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Original poster

Help/Advice 12 year old behaviour!

7 replies

Boymumma3 · 08/07/2025 18:56

Hi guys im just posting really for abit of advice in where to go or what to do.

Cut a long story short my son started year 7 in september 2024, his behaviour changed drastically, there was incidents where he was bullied, self harmed because of the peer pressure (he did see gp because of this), he wasn't well behaved etc.. managed to get him into a much better school and away from all the bad at the school he was in.

Anyhow he is now in a very nice setting and a really supportive school. But his behaviour has not improved at all, I blamed the school before but now im unsure! Hes made a whole new friend group and all he seems interested in is making them laugh. He left primary such a caring loving boy greater depth across most subjects. He is now in lower grade classes, he is getting detention everyday, he has today now been suspended for fighting. His behaviour is not only at school like this but home too. He is disrespectful towards me, nasty towards his sibling most times and just thinks he can do as he pleases. I punish him, ground him and take his phone. Nothing seems to work! Everytime he gets told off he sits in tears saying he dont want to live hear and sick of been told off, but hes constantly doing things to be spoke too about how hes acting. I have sat down with him and spoken and asked whats wrong and if anythings going off which could be affecting him etc and he just says no. He thinks we are all against him but im constantly reassuring him im not but he cant expect not to be spoken to about how hes acting and getting away with doing what hes doing.

Im stuck where to go next what to do next. We are booked in again to see the GP this week and I have a meeting at school monday when he can return.

I feel like i am constantly at him which i dont want to be and obv can feel too much but he is constantly acting like this so what do i do.

Any advice or similar situations would be great.

OP

OP posts:
fruitypancake · 08/07/2025 19:47

Sounds like he is unhappy for sure OP , I would guess that events at the previous school have damaged his self esteem and now he feels he has to act a certain way to be liked by his peers ?

have been there OP, it’s worrying and upsetting . Does he do any clubs outside of school? My DS found a passion for rugby and we watched his self esteem grow, also great to make friends outside of school . My advice would be to give him lots of love and understanding. Rather than telling him off see if you can talk to him about his feelings .. e,g I can see you are feeling angry, I wonder if that is because ….’ . Really look hard for the good stuff and big him up, ask school to do the same , sounds like he’s got a bit stuck in a negative cycle x x

beetr00 · 08/07/2025 21:42

@Boymumma3 where's his Dad, what are his thoughts?

Any change in family circumstances, death of close family member?

He seems to be struggling. Do you have any idea why?

Original poster
Boymumma3 · 08/07/2025 21:47

@beetr00 his dad his here, he supports me and agrees his behaviour is bad. Which I keep explaining there is obvious a reason behind his behaviour. He just thinks its choice and him just been a brat basically.

There have been no change in circumstances, no losses, no tragic events that I can think of.

And I know he is struggling and I dont know why no I dont other wise I wouldnt have come here for advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boymumma3 · 08/07/2025 21:53

@fruitypancake you could be right regarding his self esteem definitely he does have that. We have been doing that im constantly trying to give him more praise.

He will be on a new report when goes back which is praise report they've recently bring in which they will make him goals for so many points and if he gets them he gets the reward and we have mentioned doing the same at home.

Could it be hormones sending him like this? Iv no idea!

OP posts:
Missj25 · 08/07/2025 22:13

Boymumma3 · 08/07/2025 18:56

Hi guys im just posting really for abit of advice in where to go or what to do.

Cut a long story short my son started year 7 in september 2024, his behaviour changed drastically, there was incidents where he was bullied, self harmed because of the peer pressure (he did see gp because of this), he wasn't well behaved etc.. managed to get him into a much better school and away from all the bad at the school he was in.

Anyhow he is now in a very nice setting and a really supportive school. But his behaviour has not improved at all, I blamed the school before but now im unsure! Hes made a whole new friend group and all he seems interested in is making them laugh. He left primary such a caring loving boy greater depth across most subjects. He is now in lower grade classes, he is getting detention everyday, he has today now been suspended for fighting. His behaviour is not only at school like this but home too. He is disrespectful towards me, nasty towards his sibling most times and just thinks he can do as he pleases. I punish him, ground him and take his phone. Nothing seems to work! Everytime he gets told off he sits in tears saying he dont want to live hear and sick of been told off, but hes constantly doing things to be spoke too about how hes acting. I have sat down with him and spoken and asked whats wrong and if anythings going off which could be affecting him etc and he just says no. He thinks we are all against him but im constantly reassuring him im not but he cant expect not to be spoken to about how hes acting and getting away with doing what hes doing.

Im stuck where to go next what to do next. We are booked in again to see the GP this week and I have a meeting at school monday when he can return.

I feel like i am constantly at him which i dont want to be and obv can feel too much but he is constantly acting like this so what do i do.

Any advice or similar situations would be great.

OP

Hey OP..
If you had a perfectly happy son , who went into secondary school & was bullied to such a degree, he self harmed , well I think there could be a lot of the problem ..
I would seek counselling definitely for him , poor kid 😔…
Discuss with GP who he/she may feel would be helpful for your son , someone they could recommend, also the school , the guidance counsellor would be a good person to see also who could connect you with someone..
Wishing you & your son well …x

beetr00 · 08/07/2025 22:25

@Boymumma3 it is concerning that he's changed with no discernible reason that you can think of.

I wonder if it could be helpful to contact outside professionals who could maybe point you in the right direction.

You all need some support @Boymumma3.

Original poster
Boymumma3 · 08/07/2025 22:39

Yes iv done this hoping to get the right support. We are booked in at gp this week. I also mentioned in my last meeting to school about councilling and in school support which they said we are going to discuss monday as obv nothing has improved and has now been suspended.

He denies that the bullying effected him and changed him as a person but like I said to him it may not be obvious to him that thats the reason hes been behaving like he has. He changed school and luckily got away from this. And his new school are really great.

Thats exactly what im doing I just dont know where to turn im trying gp and school hopefully help.

Thanks

OP posts:
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