For asking boyfriend to stick out job for just a few more months

[Gemini1992]

I'm keen to get people's opinion's as I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable.

My boyfriend and I have a goal to purchase a house. It is very important to me in particular as I spent my childhood constantly moving and my parents were very financially irresponsible so now in my early 30's I want some stability in my life. Although I earn a decent salary I have been renting for the past 14 years so have never had the opportunity to have a decent savings pot which is essential for purchasing a house. Last year my boyfriend decided to take a job in an industry he had worked in previously but was tired of but the job came with accommodation which means we would have no rent.

We have been saving every penny since and have good savings and made plenty sacrifices, we don't go out, buy clothes, no holidays but I am ok with this as I feel it will be worth it when we have our forever home.

He has expressed annoyance with the job pretty much since he started as it is physically demanding. I had said to him previously if it gets too much he can leave. We would need to rent again but I have been in jobs before where it was horrible and I couldn't ask that of him.

However it has all kicked off the last week or so. We have gone sale agreed on a property and going through final checks with the bank, confirmation of employment etc. and the house won't be ready until September/October. Great news!

My boyfriend then told me the next day he is tired of his boss and the long hours and things are not going good and he thinks he might get the sack or is considering resigning. I asked him if he could please stick it out for another few months. If he loses his job this will fall though, we will need to find somewhere to rent, probably eat into savings and wait another 6 months before even applying for a mortgage again. I'm so disappointed as I feel we are so close it would be awful to lose out on it now.

We are arguing every day and he said I am nagging him as I have to ask him for documents as I am dealing with the broker, bank, solicitor all on my own and have to ask him for these things. Yesterday I said will I just pull out of the offer because this is not working but he said he still wants to go ahead with it.

Do you think AIBU for asking him to stick out this job for another couple of months? I have moved 4 times in the past 5 years and over 20 times in my life. The thought of short term renting again is making me feel sick.

"he can't seem to put things into action. For example before he said he wanted to find a new job. I said have you a CV and he said no and didn't bother to do it! I have to admit I find it very frustrating."

It sounds like this is a pattern op.

Does he generally have motivation/ clear aspirations/ get up and go etc?

If he doesn't that's actually okay, plenty of people feel content with renting and a low earning but also low stress job and life just ticking along. But the question then is whether or not you are both compatible if you are more driven. How would this translate when you're preparing for having kids or already have kids. Are you always going to have to push him to do the things he should know he needs to do by himself.

The fact you earn so much more and are more financially stable is making me wonder if he thinks you'll just be able to cover everything which is concerning. The last thing you want is to work this hard and end up with a cocklodger you need to parent instead of an equal partner. I also agree that you need to speak to a solicitor to ensure the deposit you put down is protected should things go awry.

It's physically demanding, 12 hour days and his boss has asked him to work 6 days instead of 5 which I get is unreasonable.

I would buy a property by yourself and let him crack on. Doesn’t sound like he is bringing much to the table.

Is the first big project you are undertaking together? And it's already getting painful. Is this how you want everything you decide to do to be, going forward?

Maybe this is the wake-up call you need to see that a future with this guy could be hard work.

You earn twice as much as him ?

buy your own property ! it doesn't have to be a ' house ' you can buy a one bedroom flat by yourself.
do so.

Do you really want to buy a house with him, rather than a smaller place on your own? If you earn twice as much and have 2/3 of the savings there may not be all that much difference in what you court mortgage alone.

if you do go ahead, make sure your deposit is ring fenced and/or that you own a higher % of the house to account for your higher contribution.

I’m also finding the “might get sacked or resign” suspicious. Sounds like he knows he’s likely to get pushed and wants to make out that it’s his decision to resign. Otherwise resigning so close to a purchase, never mind without another job lined up, is rather silly.

Do you really want to be tied to him via this purchase? What if he quits right after it goes through, can you cover the mortgage on your own? Would you want to? It sounds like a possible scenario.

If you think he’s worth going into this with I’d say you have to have a conversation and find out if the stress is coming from the risk of getting sacked and not wanting to admit it. But I’d also try to be honest with yourself and think about where you see this relationship heading. Sounds like you’re much more driven than him, which in the long run will make you resentful when he’s potentially spent years riding your coattails and holding you back.

You need to buy your own place - he's showing you that he isn't keen, regardless of what he's saying to you.

You don't sound very compatible to be honest - even if the sale goes ahead, you couod break up in a year and have to sell up.

Why would he be in profit? Why wouldn't you put on the deeds as tenants in common with you owning 66% of the house and he owns 33% (or whatever percentage share)

This is ESPECIALLY important as you are not married. It will protect your financial investment in the property.

You definitely need a separate lawyer if you don't already have one.

I think you know this is a disaster you are sleep walking into.

Don’t buy with him.

The relationship being ‘quite good’ and better than having to date again is the worst reason to stay with him.

Honestly OP detach yourself.

Of course he should stick it out until October! It's not long at all.
But I wouldn't buy a house with him. You outearn him, you aren't married, he's thinking about messing you around - protect yourself and your money. Buy your own smaller place. He can still live with you if the relationship in salvageable and you can buy together in time.

WTH???? He is grown adult and understands how the mortgage process works so he can stick with it for a few months so all the time and sacrifice spent saving and trying to buy a house doesn't go to waste.

Are you seriously saying it's fine he just quits and throws everything in disarray, they then have to find somewhere to rent, start the whole buying process all over again makes sense? You do realize all that will bring more stress right?

Selfish my ass, he needs to grow up, sometimes we we go through tough periods in life we don't just throw in the towel at every opportunity like a child, he needs to focus on the big picture.

"So she can profit off the free rent"

WTF does that even mean? Isn't he going to benefit from the house they buy together?

@Gemini1992 having said all that I would seriously consider buying a house with someone like this, he comes across as someone who gives up easily and will never have your back when things get tough. He will always take that easy way out.

OP I think this is a chance for you to realise you are better trying to buy a property on your own. You are the high earner and the one with the most savings.

He sounds like he is using you and has no real enthusiasm for buying a house with you.

Don't tie yourself up to that man and even if you have to wait a bit longer to buy on your own or if you buy something smaller, you will be better off in the long run.