To think a lot of problems posted on here could be solved if people just spoke up for themselves?

[BeTidyFinch]

Sometimes I read posts and think… this wouldn’t even be an issue if you’d just said how you feel, asked a direct question or set a boundary.

AIBU to think too many people suffer in silence, hope others will magically “get the hint” and then get upset when nothing changes?

Agree. The phrase "use your words" springs to mind. I hate it when its being directed at toddlers only just learning to speak, but for grown and supposedly competent adults its very relevant!!!!

Yes of course but then that’s like saying ‘abused women should just leave the relationship’ or ‘anorexics should just eat something’.

it completely fails to recognise the significant difficulty people have in ‘just speaking up for themselves’

Agree with the caveat that "speaking up" 99% of the time only needs to be a calm conversation, particularly if youre addressing something early on or thats a one off.

So many people seem to think there are only two options if you're unhappy - say nothing at all but seethe inside (or moan about it to 3rd parties, including anonymous strangers online) or completely kick off, have a screaming match and/or go no contact. Often they do a) for years until it builds up and the go straight to b) - with the other party completely bewildered because in their mind this has never been an issue before and the person has happily gone along with whatever for months/years.

Or they find out that the person has been
moaning behind their back to others and are understandably annoyed that they've never just addressed it with them!

It drives me mad, people have a moan so you make the obvious suggestion "well why don't you say something?" "Oh no I don't want to make a big deal/fuss."
Who said you had to?
Most people are fairly reasonable if you say something politely.

Yes a small minority will kick off no matter how politely you word something but then that's clearly them in the wrong.

Some people are impossible to have conversations with. I guess if you find communication easy you won’t understand this.

That's a tiny minority of people, though. And you won't know that about them unless you try talking to them, anyway.

It is unlikely anyone would decide someone was difficult to talk to without trying to do so first.

I can think of several instances where speaking up could be problematic and I can understand people not wanting to and therefore looking for alternatives. For example there could be serious repercussions in a work situation if the situation involves a colleague or management, or with a school, or within your neighbourhood. Some individuals could make life very difficult/stressful/awkward.