Year 6 transition - to give it some time or talk to school

[Alohaalohaxxx]

DD 11 first transition day came home in tears. Isn't with any friends or even in the same half of the year as any of the girls from her primary school.
Secondary school intake is 240 she comes from small feeder where only 9 children are going.

She has been though so much in last 18 months. Family court proceedings, only talked to cafcass last week as refuses to see her dad because of emotional abuse.

I was really hoping this would be a positive change for her.

Really unsure whether to give it time or give the school a heads up and say she has come home upset.

I would say something. She should be with at least one friend- something has gone wrong there

my friends daughter was the same- had been put with not a single friend or even anyone from her school. My friend called the school who were a bit arsey and said they couldn’t change things around. But then she got an email to say the classes had been changed- I think when they looked into it they realised their mistake. Tell the school it’s having a huge emotional impact on your daughter and especially in light of all she’s been through, it needs to be looked at and for her to be moved to a form with at least one friend

Definitely give it time. My DD transitioned during Covid and didn’t know a single soul. It took a few weeks but she was fine. The school will be on it too. So they have anything in place for the new Year 7s? Residential trip or similar?

Talk to the school. They usually put the new children with at least one friend, so perhaps this is an oversight?

Honestly I appreciate she's been through so much but in 6 months time she probably wouldn't be friends with any of the kids she moved up with even if she had been in the same classes or forms as them.

I understand if must be difficult because of all she's gone through but I would just encourage her that everything will be ok and to give it time. It's very likely that no matter what she would find the transition difficult given all the other stuff she has going on.

Leave it. Friendships change so much, there's no guarantee if the moved her with someone she knows they will stay friends. Very common for kids to feel anxious and she will adjust.

Yes talk to the school!
Explain the situation, they will want the transition to go smoothly.
She might not stay friends with any of the primary children and find great friends from other schools, but it’s good to have a few familiar faces to start with.
Good luck to your daughter.

As a teacher, and a year 7 parent, I would 100% say something. Schools want to do what they can to make the transition to secondary successful. And it’s easier to make changes now than 3 weeks into term.

Ring the school, my son was one of only a few who went to the school from his primary & they were fantastic in making sure he was with people he knew.

Hmmm similar situation with DD. There’s only a few going from her year group and she’s not with any of them.

not sure whether to say something or not, I don’t want to be pegged as that parent from the get go but would it make the initial transition to be with a familiar face? I don’t even know if school would be open to her moving.

sorry op that’s not really very helpful bug just to say you aren’t the only one in this situation

My daughter is in the same position but she has a lovely form tutor so I don't think I want her moved! She can still see her primary friends at break times and they tend to make new friends very quickly. My son is year 9 and all his friends are people he met at secondary! Perhaps flag with the school to see if it's possible for her to move, but if not, then at least her form tutor will be aware of it?

Are you sure she’s in the form she’ll be in come September?

We used to emphasise that the people they were with on transition days wouldn’t be their permanent form. The logistics weren’t always resolved, because of staff leaving and arriving.

But if it is the permanent form, then do speak to the school about it. She will make new friends, but it’s helpful to have one or two that she knows to begin with.

I went to 3 different secondary schools and 3 different primaries. My siblings and I all survived. It's a shock but she'll be okay. Do encourage her. You be talk to the school but there's no guarantee they'll move her.

I would find out which 3 kids your daughter would love to be in the same form as & contact the school/head of Y7 asap, ask if there are any spaces in any of their forms, explain a bit about the turbulent time she’s been having (if you feel able)
Even if they don’t stay friends, familiar faces at the start of Y7 is everything!!
Good luck - am sure the school will do their best to help.

Definitely contact them. We had similar with our son - all his friends were together in the same form and he was with the boy who had bullied him relentlessly for years and who we'd specifically asked him to be separated from. I emailed the teacher in charge of transition at the high school and they moved him in with his friends straight away.

Are her current friendships real, good quality friendships, or more friendships of convenience?

Two of my DC were lucky and moved up with a small group of really lovely primary school friends (all in the same form). Their friendship groups expanded with some lovely new friends too, but those primary school friendships still remain their closest years later. On the other hand, I could tell that another of my DC had kind of grown apart from his primary school mates, and although being in class with them made the first few weeks easier, he quickly moved on and formed new friendships.

So that might influence my decision on whether to intervene.

My children didn't end up being friends in secondary with any of the people from Primary. My youngest chose to go to a non catchment school where only one person from primary was also going and she settled in well and made friends.

I would definitely contact the school - not necessarily to move people around, but to make them aware that she's struggling - they may be able to encourage friendships. It's only the first day, she will almost certainly make friends.

Good luck to her - I hope it works out.

I work in a school. All of our transition parents are setting up class WhatsApp groups. Do you have anything similar? Maybe you could see whether any children from her new class could get together over the holidays. My daughter's best friend knew no-one in the secondary school and we were very lucky that they just clicked on a playdate in the holidays. It also saved her from a pretty toxic frenemy from primary school.