Modern nappies & potty training - AIBU to think old terry nappies made it easier?

[Ilovepastafortea]

Spent the afternoon with a friend who looks after 3 year old (4 in October) GS 3 days a week. Her DIL has decided not to try potty training until the child decides he's ready.

Friend & me discussed that at 3 - nearly 4 he should be using the potty by now at least in the day time.

Obviously friend isn't going to go against DIL & potty train the child - that's up to the child's parents.

However, given the good weather we were wondering about if she might suggest to DIL & DS that they allow the child to run around the garden with just pants on & introduce the potty where accidents don't matter. Again I stress that it's up to the children's parents. But we're concerned that this child will be going to nursery in September & still in nappies - well nappy pants.

I used to take mine out to choose 'Big Boy/Girl pants' to prepare them & talk about 'now you're a Big Boy/Girl you get to wear nice pants with Thomas the Tank or the like on them. I would frequently suggest that they may want to sit on the potty, praising him if they 'performed' ignoring any accidents - saying 'no problem, maybe next time you could tell me when you need a wee & you can use the potty like a 'Big Boy/Girl'?'

I also used to put my DCs into terry nappies when potty training as I felt there's nothing like a cold wet nappy slapping around a toddler's thighs to focus them on a better alternative.

My point is that modern nappies/pants don't tell the child when they've wet themselves.

Also surely 3 years off the 4th birthday for a child who has no issues, is intelligent & sociable is leaving it too late.

edited to typos

That’s probably true and nearly 4 does feel very late. But for various reasons I ended up potty training both of mine a bit later than I intended (at nearly 3). We were done with it within a few days each time with virtually no accidents. So not ideal to have left it until then but it was quick and stress free for everyone and no lasting harm.

DD potty trained about 6 weeks ago at 2years 3 months. We used cloth nappies and I was really surprised how at quickly she picked it up, friends had said their kids took weeks/months and they were closer to 3. Nursery had said that kids wearing cloth are usually earlier and quicker at picking it up. I help out at our local nappy library and I wish more parents would give cloth a go, there are so many benefits but find a lot of parents dismiss them as gross.

I think perseverance is the biggest issue with potty training. You have to go cold turkey with the nappies (especially with disposables) otherwise they get confused. I’ve heard of people who are potty training but they put pull ups on the kids for car journeys, trips out etc.

I had a potty chair (40+ years ago) which was basically a mini commode with a belt strap. Presumably I was expected to sit on it for prolonged periods until something eventually happened.

It's not a strategy that would wash well in current parenting culture, or the lifestyle logistics of nursery, modern shopping, and travelling in cars with £££ car sears.

There's also the issue of "accidents" and defining what "toilet trained" is. Is it generally out of nappies? Is it reliably dry and independently toileting with few "accidents"? Are we actually comparing an identical standard, or different stages of a process? Is modern parenting waiting for more maturity to meet a higher standard more reliably than previous generations did?

At 2.5 & 3 mine could recognise need, communicate it, get themselves to the toilet (we by-passed potties) and start manging hygiene e.g. wiping. They weren't ready for those stages sooner, but I suppose that it was viable that I could strap them into a potty chair at a year or so earlier, use fewer nappies (woo, less laundry) and call it toilet trained albeit with a much higher "accident" rate.

I gave DS to my mum for a week. The woman should be rented out. She did the same with DPuppy.

Your generation may have had them potty trained by two but apparently it still hasn't managed to get their boys cooking, cleaning and helping with the next generation of potty training by 40.🤔

That seems like a bigger failing tbh

I used disposables but mine were all toilet trained before 3 with no issues. As others have said, you just stuck them in pants and got on with it. Everyone else did the same, you couldn't go to nursery unless you were dry in the daytime.
Same with sleep, by about 18 months at the latest kids were sleeping through most nights unless they were ill/ teething.

I don't see it.

Terry nappies made us determined to potty train and by the age of two. Oh the sterilising and the soaking and the washing. And yes, toddlers were wearing wet, cold nappies and didn’t like it. And they knew when they had done a wee.

Reusables in this house and both fully dry by 2. I made sure they had loads of nappy free time from the start though.

My son is 3 but a couple of months older so starting school in September. He has to be potty trained. And is. I used reusable potty training pants. They were great.

It's really not ok to get stressed with your kids over potty training. When I was potty training my older one, he'd wear a pull up if we were anywhere that having an accident would really be A BIG DEAL and a complete nightmare. I have seen parents pleading with their tiny children anxiously to just wait, and getting stressed and cross when they couldn't, and I knew I never wanted to be like that with my kids or cause them that sort of stress for something that's not really their fault.

And you know what... people always say it confuses them but actually it didn't confuse mine at all. He'd tell me he needed a wee, we'd try to find somewhere and if we didn't, it was no big deal. Looking back, one of the things I don't regret as a parent is taking a relaxed approach to potty training and I don't think it took us any longer as a result. And my DC hasn't had a single accident since.

my very first memory is of the plastic pants that used to go over the nappy. Not sure if anyone remembers them. Anyway mine caused a massive red mark and a sore leg as the elastic was cutting into me. I was only two (as mum says I potty trained well before three) but i remember this and my mum
putting cream on me as I was in agony . So yes I imagine we all potty trained earlier.

Parents are lazy with potty training these days

A nearly 4 year old NT child in nappies is pretty shocking to me.

Mine made the decision themselves, both when they were 2. I think they both saw friends using potties and wanted to do the same.

Her son rang her to tell her that DIL took it as a subtle criticism of the way DIL & him managed their family & reminded her that they both work full time & no time to cook.

Does he pay his mother for providing childcare 3 days a week?

Me too. A NT 4 year old will know what a potty or toilet is for.

This is from one of OP's posts:

'I was always very advanced, walked at 8 months, talked in complete sentences very early etc. My mother tells me that, when I was about 16 months old, I announced that I didn't want to wear nappies anymore because I wanted to be a Big Girl like my aunts (the youngest of whom was 7 years older than me) & wanted to wear Big Girl pants. Apparently I refused to use a potty because that was for babies. I used a lavatory & was clean day & night from then on. My parents used to tell a story about when I was a few weeks off my 2nd birthday when I got up to be sick & they only knew because I'd been sick in the lavatory, but it was an old fashioned one with a chain & I couldn't reach the chain to flush it down.'

DC was involved with the continence team at the local hospital.

The continence nurses told us that modern nappies are too good at pulling away urine and unless completely sodden will not make a child feel uncomfortable.

We were advised to put sheets of kitchen paper in to make it feel wet.

OK, you're using OP as original poster and I was using it as original post. ✌️
TBH I don't think this thread is genuine.

My mother used to tell a story of my brother potty training.

He's 2 years older than me. She was changing, the new baby's nappy and my brother mad an 'uhg' noise. My mum said "you do that too" and according to her (and a small skip full of salt) that was him trained.