Is it game over?

[Ohthejoyss]

So, I am 36 and just left a LTR, I have 2 wonderful kids and absolutely do not want any more. The thing is, I keep seeing posts about how hard dating is in your 30s and I don’t understand why?

I would understand it would be difficult for any woman who really wanted children etc but I have them and maybe I should purely focus on them instead of worrying about dating.

Yes focus on your children before worrying about dating again. Some space with just you and the children may make you realise that you dont need to jump back into dating

Yes but why is it a rush at my age? Is it for biological reasons? I don’t understand

Dating apps will have a high percentage of cheating men so sifting through the types who will send dick pics at a drop of the hat from the ones who might want to actually know your opinion on something is hard.
If the other person has children too then it would be much more complicated dating - especially if the other person has 100% custody. They might have an ex who interferes with your romantic life too.
Plus depending on how the other marriage ended, you might face judgement from new man’s friends and family. For example if he left a sick or pregnant wife after cheating, then his family may look at you with suspicion even if you weren’t the mistress.

Who is rushing you ?

myself I think, I think I am feeling negative about myself like men wouldn’t be interested now. Maybe it’s time for a trip to the hairdressers

Op I met my do ten years ago aged 40. I had two small kids, he had one teen. We have never lived together and see each other once or twice a week when I had childcare and weekends when mine were with their dad. His boy is now an adult so not really relevant and mine can be left alone for a date night. We are committed to a future together but it might be another 5 years yet til mine are grown and flown or ready. It's about adjusting your expectations of what a relationship might look like. I love my independence and autonomy whilst still having a romantic partner. Just take your time.

If you have just left a LTR give yourself a breather and space.

In your 30s a lot of the decent men will be taken.

Men who want children will be looking for younger women likely without kids, men who don’t want kids probably won’t be interested in women with kids.

If you have been out of the dating game for years you will be in for a shock. I’m 33 and have found 2 relationships in my 30s but it’s definitely harder than when I was younger

Marvellous

I really disagree with @CraftyNavySeal . A man is not always available because he's an awful reject, deadbeat dad or whatever. There are plenty for whom it just didnt work out, women leave for affairs too, lots of circumstances which might mean they are single in their 30/40s. Mine was available because his wife decided she was gay and ran off leaving their child with him. He's great, entirely housebroken, domesticated, considerate, employed... Don't be pessimistic OP, but also, don't be in a rush. Take some time just to balance the new family needs.

Because people are more comfortable with the couple set up. It’s changing though.
I was widowed in my 40s, with two very young kids. Hardly a desirable prospect: middle aged yet tied to two small children. Any future partner would have to be willing to help raise, and possibly financially help, my children. They certainly would be a priority, not many want to come second!
As for ‘rush’ - it’s hardly news that younger people are more desirable than older. But perhaps by the time you are 40 and your kids more independent and the scale will balance out.
Also any potential partner at your age or above is likely to have their own children with issues that brings.
Anyway as for difficulty in dating, well I’ve never seen a queue of men lining up to date women with kids no matter what age.

You've just left an LTR and have 2 children and yet you're already panicking about not meeting someone else?!

Many men without kids don't want to date someone with kids. Working timings for dates around two people dating who both have kids can be a challenge, particularly if you don't want to introduce the kids early

I don’t want one, I think I just want to know that that is ok and when I do want one it will come? And no old and undesirable

I think it may seem harder as a lot of the 'good' ones are married with kids etc. so the talent pool is just a bit smaller. Lot of them get divorced though and a lot of our friends are going onto second marriages haha!
Good luck :)

Oh so it’s not because I’m getting old and nobody will be interested?

And that’s the highest reason why you should step back from the idea.

you’re seeking something you think should be happening.

Focus on you and your kids and you’ll know when you’re ready because it’ll just happen naturally.

FWIW I have been a LO since I was 25. I’m nearly 45!

in that time I’ve had 2 short term relationships - just months long on my early 30’s (ds dad not around and ds disabled which does complicate things anyway!) but it’s not something that I ever felt I needed and made life more complicated.

Im happily single still. I’ve never ruled out the possibility of dating but nor have I ever felt it’s something I need to actively persue.

OP, your age is not the issue. I met DP at 35. I’m afraid PP is right, it will be your two (young?) kids that men may find offputting. Your best bet is men with children if you don’t mind a blended family scenario.