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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never get cards or gifts from DSis

11 replies

Smedsmoos · 10/07/2025 09:43

My DSis is notoriously bad at not giving birthday cards and gifts but for claiming she sent them and they’ve gone missing.

Recent examples include:

DH’s 30th - claimed to have sent him a card and chocolates via Moonpig but they never arrived
DM’s 60, 61, 62 birthday - claimed to have sent card in the post, never arrived. Gave gift a week or two after her birthday
My 30th - claimed to have sent card, never arrived
DF’s 60th - claimed to have left gift at home, never given
DD being born - claimed to have left card at home
Mother’s Day - claimed that she thought DM a massage voucher and the email never arrived
Father’s Day - claimed to have send Amazon voucher, never arrived

The final nail in the coffin for me is that she asked me what to get DD for her 1st birthday. I asked for a trike and she said that was fine. Her birthday arrives and the trike isn’t here. She asked me if it had been delivered yet and I said no, she said it should be here by the end of the day. The following day I said it never arrived, she said she checked the tracking info and it said ‘in transit’. Another month has gone by and it still hasn’t arrived. She said it is still saying ‘in transit’.

If it were me, I’d be asking for a refund from the company and re ordering it.

I’m so disappointed because had I known the gift would never arrive, I would have got DD a trike myself as a birthday gift or asked another family member for it.

What disappoints me too is that I always make sure I get her DS gifts that she has asked for, always put money aside for something nice for him and it always arrives in time for birthday and Christmas.

I know I shouldn’t have trusted that she would actually get him something, I should have asked for money or vouchers or something.

She always gifts generously to her DH’s family and to her friends (all gifts organised by her, not DH).

AIBU to feel disappointed at her lack of care?

OP posts:
user1471517057 · 10/07/2025 09:50

With kindness you’re being unreasonable only in so far as she has extensive form for failing to give gifts and has shown exactly who she is. Relying on her to give a gift your child actually wants and you want them to have was the mistake.
sounds like she begrudges gift giving in your family so I would maybe say ‘let’s do kids gifts only going forward’ and request things you’re not overly bothered for the kids to avoid disappointment.
Sorry she sucks at gifts, my brother was the same and in the end I did the above.

Original poster
Smedsmoos · 10/07/2025 10:15

user1471517057 · 10/07/2025 09:50

With kindness you’re being unreasonable only in so far as she has extensive form for failing to give gifts and has shown exactly who she is. Relying on her to give a gift your child actually wants and you want them to have was the mistake.
sounds like she begrudges gift giving in your family so I would maybe say ‘let’s do kids gifts only going forward’ and request things you’re not overly bothered for the kids to avoid disappointment.
Sorry she sucks at gifts, my brother was the same and in the end I did the above.

Thanks, I’m disappointed that I trusted she would make sure her niece had a first birthday present from her one and only auntie!

will definitely expect nothing next tine

OP posts:
RealPearlDuck · 11/07/2025 05:01

YANBU to feel disappointed. They say when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time, but we always hope for the best, even if it might be naive. Take that as a final answer to your question of whether she'll pay attention or not. Do as the previous commenter said and request something that won't be missed if it never shows up. Maybe even switch to gift cards/smartshow 3d birthday videos only (this is what we've agreed on with distant relatives).

MayaPinion · 11/07/2025 05:04

Just stop gift giving. Agree that you won’t buy gifts anymore. She’s not going to change and you’re not going to stop being annoyed by it.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 11/07/2025 05:51

Has nobody ever challenged on this pointing out that she's full of shit with her excuses

UpsideDownChairs · 11/07/2025 06:45

err - does she definitely have the right address? It seems weird to lie so much

MoreChocPls · 11/07/2025 06:56

Just stop doing gifts or get e-vouchers from her. She’s clearly not buying or ordering anything.

Lbet · 20/07/2025 08:10

It sounds like she has some sort of lying disorder.

Maybe next time just say…, no it’s fine because your gifts and cards never seem to turn up anyway.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 20/07/2025 11:11

dont buy her a single thing, or her dh and kids.
and just be straight with her. Don’t know why any of you don’t challenge her. Is she the type to ask for gifts

BusyMum47 · 20/07/2025 11:20

@Smedsmoos

Fuck that - how rude! I'd call her out on it & tell her you're stopping gifts to her family with immediate effect because that's clearly what she's decided to do - without telling you!

OSTMusTisNT · 20/07/2025 11:32

Next time ask her to transfer the money to your bank account and you'll do the ordering due to all the previous issues.

Or, accept she doesn't have the spare cash and agree to stop gifting for each other's families.....

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