To be told I have a big forehead

[Queenofkittens]

Sounds hilarious, and I have often joked it is, but at the same time it isn't that bad. Think Ant mcpartlin but not as big. So bigger than average, but not something that you would see first when looking at me. Anyway, I was at work yesterday and the normally shy Indian nurse who barely says anything to me says out of nowhere, you have a big forehead. I just laughed and said oh thanks. Then she gestures to the wall of our staff photos and says 'and in that photo'. I said great thanks for that. I'm honestly hurt, and annoyed that she said it, even though it's never been an insecurity of mine I'm now thinking I should get a fringe cut! Tell me how to just let this go please as I really want to say something now, but she's not a horrible person, just....honest I guess?

So the nurse is normally quiet and shy? Honestly (as a British Indian), this is literally a culture thing where that’s particular culture says thing factually and in their heads sometimes to them it’s part of normal conversation which is why the (usually shy) nurse felt nothing of saying it to you. My parents growing up were awful for this and how I have any self esteem left is beyond me tbh. If I told the, it’s rude or wrong, they would really struggle to understand since generation upon generation, this is how it’s is.

So personally I wouldn’t be rude back as that’s like being mean to someone who won’t understand why. But I would start a conversation about something random like I don’t know the weather or some such and then add ‘btw’ and basically say it’s not really polite to make observations about colleagues (or patients!) appearance as it’s considered rude and offensive and it wasn’t very nice to have someone say that and then repeat it to others. Then honestly, give her an example back of her ‘big mouth’ you thought up and say you’d never say that though as rude but you know just so she doesn’t forget and properly absorbs how much hurt such comments can do!

PS I’m Sikh, but many are Hindus and according to Google “In Hinduism, high foreheads symbolize intelligence and spiritual adornment, while also representing nobility. This physical trait is interpreted as a marker of one's elevated status and wisdom within the spiritual realm. (1) A forehead that is elevated, linked with nobility”. So it could also be that!

Culture isn't a get out clause unless she's only very recently come to the UK perhaps?

If not, she needs to realise personal comments like that are considered rude here.

Think of a feature of hers you can point out in a negative way.

Well if she was just being factual and not teasing or cracking up laughing then I would just let it go.

I also have a giant forehead and spend most Teams meetings staring at the sheer size of my own forehead. My daughter inherited it, I've made her have a fringe.

Are you really sure that she meant it negatively? Was she laughing at you or something?

I wouldn't have said a large forehead was something negative. I would say it was a positive actually, unless it's actually cartoonishly huge.

I have a pretty large forehead and so has my daughter. I also have South Asian in-laws, and my mother-in-law (who is lovely) confided in me once that the aunties had little nicknames for each of us in their language - not going to give the exact translation in case it's outing, but the nicknames were very flattering about our appearances. Basically I would be surprised to hear that large foreheads were considered ugly.

Actually yes she's only been here 2 years so maybe I can give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

Yes I don’t think for one minute this person meant to offend,but I am a bit sensitive when it comes to my own children.😅😂