Can't do this any longer

[Giraffe1234]

I have a baby and an older child and as a family we aren't the most organised/ clean / tidy people but I spend vast amounts of my days and any free time I have really trying
Ive been telling my husband how overwhelmed I am and how I can't rely on anyone in the house to do jobs properly.
Ive spent hours cleaning today in prep for my babies birthday and I've just got up to use the loo to find my 40 year old husband has left the sink like this.
I just can't.
He is on a huge waiting list for an adhd assessment but can that truly cause someone to be this fucking lacking? Its like a 2 year old has been in the bathroom. Im drowning.

Sympathies to you OP.

My wife puts dirty clothes on top of the laundry basket, not in it.

Our toddler binned a set of car keys a couple of years ago so we got some hooks high up to keep out of reach, she never puts her keys up.

Can't hang a washing up.

Doesn't know how to stack a dishwasher.

It drives me mental but she is the sweetest most caring person I have ever met. So I give her a lifelong pass on the small annoying things.

No sorry, why can he not just wipe it!!?I couldn’t live like that. I couldn’t keep cleaning up messes like that after him. 😩

I’ve absolutely no idea what that is OP but your husband being on a waiting list for an ADHD assessment has nothing to do with him being a slob. I have an adult son who is severely autistic and also has Tourette’s, Bi Polar Disorder and epilepsy. He requires 2-1 round the clock care and would never leave his bathroom sink in that condition. He’s immaculate about himself and his surroundings and if he’s able to clean up after himself so can your husband.

Tell him to clean it up!! Any condition he may or may not have does not excuse him - even if you do have to tell him to sort it!!

I don't understand what that is. Is he just spitting toothpaste down the cabinet? I'd tell him to clean it.

I literally have to finish everything he starts or remind him he hasn't actually washed up or taken everything to the recycle bin. He leaves me to sort out everything in the house from setting up direct debits to arranging for repairs etc etc. Then wonders why im in rage most days. I don't know how I've done it this long to be honest or how much longer I can do it for.
He has some redeeming features obviously but when im this triggered by him I dont think they're enough.

I just don’t think that’s wholly attributable to ADHD. I know plenty of people with it who are as clean and tidy as anything. You’ve become his mother which suits him fine.

I have ADHD, I don’t leave surfaces like that. Call him to the bathroom and tell him to clean up his mess.

I would take him to the bathroom and bang his nose in it….

I don't even understand how that happened from one use, no matter how careless you are. Tbph op it looks like it was done on purpose to me.

Thank fuck I live alone (with my adult son who knows how to keep a clean house).

Did you call him and ask
him wtf happened?! What is his reason for that??

I bet he manages to finish things at work though!

I have ADHD - this is something I’d do without realising. Would also be shameful and rush to clean it when made aware.

Na I've got adhd and that is not caused by adhd that's a complete lack of respect for you and laziness.

Redeeming features or not, he needs to clean up after himself or even better, not make the mess in the first place ! You would not be unreasonable to stop cleaning up after him and tell him to be a responsible adult. I could not live with someone who thinks it's ok to live with mess like that.

I've got ADHD and I really, really struggle with it - but I would NEVER leave a sink like that for my partner to deal with.

When I've been in the absolute depths of depression and ADHD struggle, I have lived in very poor conditions. But that's exceptional circumstances, and even then, I've had to accept that I need to find ways to leave my surroundings hygienic, or at least as hygienic as possible.

Please show your DH these comments, or at least the ones from others of us who have ADHD. I have a lot of empathy and compassion for other ADHDers, and cleaning can be a genuine struggle, but leaving the sink like that when you live in a house with others is completely unacceptable. He needs to learn coping mechanisms.

I use the Dubbii app to help me clean. It walks you through every step of cleaning and tidying different areas. He needs to start using something like that, especially if he's struggling so severely he can't even see that mess on the sink and work out how to wipe it up.