To not want PIL on family holiday

[Bus2]

Feeling a bit torn and need some advice. My pil are very lovely but mil can be a bit full on sometimes. We now see them every weekend since having dc and have had them "come down for the day" once while we were away on holiday. I am now on mat leave and planning our first holiday since baby arrived and would honestly rather not have them "come for the day".
I feel guilty because they are very generous with us (support, money etc) but i really want us to just go away as a family and not have to entertain anyone.
The weekly visits are starting to feel like a chore and i don't know how to cut them down without hurting anyone's feelings or seeming ungrateful. Aibu?

Well, for starters don't tell them where you're going! It's pretty obvious. You are making them way too involved - you can also try to cut down the visits from once a week to once a fortnight/month. This is in your hands.

You can’t possibly spend one day with them while on holiday but you’re happy to take their money??

How often would you like them to visit to see the grandchildren?

How often do your parents see grandchildren?

Well how long is the holiday ?

Are they coming to help? Could you use the time to have your hair done, shopping etc.

I wouldn't be interesting in entertaining them every week.

One day seems reasonable to me! How often do you see your parents?

How long are they stopping. If it's just for a couple of hours on one weekend day then it's manageable (but I agree it does become a chore - mine used to insist on coming at 5 o'clock on a Sunday so we had to be back if we'd been out anywhere, thankfully they only stopped an hour).
If they stay for the day then you need to put them off. Tell them you are busy and you'll see them next weekend.
As for the holiday, you are just going to have to be blunt.

What is your DH's opinion? And when do you see your parents?

They are putting it into an account for their grandchild. It isn't going to OP personally. If OP and her DH were asking her PILs for money, that would be different but they aren't.

There's nothing wrong about wanting their first holiday as a family of three when they see OP's PILs every week. They are hardly being deprived of contact with their grandchild.

Thanks again for all your responses. My parents live a long way away so we don't see them much. Although dreading it, i will have a conversation with DH. We have a good relationship with PIL and I'm not trying to cut down to be mean or anything. I'm sure i wouldn't see my prents on a weekly basis if they lived close.

Although dreading it, i will have a conversation with DH

I find that concerning in itself, in that it suggests you're not on the same page, so perhaps it would be easiest to focus just on the "private family holiday" (which is perfectly reasonable) for now, and address the rest when you've seen how that goes?

For me, whether the weekly visits are too much would depend on what they're like when with you; after all guests vary and some area easier than others.
I agree, though, that it's better to make any necessary adjustments now, rather than when things have become even more entrenched, but you'll really need a united front if it's to go well

If they xone along it will give you and dh sone alone time.

They're over stepping the mark coming on holidays, it is a slippy slope.

Don't involve them in when or where you are going on holiday. Go somewhere that will be too far away for a day visit too.

I've never understood why so many in-laws of people on here seem to want to muscle in on the family holiday, and why so many people seem to facilitate it. It's not something I have come across personally.

I quite get you not wanting them to come on your holiday. It means you can't be spontaneous or completely relax and you'll feel you have to 'entertain' them. Get DH to suggest a separate day out after the holiday. Why do they feel the need anyway, they see you all the time!

The weekly visits are starting to feel like a chore and i don't know how to cut them down without hurting anyone's feelings or seeming ungrateful.

My suggestion would be to get your DH to do all the talking on the subject (assuming he feels the same way as you) as whatever you say in this regard risks being received/seen/heard the wrong way.

I hate this lie. For some people maybe but everytime my in-laws have gate crashed one of our holidays not once has it ever given us alone time. It’s gives more waiting around for people time, having to do things you didn’t want to do people other people want to time.

What I really want on my holiday though is alone time from my in-laws and my parents not my children or I’d book a weekend away without them to start with.

If you're going to stop weekly visits and set further boundaries I would definitely not accept money.

OP you HAVE to learn to roll with this. Find a way to accommodate their visits that doesn't overwhelm you but doesn't push them aside either. As others have suggested leave DH and PIL with baby and take some downtime for yourself.

Oh, and while I'm at it, to refuse money put into an ISA for your DC just so that you don't have to feel obligated is hugely selfish and ungrateful!

I don’t know how either, but as a mil myself, I think every weekend is a bit much! Also it’s sure better to have the odd week away with them from time to time than give them space on all of your holidays.

IMO set boundaries now. As little one gets older your time will be spent in other ways anyway. Maybe over the weekends start joying clubs and slowly detach from being as regular with the gatherings. As for holidays, plan your days and ensure husband understands he needs to relay them back to PIL and explain your going to send pics and videos and see them when your back back.

Stop having them every weekend. When you go back to work you will have no nuclear family time at all if you keep this up.

Take a nuclear family only holiday.

It's time for your husband to stop taking his parents' money if he feels it entitled them to buy your nuclear family time and barge it.