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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s my turn to live where I want?

7 replies

Aldi99pTofu · 09/07/2025 20:09

For the last fourteen years I have lived in an area I absolutely hate. Unfriendly locals and very few amenities. I tried and tried to fit in but incomers are not welcome. I had little choice but to move here with my DH as he was caring for his elderly parents (he’s an only child) and he is local to the area. His parents have since passed away. We need to downsize as the house and garden are too large and expensive for us to maintain. He constantly reminds me of this expense! We have seen a lovely house in another area much nearer to our adult children who I miss terribly. My DH is stressing me out with moaning about how will he fit all his things into a new smaller house? It’s three bedrooms and not even that much smaller but it will be cheaper to run and has only a small garden.I have told him to take the two spare bedrooms in the new house for a study and a room for his books and music system. He doesn’t think the room is large enough for his present music system! I said buy a different one no it has to be this music system. I am happy with a TV in the lounge, bedroom, bathroom and I own very little stuff. Then today the final straw he told my sister he will ‘miss the beach’ when we move. The place we hope to move to has a beach! He has never once acknowledged what I might have missed during my bloody purgatory living here! Every time I ask him if he is sure he wants to move he says he is happy to move. AIBU to think it’s my turn to be happy living somewhere? I wish I could win the lottery and just bugger off. I feel old and tired. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
jetlag92 · 09/07/2025 20:11

As you've said - it's your turn, you need to downsize and you're nearer your adult children.
Ignore the moans. He'll be fine. Enjoy your new house

youreactinglikeafunmum · 09/07/2025 20:11

Yanbu at all girl. Could you lay it out for him?

Its okay to have doubts but he's taking it a bit far imo x

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/07/2025 20:13

You are right that it’s your turn with the area, but it does make sense that you choose a house he likes if possible, maybe this house isn’t the one for him. Maybe he’s still sad about leaving the area his parents died in behind?

BrendaBleddynsBeachBall · 09/07/2025 20:17

He sounds like a selfish arsehole, to be honest.

IMissSparkling · 09/07/2025 20:19

I'd leave him where he is and move by myself!

WashableVelvet · 09/07/2025 20:23

I’d suggest stop keep asking him if he’s happy to move. He’s already said yes. Believe him. He has very mixed feelings about it, that’s normal too, he’s allowed to feel what he feels and it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to stop you moving.

Aldi99pTofu · 09/07/2025 20:38

Thanks all.@IMissSparkling I definitely wish I could do that at times! @ToKittyornottoKitty he claims to really like the house and thinks it’s ideal for our needs. Yes it’s possible he feels sad regarding his parents. I often think about my late DP’s as well @WashableVelvet I think this is good advice I am going to just try and crack on with the plan we both decided on it after all.He has form for being selfish. He’s very stubborn about what he sees is the right way to go about things. He often won’t consider any suggestions I make. It’s very difficult.

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