has only ever met them once in a car park when they were 3 months old.

BIL is insisting that DH brings them miles away to the house of the mothers of his younger kids.

I find this really strange as DH has always visited his kids regularly.

Apparently BIL dosent like me and believes I have “taken his brother away” from him since we have had the children.

I also refused any of the mothers of his his numerous kids to meet DC when they were born as they are no relation to DC and I don’t want to be involved or getting DC involved in dramas with the mother of his children, - something he didn’t like.

I have told DH to do what he wants but to not expect me to make any kind of effort with BIL’s kids or to buy them Xmas and birthday presents as he usually does.

AIBU?
I am quite surprised at BIL’s attitude as I haven’t seen him properly for 3 years other than the car park.

I don’t know what I have done wrong.

OP posts:
OneBlossomBee · 11/07/2025 01:44

bunny2023 · 10/07/2025 17:47

@OneBlossomBee
Hi
Thank you, you have nailed down everything.

Yes there is a 2.5 age gap between them and DH is the oldest.

He has been hostile towards me for years, he never used to be.
Used to spend New Years, birthdays etc together.

I think he hates the fact that DH can’t just stop everything and meet him when he calls because now he has children and responsibilities.

He often complains that he dosent see DH enough despite DH working 6 days a week.

Because BIL comes and goes as he pleases in and out of his DC lives he expects DH should do that, he really is a selfish man.

I have never said nothing bad about him but yet he calls me out constantly behind my back DH tells me.
I have always welcomed him to see DC but he makes a massive issue of not being able to bring the multiple mothers round.

BIL lies a lot to these women and is sleeping with at least 2 of them according to DH without the other knowing, it really is drama and head ache I don’t want to be involved in.

The women already try and press DH for info but he isn’t interested and feels the same way I do but hasn’t got the guts to tell his brother.

I will tell DH to just get on with it but not to complain to me again about his brother not seeing the kids.

Honestly, it sounds nothing but a manchild ruining his life and those poor children suffering from a father flitting in and out of their lives. Why he developed this grudge towards you is just strange. I wonder if he had feelings for you and is jealous of his brother having a loving marriage with twins with you or he is envious of the happiness his bro has. Either way, you are better off blocking him, leaving all the drama out of your life and your husband cutting him off if he speaks bad about you. I hope your hubby tells his brother to not be rude about you! You're better off just leaving your husband to see him sometimes and let him say the twins go with both parents or not at all. Your BIL has some serious bother in his life that he creates and needs to deal with. Avoid hom and his stupidity is all I can say and your husband works hard 6 days a week and is married with twins so you 2 are busy. Better to nip this headache bud and get on with your lives.

SpryUmberZebra · 11/07/2025 02:47

bunny2023 · 10/07/2025 15:54

Sorry just to be clear.
His kids are all older then mine, and I have never met any of them apart from two at a family funeral.

He is the one who has never invited me to his home, to meet his mothers children etc, he is the one who implemented the rule and started all of this.
.
DH dosent want to drive 90 minutes, that’s the issue .

I have never stopped him visiting us at home, he is always welcome to see the kids any time, it’s him who has the issue.

He can’t expect to ban me from meeting his kids/ their moms etc but then expect to bring them round to my home when it suits him.
And there isn’t just one of them either, there is 4 of them.

He isn’t in a relationship with any of them so they aren’t DC aunties, they are just the mothers of the children.

I don’t get what you’re looking for here. You don’t like him and I can see why, they haven’t bothered with you all this time so you’re not close and don’t know him so you have no obligation to him. If he doesn’t want to come to the house fine that’s sorts out your problem, you can move on with your life and have nothing to do with him.

Let DH deal with him, if DH decides to drive 90 mins each way to each of his 4 baby mamas that’s his problem not yours.

In this post you say your DH doesn’t want to drive the 90 mins so that’s it isn’t it? Why are you so upset and creating this thread?

Alltheyellowbirds · 11/07/2025 05:37

bunny2023 · 10/07/2025 14:33

I don’t actually despise him, I have no idea why he dosent like me considering I don’t even know him really.

DH has told me multiple times that he keeps asking to see the kids but refuses to come to the house.

DH would have to drive 90 minutes to the house of one of the mothers of the kids.

Why must DH go to the house of “one of the mothers of the kids”? Why is brother-in-law hosting visits from his brother in his ex’s house? Does he not have his own house?

I don’t understand anything about this set up with all these mothers.

olympicsrock · 11/07/2025 05:49

BIL needs to tie a knot in it and you would be advised to stay out of DH’s relationship with his brother and to minimise the relationship he has with your children in the future

RampantIvy · 11/07/2025 06:04

Does the BIL have a latex allergy or does he just keep his brain in his pants?

He sounds incredibly selfish and immature.

Springtimehere · 11/07/2025 06:13

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