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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think about writing a book around my crazy life?!

258 replies

itsokayokay · 07/07/2025 12:35

So I’ve been talking to some colleagues today, just general chit chat but it ended up going down the route of my life and how crazy it’s been.

I’m only young but ive been through a lot in my life 🫠 and recently managed to escape a very narcissistic ex and horrendous marriage, full of control, emotional issues etc.

my colleague very seriously suggested that I think about writing and publishing a book - and it really did get me thinking…

Ive always loved reading, I have an English lit & lang degree, and I adore writing (copywriter by trade)

I guess my question is, where and how would I start?! Is it really feesable and is there a market for actually making money from all the work you put into writing?

Also, is someone’s literal life story something you would want to read? Granted it’s pretty full on and dramatic 🤣

I would love to hear opinions please!

OP posts:
EscapeToSuffolk · 07/07/2025 17:02

Aw op, just read half the thread. What a load of mean girls :(. A couple of people have said the same thing to me and now I'm wondering whether they were genuine. I'm autistic so I tend to think people are being genuine because it wouldn't occur to me to be a bitch.

What I would say is that there are billions of people out there and many of them are nicer than the people on this thread. Loads of people are interested in narcissism and will want to read your book. You just need to make sure they know what it's about. However, I'd start with a memoir or self-help because they're much easier to write and I think your audience would be more interested in that sort of thing.

People on Mumsnet just love making people feel crap about themselves, and entitled for expecting anyone to show them even the slightest interest. You are interesting to many people.

Parmaviollets · 07/07/2025 17:03

Yes but why does mnhq allow it ? It really changes the tone ,there are kind ways and means of saying things .

I am just surprised that deeply unpleasant posters seemed to be allowed but we can't be trusted with a funny emoji?

EscapeToSuffolk · 07/07/2025 17:06

@BurnTheWholeThingDown do you advertise? I'd be happy even to earn £100 a month from my book.

Samas · 07/07/2025 17:08

EscapeToSuffolk · 07/07/2025 17:02

Aw op, just read half the thread. What a load of mean girls :(. A couple of people have said the same thing to me and now I'm wondering whether they were genuine. I'm autistic so I tend to think people are being genuine because it wouldn't occur to me to be a bitch.

What I would say is that there are billions of people out there and many of them are nicer than the people on this thread. Loads of people are interested in narcissism and will want to read your book. You just need to make sure they know what it's about. However, I'd start with a memoir or self-help because they're much easier to write and I think your audience would be more interested in that sort of thing.

People on Mumsnet just love making people feel crap about themselves, and entitled for expecting anyone to show them even the slightest interest. You are interesting to many people.

No, it's just people on MN tend to rightly have a low tolerance for bull shit

EscapeToSuffolk · 07/07/2025 17:10

@Samas but the OP hasn't done anything wrong. She just asked a question and as someone interested in narcissism, I think my replies are more realistic. I think potential author asking the same question would lose all their confidence by listening to the replies on here.

I just hope you don't have children.

itsokayokay · 07/07/2025 17:11

Samas · 07/07/2025 17:08

No, it's just people on MN tend to rightly have a low tolerance for bull shit

I’ve not said anything that would qualify as BS.

OP posts:
Bikergran · 07/07/2025 17:11

A copywriter should know how to spell feasible.

TicklishReader · 07/07/2025 17:12

itsokayokay · 07/07/2025 12:46

Sorry I don’t think I was particularly clear - it wouldn’t be written in the sense that it’s me writing about my life in a first person. I’d prefer to make it more fiction based, with a storyline following my life events.

I haven’t mentioned much about my past on here as some of it is extremely raw and difficult to revisit, but I also thought perhaps writing would be a way to vent out some of that.

I think it's a wonderful idea. Well done for escaping your awful situation, and who knows? Maybe it could go on to help other women.

Creativity should never be discouraged.

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 07/07/2025 17:12

EscapeToSuffolk · 07/07/2025 17:06

@BurnTheWholeThingDown do you advertise? I'd be happy even to earn £100 a month from my book.

Yep, I spend a bit on ads, not much. I’m very niche-y though and it’s a popular one right now, and I have an audience. I’ve been blown away by how many I’ve sold if I’m honest, a few hundred of each. I keep saying to my family I just need a feeeew more zeros on the end and we can all retire to the Maldives. 🤣

itsokayokay · 07/07/2025 17:12

Bikergran · 07/07/2025 17:11

A copywriter should know how to spell feasible.

I have addressed this several times and already - I made a typo.

OP posts:
WritingItUp · 07/07/2025 17:12

First of all, I do unfortunately agree that 'you should write a book' often is a way of ending the conversation and telling you you've overshared. I found that out myself.

Second of all, I don't actually know if your story is 'enough' to be a book - perhaps it is or perhaps it isn't. It does sound like the kind of thing a lot of people have gone through but sometimes it is about how it's written. If you really want to write then I would. However, a few things to consider:

You really need to look into the process and what's involved. For example, I don't know much about publishing memoirs (although I see later you mentioned a novel) but with most publishers you cannot send them if you are un-agented. Therefore it's likely you'll want to get an agent.

Getting an agent in itself is very difficult - they get sent loads of stuff. Even if you get an agent, then selling it to a publisher is not at all guaranteed. Even if you do get published, the chances of you actually making any significant money from it is small.

I say it not to discourage you but to explain that getting a book published is more like a dream of becoming a famous footballer or singer (extremely unlikely even if you're very talented) rather than a dream of becoming an accountant (which you can probably do if you work hard enough).

That means it's not just opening up word, rattling off a couple of chapters and sending to a publisher and then they go "wow that sounds great - please write the rest and we'll organise the book tour".

It's writing several drafts, getting beta readers (which means beta reading for them in return which takes time) drafting again, putting it in a drawer and editing again. It's writing several attempts at a query letter and getting feedback because they're so hard to get right and they are so so important. You might spend literally months on the letter. Then it's sending your query out in batches, reading every single agents requirements very carefully, and tweaking depending on whether you get anything back.

Your first 3 chapters need to be absolutely the very best they can be. But also, your entire book needs to be completely done and completely polished. If they DO like it, they will request the whole thing which you need to send through right away - not in six months when you finish writing it. Unless you're famous, nobody is going to take interest in an idea and wait for you to write it.

If you get rejected by an agent, you almost 100% of the time cannot send the same manuscript to them again, so if you mess up at any of these stages, you have essentially 'wasted' an opportunity with that agent. (And your choice of agents may be smaller than you think as you need to send to people who deal with your genre).

If this is the start of you having an interest then go for it but trying to get published is a big thing and a difficult thing. I have a relative that wrote a kids book recently - she wrote it in a couple of hours. The idea wasn't awful. However, she put no consideration into things like target age range, and did not do more than one draft. She asked me to look at it, but in the three hours it took to get back to her, she decided she no longer needed me because someone else in the family had 'already checked it for her'. This draft still had multiple very basic spelling mistakes. She sent it off, unsolicited, to every publisher she could find online, and instead of a query letter, essentially sent a "hi I've written a book hope you like" kind of email.

Like I said, her idea wasn't even awful, but instead of a year-long endeavour of making the absolute best thing she could, she didn't even bother with a quick google and spent less time than you would on a job application for Tesco. Writing a first draft of the book is like the tip of the iceberg.

So I think go for it, for a hobby if nothing else. However, I would also be careful about the fact you seem to still have trauma you haven't dealt with. Feedback can be brutal, and you need to be able to look at things in a logical way - e.g. what is sellable, especially when it comes to cutting things out or changing them. Are you ready for such brutal feedback about something so personal? Because the very best case scenario - someone loves it and wants to publish it - you're still likely going to get some really brutal feedback and things that need changing.

PandoraSocks · 07/07/2025 17:13

Blimey. I am sorry you are being piled on @itsokayokay .

Get off MN and start planning your book!

itsokayokay · 07/07/2025 17:14

WritingItUp · 07/07/2025 17:12

First of all, I do unfortunately agree that 'you should write a book' often is a way of ending the conversation and telling you you've overshared. I found that out myself.

Second of all, I don't actually know if your story is 'enough' to be a book - perhaps it is or perhaps it isn't. It does sound like the kind of thing a lot of people have gone through but sometimes it is about how it's written. If you really want to write then I would. However, a few things to consider:

You really need to look into the process and what's involved. For example, I don't know much about publishing memoirs (although I see later you mentioned a novel) but with most publishers you cannot send them if you are un-agented. Therefore it's likely you'll want to get an agent.

Getting an agent in itself is very difficult - they get sent loads of stuff. Even if you get an agent, then selling it to a publisher is not at all guaranteed. Even if you do get published, the chances of you actually making any significant money from it is small.

I say it not to discourage you but to explain that getting a book published is more like a dream of becoming a famous footballer or singer (extremely unlikely even if you're very talented) rather than a dream of becoming an accountant (which you can probably do if you work hard enough).

That means it's not just opening up word, rattling off a couple of chapters and sending to a publisher and then they go "wow that sounds great - please write the rest and we'll organise the book tour".

It's writing several drafts, getting beta readers (which means beta reading for them in return which takes time) drafting again, putting it in a drawer and editing again. It's writing several attempts at a query letter and getting feedback because they're so hard to get right and they are so so important. You might spend literally months on the letter. Then it's sending your query out in batches, reading every single agents requirements very carefully, and tweaking depending on whether you get anything back.

Your first 3 chapters need to be absolutely the very best they can be. But also, your entire book needs to be completely done and completely polished. If they DO like it, they will request the whole thing which you need to send through right away - not in six months when you finish writing it. Unless you're famous, nobody is going to take interest in an idea and wait for you to write it.

If you get rejected by an agent, you almost 100% of the time cannot send the same manuscript to them again, so if you mess up at any of these stages, you have essentially 'wasted' an opportunity with that agent. (And your choice of agents may be smaller than you think as you need to send to people who deal with your genre).

If this is the start of you having an interest then go for it but trying to get published is a big thing and a difficult thing. I have a relative that wrote a kids book recently - she wrote it in a couple of hours. The idea wasn't awful. However, she put no consideration into things like target age range, and did not do more than one draft. She asked me to look at it, but in the three hours it took to get back to her, she decided she no longer needed me because someone else in the family had 'already checked it for her'. This draft still had multiple very basic spelling mistakes. She sent it off, unsolicited, to every publisher she could find online, and instead of a query letter, essentially sent a "hi I've written a book hope you like" kind of email.

Like I said, her idea wasn't even awful, but instead of a year-long endeavour of making the absolute best thing she could, she didn't even bother with a quick google and spent less time than you would on a job application for Tesco. Writing a first draft of the book is like the tip of the iceberg.

So I think go for it, for a hobby if nothing else. However, I would also be careful about the fact you seem to still have trauma you haven't dealt with. Feedback can be brutal, and you need to be able to look at things in a logical way - e.g. what is sellable, especially when it comes to cutting things out or changing them. Are you ready for such brutal feedback about something so personal? Because the very best case scenario - someone loves it and wants to publish it - you're still likely going to get some really brutal feedback and things that need changing.

Thank you so much for your reply - it’s really helpful. I will take your points on board!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 07/07/2025 17:14

Why don't t you start a substack and write individual chapters? If it is intriguing will get followers and subscribers
There are course on " how to substack "

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/07/2025 17:15

itsokayokay · 07/07/2025 17:00

Also, just curious, do you find successful authors that have written about themselves (survival etc) self indulgent?

It’s about the subject matter, I’d imagine. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich is a genuinely interesting narrative of a first-hand experience, specifically because few of us can imagine it and will never undergo it or know anybody who has, written by somebody who is a truly great writer. A story about a woman who had an abusive husband is, sadly, relatively commonplace, and unless their story involves something which piques people’s curiosity because it also involves something alien and that many people are curious about, like being part of a niche religious cult, or growing up in Afghanistan, a lot of people will find it a bit of an unusual thing to want to dwell on and write about extensively.

TicklishReader · 07/07/2025 17:15

Bikergran · 07/07/2025 17:11

A copywriter should know how to spell feasible.

Shaddap.

BadIdeaRight · 07/07/2025 17:18

Write the book! Don’t let nobodies on MN put you off.

Everybody has a ‘great idea’ for a book. Hardly anybody actually writes one.

Get off Mumsnet and write it!

PandoraSocks · 07/07/2025 17:18

Blimey @WritingItUp . Was it a picture book?

WritingItUp · 07/07/2025 17:18

PandoraSocks · 07/07/2025 17:18

Blimey @WritingItUp . Was it a picture book?

It was, yes!

Sally2791 · 07/07/2025 17:23

Good luck with your book! Amazing books have been written about mundane lives and events, none of us can know your style.

RawBloomers · 07/07/2025 17:25

I don't think it's a particularly dramatic life you need to write a good autobiography. Lots of people have interesting aspects of their lives that could be entertaining if told well. You need a good writing style, one that engages, with good timing and either a flare for description or a fair bit of humour.

And to get published and make any money at all, you need contacts in the publishing business or some SM savvy and a lot of luck.

Foolsgold74 · 07/07/2025 17:37

EscapeToSuffolk · 07/07/2025 17:02

Aw op, just read half the thread. What a load of mean girls :(. A couple of people have said the same thing to me and now I'm wondering whether they were genuine. I'm autistic so I tend to think people are being genuine because it wouldn't occur to me to be a bitch.

What I would say is that there are billions of people out there and many of them are nicer than the people on this thread. Loads of people are interested in narcissism and will want to read your book. You just need to make sure they know what it's about. However, I'd start with a memoir or self-help because they're much easier to write and I think your audience would be more interested in that sort of thing.

People on Mumsnet just love making people feel crap about themselves, and entitled for expecting anyone to show them even the slightest interest. You are interesting to many people.

It wouldn't occur to you to be a bitch but you're OK with calling other women bitches?

spoonbillstretford · 07/07/2025 17:41

Go for it.

It has to be more interesting than hearing about a couple of middle class dullards pretending to be poor, sick and starving while hiking around Cornwall.

spoonbillstretford · 07/07/2025 17:45

There are plenty of bores who think we want to hear their thoughts, ideas and opinions enough that they regularly churn out 80-100,000 words, and get published, and don't GAF whether Mumsnet think they ought to write. If you have something to say, write it down and get it out there.

manicpixieschemegirl · 07/07/2025 17:51

Foolsgold74 · 07/07/2025 17:37

It wouldn't occur to you to be a bitch but you're OK with calling other women bitches?

Quite. And someone remarking ‘you should write a book’ isn’t being a bitch, they’re being tactful. It’s a polite way of ending a conversation with someone who’s over sharing or monologuing.

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