To think we need "Supernanny" style programme back

[Hufflemuff]

Thinking of the Jo Frost TV programme, she did a UK one and a USA one about 15/20 years ago. I'm early 30s, so I used to watch her programme as a young teen/teenager. At that age I obviously wasn't looking parenting tips it was more a case of there were 4 channels in my household and that was what was on! However, loads of things she did I found sticking with me for when I had my kids.

More than ever, I think we need this lady (or someone similar) back on our screens. So many people are stuck with the examples their own parents gave them, which were frankly shit and there's so much conflicting advice online. The thousands of articles and clips with poor examples of gentle parenting, shouty parenting, permissive parenting etc... I honestly felt like Jo actually nailed it with her firm but fair & calm common sense "recipe" tbh.

(No im not Jo Frost sat here starting this thread haha 😊)

Absolutely not. Her methods were absolutely shit and a lot of the families who went on that show have talked about how they were told to exaggerate and play up the drama and difficulty for the cameras.

Her approach is not child-centred, it's authoritarian and it sets totally unreasonable expectations for child behaviour. Her approach is that with enough punishment and rigidity you can turn any child into a perfect little automaton who doesn't dare put a foot out of line (i.e. the kind of children who are much more susceptible to grooming and abuse). There is nothing common sense about her approach, it's entirely fear based.

I'm sure some of the mumsnet hardliners will decry me as some kind of hippy softie with feral kids but it's not at all the case. We're a family where we have firm boundaries which are consistently upheld but we don't rely on punishment, withdrawal of affection or an insistence on blind obedience to do that. My son is a lovely kid, kind and friendly and well mannered and not at all afraid of us.

@BeachPossum hear! Hear!

I don’t want the licence fee wasted on more low quality rubbish like that. It’s not the way I patented, and it’s not the way my children parent. And we’re all fine thanks. I do support the SureStart style initiative though.

Wasn't a lot of it based (as many of the dog-training programmes are) on the fact that kids/dogs will behave better/differently for someone who isn't their parent? I only vaguely remember Supernanny but I do remember thinking 'well, yes, you can't tell a child to do something, which it then does and then hand it back to the parents saying "you just have to tell them using my method".' Most children (and dogs) are better behaved for other people, because they know that person doesn't have an investment in making them feel 'good'.

Supernanny had some excellent methods- not all of course. But unfortunately proper parenting has fallen largely out of fashion and people see a lot of it as ‘abusive’ when it’s often the opposite.

Yes, I think that's fair.

Also, she was terrifying, with that sort of demented stare over her glasses and posture that suggested she was happy to get into a scrap with anyone who disagreed with her. You could entirely imagine her rolling around on the ground in a pub car park pulling someone's hair while her friends shouted ''E ain't worth it, Jo!'

Personally no, parenting isn’t a one size fits all and every child is different so I do think these sort of TV shows can potentially be misleading or cause stress for parents.

Absolutely hated supernanny. In one episode she called out a mum for bottle feeding her baby twice in 4 hours and said she wasn’t following a schedule and must of been too busy and forgot she fed her baby twice because they was crying 2 hours later. I also feel her method of putting child back in bed without saying a thing or offering comfort when they are clearly upset a bit cold

Im the least "gentle" parent i know but I think it's inappropriate to broadcast the behaviour of children who are struggling.

Q and As with their parents etc could be good.

I actually subscribe to the adhd dude as he has tips for parents of ADHD kids, I think his content is great so maybe stuff like that

I disagree with your stance on the putting kids to bed method. A lot of the episodes showed kids that were just fucking about and testing their parents, who usually gave in.

If the child was crying, she did comfort them at first but after a while it was just for attention and nothing more. I think its more cruel to allow a child to be awake and getting out of bed most the night, as they are shattered the next day. It looked more traumatic than it was, because the child was more shocked that their parents were changing the rules rather than being super upset about being put to bed.

No, her methods were judgmental and performative and only worked as she was a new strict adult, and wouldn't work so well with parents. Lots of these parents were very vulnerable and should have had qualified social worker support not an unqualified tv nanny

Dr Tanya Byron's book and series Little Angels was good. I found the book useful when my dc were little

I so agree, I read stories about parents (normally mothers) getting up multiple times a night with two, three and four years olds and think why, just sort it out.

Also I found Charlie Taylor's book Divas and Dictators good.

Oh I miss three day nanny! She was a bit less cold in some of her methods. I can’t find anywhere to rewatch it at the moment.

I agree with you about broadcasting the struggles of children who can’t in any way consent. The internet being what it is, I imagine some of those children have found it difficult to throw off their notoriety since some of those shows, despite being totally reformed characters in adulthood.

Having said all of that, an old episode of Jo Frost Supernanny makes a terrific contraceptive tool for a teen who is playing with fire! 😀

A girl in my daughter's class at primary's family had been on one of these programmes. I remember how she and her middle sister always held onto the pram as her mother pushed the youngest sister - this was one of the techniques they learned.

Of course it was very much outing the family as having difficulties. I'm not sure if it affected the children longer term. But the girl in my daughter's class was painted as the out of control child - she was perfectly lovely at school.

And this is why you can't run these programmes any more. It's not fair on the children.

And I believe that the Supernanny show, especially in the US, was criticised for showing children in a bad light.

Repeatedly putting children back to bed without chatting when they keep getting up is a good idea. It works. I agree that tired kids and tired parents is far worse for all of them.

TBH, I wish there was an official guideline for how people behave in public generally - it’s not just parents/kids that need training!

Why would you want to watch children being exploited to make a tv show? They can’t consent to being on these awful shows and being served up for adults entertainment. If it could be done by keeping the children anonymous then maybe, but I don’t understand why you would want to watch children and parents struggling in the way that Supernanny used to show.

Wonderful advice. Perhaps you ought to have your own tv show.

I absolutely disagree with children being put on TV for the entertainment of others.

I am fairly certain that the children involved in those programs suffered in school and life because of it. Their family life was portrayed so negatively - as were they - as problem children, problem families, terrible parents.

Was there some good outcomes - maybe? We don't really know.

Children cannot consent and their parents may be influenced by any money on offer - or help, but should that help come with a large helping of social judgment?

Even programs where the intention was to educate and help - like Child of our time had some negative aspects - some parents dropped out because of this - but others did not - I think they did allow the children not to be filmed when they were old enough to choose though - and many chose to end the relationship/filming.

Super nanny was crap.
What we need is parents to bloody parent kids.

Setting boundaries for kids does not inevitably lead to insecure attachment. Understanding that you can’t do whatever you want all the time, and that feeling frustrated or disappointed is not the end of the world is vital.