My brother and I are considering going no contact with my mum over our other brother’s behaviour (let’s call him John).
John has autism, PDA, ADHD, and sensory processing issues. I’ve always defended him, but no more. I’m done. John’s addicted to class A substances and has crack pipes and weed in his bedroom meaning I no longer feel safe taking my kids over. He spends all his PIP on crack then emotionally blackmails my mum into giving him more money by threatening suicide or saying he’ll elope and sleep on the streets.
SS had no idea how bad things were until my other sibling rang them and filed a police report for domestic abuse and coercive control. I’ve backed him up and now we’re the bad guys.
I can understand her being irrational at this point in time but this is an ongoing pattern of behaviour. I have ADHD myself, symptoms of dyslexia when I was at school, anxiety (although that’s probably a result of the environment I grew up in). My teachers tried to get me help for my ADHD and my parents refused to take their advice (this was 20 years ago). I was told I was lazy, attention seeking, and easily led. I was blackmailed into staying in sixth form although I couldn’t cope. I was told I’d be crap at a practical job and I wasn’t pretty enough to marry rich 😂 I’d also disappoint my grandparents if I didn’t stay in education. I slept on a broken mattress for ages, used to go to primary school in the wrong school uniform with dirt under my nails. I can go on but that’s not the point!
John had all the support and accommodations available to him. My parents did everything for him including telling me I’ll have to care for him when they no longer could (nope!). He was kicked out of every school he went to and we’d be dragged across the country looking for the right SEN schools. He was allowed to wander around the house naked when I was a teenager and had friends over.
When I had my kids I was told I shouldn’t expect much help from her as she still has to care for John. And how dare I resent him for being disabled.
To her credit, she paid my bond when I was homeless and helped us a secure a tenancy for a larger home (which we weren’t able to pay for ourselves). She’s offered me more money which I’ve refused and she’s also drove my brother back and forth uni with all his stuff. I don’t feel it’s fair to just share the negative, she has shown up for us in other ways. But I don’t like how she’s treated my younger brother for ringing the police. She’s making out it’s a betrayal and he feels like utter shit.
Sorry for the ramble but AIBU to threaten no contact unless she seeks professional help for John and apologises to the rest of her children!