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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do tou remove an abuser

34 replies

Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:43

My friend is in an abusive relationship. She is a Tennant of social housing and has moved her partner in about six years ago. Basically, she had him living there pretty quick.
There are no kids involved as they left home when this man moved in.
He isn't on the tenancy agreement.
But my poor friend has been beaten up by this brute on numerous occasion and she did all the right things, she contacted women's aid when he broke her arm last year. He also put her in hospital the year before. (She said she fell over) and had her cheekbone broken.

Well last year when he broke her arm she had domestics come ti see her as she finally admitted he hurt her, so women's aid were intouch.

Now here is what we don't understand, although she was intouch with women's aid, they were telling her to move out of her home!
This is solely her name on the tenancy agreement.
They also gave her advice about when she calls the police to dial a certain number, she also had her house marked.
Anyway, she did have to call the police last month as he cornered her and was kicking her. She did what she was told to do but no one came out to her!
She has now resigned to just getting used to it and women's aid told her they are signing her off as she isn't interested in reporting him.

I'm so worried for her, she never told women's aid she called the police as she thinks its just not important.
This man has tried to choke her twice now. She was referred to marek. But they say she is the one who need to move when its her house!

Me and my partner can't keep having her turn up whenever she is abused.
Help please

OP posts:
savagedaughter · 09/07/2025 02:37

Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 01:08

Thank you.
I told her that too. Also as selfish as it sounds, I just don't want him turning up at my house.

That does NOT sound selfish. Don't put yourself at risk for her, when she is refusing to protect herself. Does he know where you live?

It's not cruel or unkind to accept that some women will not prioritise their safety. If, after all this, she won't take the advice of experts and they have had to give up on her, you might have to as well.

Are you willing to die for her?

parietal · 09/07/2025 05:52

Now that she is safe at your home, can she go back to the police with a list of all the events? If he gets arrested and charged, she can get her home back.

BabyCatFace · 09/07/2025 06:03
  • she can report assaults at any time, there is no time limit.
  • she doesn't need an occupation order if she's not married, he has no right to occupy the property
  • if she flees DV she can apply for housing in a new area and will be accepted, but she may not be able to take the dogs or have the same security of tenancy
  • if she reports his abuse to the police they will arrest him and put bail conditions in place. If he breaches them he will be arrested again. Eventually he will be remanded to custody. This is the route she needs to take if she isn't willing to move out.
Blodyneighbour · 11/07/2025 00:17

Thank you all so much for your replies
She's here again. She went home the next day and he had taken all his stuff.
She thinks he's gone back to his ex. He took everything but left his mobile phone.
So here I am again, looking after her dog as it won't settle as she's snoring her head off!
And she has been in tears now cos he's left her!

OP posts:
maddening · 11/07/2025 00:37

Could she ask the council to move her to a new property and then just leave him by moving to the new property without him - with a good crew a bunch of friends could move her stuff out while he is out at work or the pub.

maddening · 11/07/2025 00:39

Oops sorry saw the update - hopefully she can get her mind straight so.she doesn't let the fucker back in.

BabyCatFace · 11/07/2025 05:27

Ah there you go
she can be given all the advice in the world but if she doesn't actually want to break up with him it doesn't matter.
Maybe time for you to put some boundaries in?

PollieDarton · 10/09/2025 10:26

Why are the police not removing him from her property? That doesn’t make sense? It’s not his property.

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