Modern nappies & potty training - AIBU to think old terry nappies made it easier?

[Ilovepastafortea]

Spent the afternoon with a friend who looks after 3 year old (4 in October) GS 3 days a week. Her DIL has decided not to try potty training until the child decides he's ready.

Friend & me discussed that at 3 - nearly 4 he should be using the potty by now at least in the day time.

Obviously friend isn't going to go against DIL & potty train the child - that's up to the child's parents.

However, given the good weather we were wondering about if she might suggest to DIL & DS that they allow the child to run around the garden with just pants on & introduce the potty where accidents don't matter. Again I stress that it's up to the children's parents. But we're concerned that this child will be going to nursery in September & still in nappies - well nappy pants.

I used to take mine out to choose 'Big Boy/Girl pants' to prepare them & talk about 'now you're a Big Boy/Girl you get to wear nice pants with Thomas the Tank or the like on them. I would frequently suggest that they may want to sit on the potty, praising him if they 'performed' ignoring any accidents - saying 'no problem, maybe next time you could tell me when you need a wee & you can use the potty like a 'Big Boy/Girl'?'

I also used to put my DCs into terry nappies when potty training as I felt there's nothing like a cold wet nappy slapping around a toddler's thighs to focus them on a better alternative.

My point is that modern nappies/pants don't tell the child when they've wet themselves.

Also surely 3 years off the 4th birthday for a child who has no issues, is intelligent & sociable is leaving it too late.

edited to typos

Everyone doesn’t say you have to wait until they’re ready though.

I think you've completely missed my point. My point is that a lot of the poor decision making is not from laziness but from a misguided attempt to do things "without traumatising children". Not isolated to potty training.

I'm not saying you should "listen to" any particular parenting Model. My main point is that I think a lot of parenting "research" is deeply flawed, based on imperfect child psychology, and needlessly doom-mongering, threatening Childhood Trauma at every turn.

I think taking any aspect of parenting to extremes is usually a bad idea. And I include elimination communication in that - it is wildly impractical for modern life.

I do know child abuse is a real thing. But (say) removing a toddler's dummy, or sighing in mild exasperation when they've weed on the floor, is not traumatising.

Edit because I phrased badly

Why doesn't your friend suggest to her DS that he cracks on with potty-training and sorts it?

So much modern parenting says - offer vegetables but don't urge your child to eat it. Don't make puddings conditional on finishing savoury food. Don't react when your child has a toilet accident. Don't be too stern if your child hits another - shame is traumatising. Ignore tantrums. Never be cross. Never ever use brute force to make your child do something they need to do. Don't use treats as motivation (I already got mocked upthread for doing this when potty training, with my dd compared to a pet dog. Piss off, pp.)

The problem is that then modern trendy parents don't know what tools to replace these strategies with. The only solution is often - have long talks about Feelings. But unfortunately long talks about Feelings only work from about 3+. So the solution is to put off these issues till 3+.

It's not just potty training, it's also dummies, toothbrushing, seat belts, medication, etc etc. You can't use brute force. You can't be stern or cross. You can't use treats or bribes. What have we left - only distraction, pleading and long dialogues. Even sticker charts aren't in vogue.

It's really hard for us. Laziness is definitely not it.

I used egg white on my nipples when they were sore from breastfeeding. It was recommended that you whisk it and pop a blob on and left it to dry in... basically breasts with meringue on ( keeping the left over in the fridge for next time). Worked very well.

Thing is....you can't! Lol They need to develop a specific hormone that makes them dry at night. For some, it can take years.

Same. I have a 4 year old in terry cloth nappies and no signs of understanding using a potty/toilet yet.

YANBU. Mine were both out of nappies at 2, as you say Summer is a great time to explore this. I also agree that modern nappies are far too absorbent, and that it’s more than fine for parents to take the lead with encouraging their children that it’s time to make this transition to being dry.

YANBU. Mine were both out of nappies at 2, as you say Summer is a great time to explore this. I also agree that modern nappies are far too absorbent, and that it’s more than fine for parents to take the lead with encouraging their children that it’s time to make this transition to being dry.

DD is 2 next month and has shown some interest in the potty we’ve got and will tell us if she is wet / dirty. Will be trying the knickers then nappy approach as can’t do bare bum method for nursery. FWIW nursery have also advised us to wait until DD moves up rooms as they have loos in the next room

I can get my head around the ‘how’ to TT 🥴

Well my child went when they needed to go to the toilet before they wet themselves no idea about anyone else's children bit we used modern nappies and we left them to figure it out themselves so they did so I dont see the difference in nappys would come into it

Putting egg on broken skin causes egg allergy in those with a genetic susceptibility.

If you have people in the family that suffer from eczema, asthma or allergies then your child may be genetically susceptible.

We just potty trained DD (recently turned 2) and there's absolutely an epidemic of poor toilet training in the UK in children who are otherwise developmentally normal. We did use disposable nappies, but as soon as she turned 2 we decided it was time to potty train. DD was terrified of the potty at first, so for the first few weeks we just encouraged her a few times a day to sit on the potty with her nappy on, and gave her a raisin if she did so 😂 then when she wasn't scared of the potty, we picked a weekend when we had nothing on and just let her round around butt naked. Plopped her on the potty every 20min, and gave her a sticker and chocolate button if she used the potty. There were lots of accidents, but she mostly figured it out by the Monday. She continued having about 1 accident a day for the next week, and it's now rare for her to have them - she had the first one in ages today because it was so hot she drank a lot of water and couldn't hold it basically.

Tbh we basically just treated her the way we treated DDog when he was a puppy, except she wasn't taken outside to pee and was given a chocolate button instead of cheese...

I know parents who’ve bought those “nappy pants” for potty training and then wondered why their kid was still toileting in them, but they’re just pull-up nappies?! The kids are used to the sensation.

I agree it’s part laziness part being time-poor – it can take a while to train and it’s inconvenient having to worry about accidents when out and about, or take time off work to stay home with a pantless child. For a neurotypical child to still be in nappies at almost 4 doesn’t reflect well on the parents. They’re lucky they’ve got another year until school.

Yes absolutely, I’ve used cloth nappies for all 3 children and they have definitely been more aware when they are going than friends in disposables. My oldest trained at 19 months, middle at 22 and my youngest is 17 months but I’ve been putting him on the potty when I’ve seen him pooing since he was very small so although not potty trained he does almost all his poos in the potty as it’s just a normal part of his day whereas I notice that older children can object a lot more when they are eventually introduced to the potty or even be scared of it.
I also think though that a great deal is parents motivation levels too as I’ve been motivated to get them out of nappies quickly to reduce washing!

The whole “ wait until they basically potty trained themselves aka readiness” concept was introduced by a paediatrician who surprise surprise was employed by pampers. It’s had a huge effect environmentally due to the increased amount of nappies going to landfill as well as kids potty training later.
The bladder and bowel charity ERIC actually recommend introducing a potty from around 6 months.
https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Both of my sons are in their 50s now so born before disposables came.My DS1 was not fully trained until 3, but he has autism but it was not known then.
DS2 was different altogether.He became aware of being in a wet terry nappy from 18 months and would try and remove it, before screaming his head off to be changed.Every morning his wet nappy was found on the floor by his cot, from where he had flung it on waking.He gained full control of his bowels and bladder at 2 years old during the day, but still wore a nappy at night until he became dry at two and a half.As a PP said it was the feeling of a wet rag between his legs that he could not tolerate.He would let us know when he was having a bowel movement by putting his hand over his covered bottom.
My grandchildren and great grandchildren were potty trained just after their second birthdays, all wore disposables.The one exception was my grandson who has autism, like his uncle he was 3 before fully toilet trained.
My mother was one of the worst for nagging.According to her I was fully toilet trained at one year old and walking!.I told her she must have sat me strapped to a potty until I performed.I can remember my younger siblings as newborn babies being held in a sitting position over a small basin (only used for that purpose) after every feed so they would "get the feel".I can remember also things called buffer chairs.These were mini commodes with a potty placed into a hollow seat.Toddlers had their lower garments removed and sat in these even when feeding, as a tray was attached to the front.Some were left in them until they performed. In my grandmother's time, little boys wore dresses until toilet trained, as these were easier to wash and change than trousers.Once trained they were ''breeched'' i.e.put into trousers, and that was a boast for mothers, the earlier the better.

I agree that if an older 3 year old can verbalise that they need their nappy changing, then they are ready for potty training.

My 3 went to nursery 3 times a week from being babies so we had the guidance and support from nursery about potty training. Once your friend’s grandson starts nursery I expect they will be talking to his parents about getting him started on potty training. My eldest was dry day and night before 3, my NT twin by 4 and my ND twin is only partway there, but he’s non verbal and has additional needs.

But it varies from child to child- girls seem to get is quicker and easier than boys. And SEN/additional needs can make potty training a challenge.

I don't know if it's true but I read the other day that "when they are ready" came from disposable nappies manufacturers.

Mine are 10 and 5, we used cloth nappies exclusively, and both were dry and in knickers at 17 months and second birthday to the day. I’m in a mums WhatsApp group and they were all horrified at Little Johnny being expected to be in pants when school starts (September after third birthday here in Wales) and that no, Miss Jones would not be changing his nappy because she has a class to teach. No special needs with any of them, just that nobody wanted to rush their child. Bonkers.

You forgot to pretend to be your friend in that post.

One of the issues I have found with friends is that their childcare (grandparents/nurseries/child minders) are unsupportive. Happy to have a trained child or a child in nappies but not a training child.

The main reason we waited until our LO was about 2.5+ was that we had to break the back of potty training all in one go so decided to wait for a warm long weekend with an extra days leave. Probably could have started sooner but then doing it in the winter didn’t sound fun.

She's already pissed DIL off by suggesting that microwave pre-packaged food possibly not the best for the family & giving her gifts of frozen home-made cottage pies, bolognaise sauces etc. Her son rang her to tell her that DIL took it as a subtle criticism of the way DIL & him managed their family & reminded her that they both work full time & no time

So, wait, who pissed off the DIL, you or "your friend"?? Is this a troll thread or you just bitching about your DIL in the way that will keep you from getting a pasting on MN?

And yes, of course implying that your DIL should cook better when she has a full time job and a husband, who apparently isn't even on the list of people who can make dinners is not going to go down well.

Surely having two working parents is the biggest thing keeping kids in nappies compared to the times when terry cloth was common. Most people can't take a week off just to potty train so it happens when the child is ready not the parents.

Hang on. I thought you were talking about your friend's grandchild, but it's really yours?

Mine was trained within a few weeks at 20 months. Used chocolate buttons temporarily as a reward. Tapered them off after the first couple of weeks 🤷‍♀️ she was naturally dry at night a few months later

That was the OP.