Working full time as a single mother

[Snifferdogmum]

Hi all,

I was recently offered a full-time job (Monday to Friday, 9 to 5), and I’m a single mum to a 6-year-old daughter.
I have my own home, the salary is very generous, and I’m planning to hire an after-school nanny to help with pick-ups and care.

What’s bothering me is the thought that my daughter might feel lonely and unhappy, as she would only see me for about two hours a day during the week.
I’m torn, should I turn down the offer and look for something more flexible or hybrid, or should I give it a go and hope it all works out?

Do you currently work? And do you need the money?

Whilst I have an xh ive been living with my parents whilst our house is sold so I have a good support. DD is 5 and I do all of the Mon-Fri routine.
Ive gone from a job where I was out the house 4 days a week probably 630-6.15 with one day at home starting at 630 to do a pick up at 3 to 4 days wfh/1 office day with a 15 minute commute. Once we've got our own place I can use lunch breaks to get jobs done/dinner in slow cooker etc.
I'd highly recommend wfh/hybrid if you can but not everyone has that choice.

If you can do hybrid working that’s the best of both worlds.
If that’s not possible in your job role, then you can also make it work!

I used to be a single mum of 3, and I worked 2 jobs.
A Mon-Fri, 9-5 office job with a huge multi-national corporation, and then pulled bar shifts at my local boozer on the weekends when the DCs were with their dad.
My office job was supposed to be 3 days in the office and 2 at home, but that changed like the wind. There were times when I was doing all 5 days from home and other times where I’d be doing all 5 in the office.
Reliable childcare is obviously a must have for every eventuality!
If you can afford an afternoon Nanny, I’d absolutely go with that option. I used wrap-around care provided by school and my youngest’s nursery which worked out well for us, but if I’d have had the money for a Nanny I’d have chosen that option!
Also jiggled bed time around a bit so we could maximise our time together in the evenings. Kids going to bed even just 30 mins later 🤷🏻‍♀️

I worked full-time as a single mum, and only really saw my DCs properly every other weekend. I had no choice as I had a mortgage that wasn’t going to pay itself, but I used to be eaten up with guilt.

I recently asked them (now adults) if they felt that they’d missed out at all, and their reaction was surprisingly positive! They pointed out reasons why they saw it as positive such as the fact that they loved their after-school clubs and would’ve been doing their activities anyway even if I’d been at home, that we’d still only have had two weekends a month together because they’d have been with their dad had I worked or not, that I’d instilled a good work ethic in them and they’d reaped the benefits of me working such as wonderful holidays and other memorable experiences. I think the most surprising thing was them saying that to them, it felt completely normal - most of their friends had two working parents so they didn’t feel abnormal at all.

I felt quite stupid that I’d spent years needlessly self-flagellating over having a job.

Hi OP.

I am currently trying to make the decision whether to give up mine temporarily as I am so burnt out and feel like I’m missing out on so much valuable time with my little ones.

I Keep trying to justify the money part but actually all children want is our time.

So whilst you will have most on here telling you to go for it and how kids are resilient and money is important (which it is of course) I truly believe that something more family friendly will come up (it always does)

I sat and asked my daughter the other day how she would feel if I was to stop work for a while and be able to do school runs and be more present at home. She burst out crying and said ‘could I really?’ That was all I needed to hear.

Saying that, I have just finished a 14 hour day, shattered and I still haven’t made the decision. Juggling a career with parenthood is extremely complicated. Wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world whatever you decide to choose xx

If you don't need the money then I wouldn't work full time.

I have to work full time in a high pressure and very unpredictable job to afford raising two kids alone. My 5 year old is in breakfast club at 7:30 every morning and is picked up at 5/6 every evening. My 1 year old is the same with her nursery hours.

We still get an hour in the morning and 1/2 in evening and every other whole weekend and my kids are happy!

In an ideal world we could be present for everything and be at the school gates every day at 3:15 but realistically the kids need the stability of a financially secure home life and future and to see what it’s like to have a career!

Never beat yourself up about providing for your family .
As the salary is generous I would take the job as times are tough and you don’t know what the future holds .
if it does become too much you can change jobs .
My DD is an adult now , so independent, and says she watched me going it alone and has no fear of having to provide for herself .
i made sure we had nice holidays together .
very happy memories for both of us .

good luck