To think that most people who say “I’m a good person”… aren’t?

[CleverLemonOP]

The second someone says “I’m a kind, good person” unprompted, I start backing away. Truly grounded people rarely need to advertise it. The loudest moralists often turn out to be the least self-aware.

Okay then.

I think anyone who feels the need to tell you about their good qualities is lying. "I'm honest" is my red flag.

Haha I get ya, I totally agree. I’d like to think I can be a good person, but I know I have a snarky snide to me, feral at times.

I think I'm basically a good person. I don't stand for any nonsense which can make me seem harsh sometimes, but I'm confident that I'm basically good. I don't go round telling people that though!

I think in many cases people like that lack insight. They think there is some huge differernce between themselves and others who are "bad." Usually there really isn't so much of a gap.

Well self praise is no recommendation. But I'd rather have people announcing their own kindness and goodness that those who tell other people to be more kind and good. Invariably the kindness thay have in mind is highly subjective, serves to silences opposing views and involves sacrificing your own rights in favour of someone else's wishes.

Yes I've noticed this OP. People who feel the need to say "I'm a good person" usually aren't. Take my first (shortlived) boyfriend. Always telling people how bad his family were and how "I'm a good person." He turned out to be a deadbeat dad of 5 kids by 4 women by the age of 26, not paying child support, and stealing items from his employer (retail) which he kept trying to give me as "gifts".

Or take a relative, "I only see the good in people" "I'm too nice" is the nastiest, two-faced, bitchiest gossip you ever met, nothing you say is private, everything is judged, and who often says things like, "I thought you were moving and lying about the new address to get away from us" (in all seriousness) when I got the house number of our new address wrong by mistake.

It’s like people who say I’m mad, me” meaning they are funny and quirky and a bit crazy - they are usually colossal bores.

I suppose it depends on the circumstance. If someone is constantly using such expressions to justify their objectivity unkind behaviour then I agree with you.
If a person uses it as a one off, then it most likely is a good person, who feels taken advantage of for their kindness, and therefore wants reassurance that saying no to something, or putting a stop to something is the right way to deal with a particular situation.

100% agree.

It's not a quality you should bestow upon yourself.

You can say 'i try to be as good a person as I can' for example.

It's a trait other people can see in you.

It's like saying 'im so funny'

I like to think that most people are good people until they show me otherwise.
I don't really give much thought to how they feel about themself personally.

This is very funny, 'I'm a good person shite' last week I interviewed a man who wanted desperately to rent my house.
Telling me he's a good person and would be a great tenant to have. Even offered me £6k up front because he's a 'good honest person'. Riiight!!

He must've thought I was some kind of old biddy
I would have never have given him the tenancy, but I thought it would be fun to string him along

Quick google of his name bought up his cannabis growing, drug driving, drink driving, breaking his girlfriends arm, time inside...blah blah

Yes - a good kind person indeed!

As always, context is everything.

In my experience, people who say, "I'm a good person" are often people who are bemused by the way they've been treated by someone else, but have a tendency to take on responsibility for other people's actions and behaviours and so they genuinely think that when someone is treating them badly it's because that person thinks they are not a good person.

It can shift over into being a bit of a victim mentality too.

I can imagine that someone sort of loudly exclaiming, "I'm a good person" for no reason is probably a red flag. But I've never come across that.

Of course the "I say it like it is" person is usually just someone who likes to say whatever they like, with no care for the consequences.

Agreed 👍

I've learned over the years that if people seem TOO nice, TOO fast, in an instant friends too good to be true kind of way it's a red flag that sooner or later, they'll turn and not be quite he nice person they seemed in the beginning.

I agree. I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve needed to say “I’m a good person”. But it’s something a previous male manager said when he had a sexual harassment investigation that he was guilty of. The allegations couldn’t be true because he feels he is a good person, regardless of the witnesses and evidence, in his mind.

Straight talker' is another label to be avoided.

Yes, it puts me in mind of my Aunt. She tells everyone she’s a good person who cares too much about people and would do anything to help anyone - the reality is she’s a back-stabbing gossip who likes to have a front row seat to watch people’s misfortunes so she can bad mouth them and then also tells everyone she was the hero of the hour, when in actual fact she was busy drilling holes and making everything worse for the person!

I find anyone who loudly declares their positive traits are delusional or lying.

Many people once called themselves sinners, now where many people self identify themselves as kind. I have read that pride is where all sin starts.

It reminds me of a guy I used to be friends with who justified the awful way he treated his wife by saying he was a "kind, generous and good person and treated her to nice things". Like that made the other not nice stuff OK and justified!

We fell out over it and I walked away from the friendship as I cannot condone people who do things like that.

See also:

People who begin their Mumsnet posts with “I’m no prude, but…”

Anyone who says “I’m not racist, but…”

People who tell you they “Don’t mean to be rude”

Men who insist they are “too much of a nice guy” to be attractive to women

Whenever anyone declares a character trait (eg good person, empath, people pleaser) I always think ‘I’ll be the judge of that’. Time usually proves them to be the opposite of whatever they claim.

I always think of myself as a good person. I am honest, I do my bit, call me in the middle of the night, I will get there.

But I have only ever SAID it once. When I retired, my boss thought I had already had my holiday pay and was being "cheeky" (dishonest) to ask for it to be paid. I explained the error and she basically told me I was wrong. I provided evidence and got an "oh well people try it on"

I was apoplectic and blurted "I am a good person, how could you think that of me"
Just goes to show that no matter how good we think we are, others may not hold us in the same regard.