Starting to wonder if I’m cut out for this…?

[sunflower751]

Hi everyone,
Just looking for some honest support and maybe some reassurance from others who’ve been here. I’m really starting to wonder if I’m cut out to be a mum, or if this is even worth it anymore.

I’ve had two failed Letrozole cycles and I’m currently on 7.5mg. But truthfully, I’m not feeling confident. The whole process has been such an emotional rollercoaster, and I feel more hopeless with each month that passes.

The NHS has suggested Clomid with Metformin as the next step, but I’m also getting a second opinion from a private consultant. I’m not sure I can mentally handle another round of medicated cycles, especially when they keep ending in disappointment.

To make things harder, the medication, especially Norethisterone to induce a bleed, is really affecting me. I think I might have PMDD, as the week before I bleed I become a completely different person. I feel depressed, angry, irrational, and even scared of my own outbursts. It’s affecting how I feel about myself and my ability to cope.

IVF will likely be the next step, and I’m terrified. Not just of the process, but of what comes after. I’m really sensitive to hormonal shifts, and I’m scared of developing postnatal depression. A close family member (my female cousin on my mum’s side) had a very severe case, and I worry there could be a genetic vulnerability.

Part of me is tempted to stop trying altogether. But then I panic that I’ll regret it forever. I also worry that I’m holding my husband back, he’s so ready to be a dad and I’m scared I’m the one who’s stopping it from happening.

Just needed to say all this somewhere. Has anyone else felt like this and come out the other side, whatever that looked like?

Thanks for reading x

I don't know if this will be helpful but I'll say it anyway.

I jumped through every hoop trying to conceive, before eventually landing on IVF. When I started IVF, I found I could never have conceived naturally.

I wish, wish, wish, wish that I had gone straight to IVF rather than all the before steps. I was exhausted and broken when I got to IVF in a way that I wouldnt have been if I'd just got on with it.

IVF itself was a very 'easy' process, in that someone else was in control and it was no longer about me trying to make it work.

This is really helpful, thank you so much for sharing.
If I’m honest, it’s how I’ve been feeling. NHS are advising to try Clomid if this highest dose of letrozole doesn’t work but I’m just not sure I have it in me to do further medicated cycles, it’s exhausting and the medicines are making me feel awful!