My mum forces me to befriend certain people I'm not comfortable with

[user1471867483]

One guy, who is about 60, has very slight special needs, but can manage to hold down a job. He is the son of a very elderly neighbour who is now in a home. She's a lovely lady, but this 60 year old son frightens me. I grew up around him and his mum. Mum keeps saying to me why can't I be nice to him. I tell her I've never ever not been nice, but I just withdraw from his presence if he comes round to visit/comes to the door. Another neighbour describes him as strange, another said he needs a kick up the bum, another said he found his stares uncomfy. He's never done anything bad to me or anyone I know of, but I can't help the way I feel 🤷.My mum says, "You never know he might be of help one day". I remind her that he pulled a face when we asked him to help with our garden when mum and I were both ill once. He even asked mum and I to help tidy his garden! Am I being unreasonable?

You must listen to your instincts. They are there for a reason!

What's CF's? 🤷

It's because mum and I have given the guy a lot of help over the years, free car rides and he's not once done a thing for us. He just comes out asking us for favours and one day we turned it back on him as we got fed up with his asking.

Stop negotiating with your mum. It's not up to her to decide who you should feel comfortable with. If she's only entertaining him because she thinks he might be useful one day then her friendships are transactional and she quite happy to exploit someone with additional needs which is the very opposite of "nice".

Cheeky Fuckers.

How old are you that your mum's telling you how to behave?

You can avoid him if that's your choice. Tell your mum that you won't be told again.

Good one! I'm quite lovely and mum thinks by befriending him will help me, but he's not my cuppa. A lot of the time I like my own company and have become selective with whom I let into my life, which I don't think is such a had thing?

Of course you don't have to befriend this guy.

But by your own account, he's never hurt anyone so do treat him kindly and with respect.

Swear down? Wow. I've never been called that before 🙍

54 🤦

That should've been 'lonely'.

You have the power here. The power to say no to being friends with anyone you don’t want to be friends with. Be firm, stand your ground.

Ignore this. Women don't have to 'beeee kiiind!' and/or respect creepy men.

Ignore that poster calling you a CF.
Women have to develop their instincts regarding men. It’s a natural instinct to keep you safe. Never ignore that internal instinct OP. Your mother is not the boss of you remember.

This is good! I tend to forget this.

I think what you're doing is absolutely fine. Be polite and civil to him, like you would with any neighbour, but don't feel you have to be friendly. Why did your other neighbour say he needed a kick up the bum? Is there some ASB at play?

Well, user1471867483, aged 54. It's your life and you don't have to answer to anyone.

Get your attitude on and tell anyone bossing you around that you'll take care of your own business and they can take care of theirs!

How does your mum 'force' you?

Ignore yourself. The CF was in response to OP saying they asked him to do their garden.

Do you still live with your mum?

Because he's lazy and lives on other people doing him favours; even asking women to do jobs that only male physical strength can do.

Shouting.

Yes 🤦

What would happen if you ignore the shouting? Do you live together?