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Original poster

To be annoyed ex purposely didn’t pay child support?

8 replies

Sallymads · 09/07/2025 08:28

Back story, we have been separated for over 10 years. I asked can we have a look at and recalculate the monthly child maintenance payments for our one child that hasn’t changed in 12 years and he refused, saying that he’s been over paying me for years?🤔I knew this wasn’t true, so I went to the child maintenance service to ask them to calculate instead. He was in fact underpaying me, he’s also told them she stays 2 nights per week, which she wasn’t at the time. It was only 1 if that, as most of the time she didn’t want to go. She actually asked me if she legally has to (she’s 14), because he speaks poorly to her. But still, I’ve carried on encouraging her to go. Even now those ‘2’ nights, he picks her up at 8:30pm!! She asked ME what’s the point of her going at that time?! I know what the answer is! Because it’s a difference of 50 measly quid.

So because I went to the child maintenance at the end of March, he purposely didn’t pay Aprils, they couldn’t do anything because theirs only started from the 1st of May. He has said, they told him to stop all payments whilst they calculate. Which they have told me is categorically untrue and they would never tell a paying parent, to stop altogether, but can’t do anything about it. It was also her Duke of Edinburgh award that month which he backtracked on putting towards, so April wasn’t the best for me financially. He also said because I went to child maintenance he won’t be putting towards anything for her at all in the future.

Even now he’s refusing to pay it. He actually told our daughter I was ‘mithering for money’ when he’d paid for an expensive holiday for him and his family!

In a funny turn of events, his bank has duplicated payments and he’s paid this months maintenance twice. I won’t lie, I am tempted to keep it after the stress he caused me, but being him, he’ll just withhold next months’ payment too.

However where do I stand with this two nights per week? She literally goes there to sleep for the first night, I’m still doing everything for her. Sorry to ramble on, it just really annoyed me! X

OP posts:
DayInTime · 09/07/2025 08:32

I think two nights, is two nights.

Child does have to be at DF house with them. Mine left our DC’s with his very elderly DM.

I was asked to keep a calendar of dates missed and submit this for them to make a decision on number of nights based on evidence over time.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 09/07/2025 11:10

I hate the way supporting your child financially is weaponised. You did right going to child support when he refused to review things informally, but it's really backfired if he's now gone down the route of that's all he will contribute.
As your daughter is 14, she should be able to choose whether she sees her father, whether she goes to stay over. It sounds as though she doesn't want to go but is a nice person who can be encouraged. I would let her decide each week. If she says no, I wouldn't push it. Simply ask her to let him know that she's not going this week. Keep a record of all the times you've asked, she's said no, and if she gives a reason, what that was.

caringcarer · 09/07/2025 11:15

If your DD only stays at his 1 night tell them this. At 14 I wouldn't be forcing DD to go if she says she doesn't want to go. Have a chat with her and ask her what she wants.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/07/2025 16:53

You can keep it, anything extra is considered a gift

If he withholds next month report him

He's a prick

Original poster
Sallymads · 11/07/2025 10:52

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/07/2025 16:53

You can keep it, anything extra is considered a gift

If he withholds next month report him

He's a prick

He’d definitely find some way of getting around it. Hes good like that unfortunately for me lol x

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallymads · 11/07/2025 10:54

caringcarer · 09/07/2025 11:15

If your DD only stays at his 1 night tell them this. At 14 I wouldn't be forcing DD to go if she says she doesn't want to go. Have a chat with her and ask her what she wants.

I did, they looked into it and wouldn’t change it. Hes told them 2-3 nights because he took her on holiday or she might stay his parents house once a year. So they’ve calculated it as 104-155 nights per year and won’t change it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallymads · 11/07/2025 10:59

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 09/07/2025 11:10

I hate the way supporting your child financially is weaponised. You did right going to child support when he refused to review things informally, but it's really backfired if he's now gone down the route of that's all he will contribute.
As your daughter is 14, she should be able to choose whether she sees her father, whether she goes to stay over. It sounds as though she doesn't want to go but is a nice person who can be encouraged. I would let her decide each week. If she says no, I wouldn't push it. Simply ask her to let him know that she's not going this week. Keep a record of all the times you've asked, she's said no, and if she gives a reason, what that was.

Me too. I only asked as everything is going up bills wise and my wage is covering less and less. When she said she doesn’t want to go (brought up in a Cahms meeting), he was getting very rude to me afterwards and started listing things he’s paid for over the years as in days out he’s took her on and how she has a savings account (basically saying she’s ungrateful etc) I can see exactly why she doesn’t want to go, because he’s rude and arrogant like he was to me years ago. I chastised him years ago when she was doing homework and because she got it wrong his response was “you’re not very bright are you” I went absolutely mad.
I’ve told her she always has a choice with me and she says her dad won’t give her one and she has to go because she’s 14 and a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallymads · 11/07/2025 11:00

DayInTime · 09/07/2025 08:32

I think two nights, is two nights.

Child does have to be at DF house with them. Mine left our DC’s with his very elderly DM.

I was asked to keep a calendar of dates missed and submit this for them to make a decision on number of nights based on evidence over time.

Thank you, I should probably do this too, as he’s worked her going to his parents into it x

OP posts:
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