Racist neighbour

[Wtfneighbour]

NC as she’ll be on here.

just been having a conversation with my (only) neighbour and in it she said something to the effect of “I get scared if I see a black man at my door. And there’s a few black workers around here. I know you shouldn’t think like that but you just do don’t you” she’s also said something previously about looking like a “bomber” for having a beard.

FWIW I’m black. Some may say white passing but I don’t think that’s the case. You can tell I’m mixed race.

im gobsmacked, hurt and disgusted. I have small DC who are obviously also mixed race and I’m annoyed with myself for not saying something. I want to send her a message, but don’t want to cause awkward neighbourly relations as we have had a good relationship previously. I’ve only lived here a few months. Any advice?

Bump

I'd challenge her next time she says something, rather than send a message.

Ask her why she's scared if she sees a black man at the door etc.

So your neighbour posts on MN? I'm sure we will be able to put her straight, when she is being racist. Just tell her to pack it in.

Agree with pp, I’d challenge her next time by asking questions (that will tie her in knots because she won’t be able to explain). I wouldn’t message because I want to have the conversation in person and see her squirm.

YANBU. Although I wouldn't message her, I'd challenge her to her face. Like "what do you mean you're scared of them? Why?"
Make her squirm.

I hate that sort of confrontation which is why I thought to message her. When I pull people up on things I get second hand embarrassment and feel so awkward. Well, I think that’s what it is! I’m ND also so I can sometimes be either too blunt or too soft 😟

The conversation was over the phone also if it’s relevant

Just say no i dont think like that why would i 🤷‍♀️

'Well, for me that would get awkward as it would involve me being terrified of members of my own family. Who are actually really nice. I didn't realise you were so racist?!'

This is kind of what I said.

I just don’t think I can be the same with her now. Shocked!

Wish I’d have been this quick! Perfect

@Wtfneighbour given the prevalence of racism in this country, it should be called out, every time.

It is of zero value to send her a message now.

Next time, be prepared?

I think if they said anything else again I'd challenge it like it was an absurd comment, but keep it fairly light in tone, otherwise the message wont make any impact if they feel defensive. Id probably say something like 'do of course I don't, why on Earth would you feel like that?'

I feel for you OP. Are they older? I find some of my older relatives have become more insular after retiring and more fearful of people they see as different. Unfortunately they have found GB news and its really messing with their heads.

You don’t want to make things awkward yet you’re posting this on here knowing full well she’ll read it? Might as well have just said it to her face

Do you have to see her? I tend to keep away from people like this unless absolutely necessary. If you need to see her, challenge her.

Her thinking is illogical. I can understand if she says a big, burly man at the door, or if she is intimidated by a lot of men nearby, but the skin colour is irrelevant. The crime statistics show that she is worrying about the wrong thing. Workmen with a licence plate on their vehicle that anyone can take a photo to trace, who have to finish a job or they don't get paid, are not the most likely candidates (whatever their ethnicity) to be committing a crime. It's ignorance and it's irrational, as a lot of racism is.

I would probably avoid her for a while till you know her better to call her out on her behaviour. The problem is that being your neighbour, if she doesn't take kindly to it, she could retaliate- loud noise, obstructing your driveway/doorway etc. I think it may have been a good thing that you didn't say anything at first. Give it a few more months till you know what she's like. Sorry to hear you have her as your neighbour!

I wouldn’t say older necessarily, she’s in her 60s.
we live rurally so she’s my only neighbour for some distance.

such a shame as she’s otherwise a lovely woman

Gah - little advice here. I found out ours was after a throwaway comment they made over the fence one day when we first moved in. I did the same as you because I also wanted to know what they were like before provoking them and was honestly so taken aback that I didn’t really know how to respond appropriately in the moment. They moved to another country a couple of months later so that solved that problem. So no advice as I also didn’t confront ours effectively but solidarity and support - that’s a horrible situation to be in.