This is a long one…I have always felt like my husband’s family are not particularly nice. I’d say the real downturn in family relations coincided with when I was pregnant with dc3 and was at the height of morning sickness (family were aware I was pregnant). Brother in law had invited other people outside of our family without informing anyone and there were inadequate seating. I was told to fetch a chair from upstairs 🥴 My husband and I were the only ones who landed up sitting on the floor of a child’s bedroom and also had to supervise all the children while eating. Of course I made it clear I thought this was ridiculous. Guess who cleaned up the dining room following food?
Prior to this Christmas get together we were all assigned tasks- mine is always to make dessert as apparently I’m really good at it. Everyone else just seems to chip in salads. Needless to say things dragged on at this Christmas get together and we had to make moves to leave before the dessert was even served as we live a distance away. We weren’t even able to take some dessert I’d made with us (our children were upset about this). Later on brother in law claimed they had apparently ‘forgotten’ about the cake. No one else said anything at the time of the get together. In laws didn’t step in and didn’t seem to know what to do. I spent the majority of the time sitting awkwardly on the floor trying not to be sick. I spent hours making a dessert while doing childcare and suffering with bad morning sickness. Family chat group just glossed things over.
The following Christmas was also miserable although this time it was in a pub and I basically got pushed onto the children’s table side with even a few comments being ‘jokingly’ made about it like ‘how was I coping at that end’ hahaha etc etc. We landed up stuck in traffic with a baby screaming all the way back plus two other kids fussing about the screaming. An hour and 15 minutes return journey took 2-3 hours. Again another bit of glossing over in the family chat group. MIL thought we should have stayed later 😂 even though there was no safe place for our youngest to sleep.
Now, we’ve just got through my dc3 first birthday and my husband’s immediate family ‘forgot’. My in-laws of course remembered and sent a card and money. We tried to organise a first birthday several months ago but apparently no one could make it. Suddenly in the past week a cousin of my husband was visiting from abroad and suddenly most were now available (including the day we would have held our child’s first birthday). On the day before my son’s first birthday I got told at a get together to see the visiting cousin that my child was born at a time when there are ‘no cousin birthdays’ and that he was an ‘outlier’ hence why it was forgotten not bothered with a present/ don’t know what he likes blah blah blah. Upon us leaving I get asked when his birthday was (it was the following day).
Now before anyone asks if there were any ‘reminders’ it was several times over the past few weeks including in the invitation to his would-be birthday. In addition we believe that my husband’s younger brother lied about not being able to attend our child’s birthday. Truth is him and his wife like ‘use’ people (‘users’) to do things for them and because we don’t live nearby (so eg. useless for childcare) they don’t want to invest anything in the relationship at all. I’m sure there’s some label for people like that. Apparently they had their kids all clubbed out with activities on Saturday and absolutely couldn’t miss any of it plus my husband’s brother was mysteriously away (all very top secret).
We went out to celebrate our son’s first birthday and tried hard but there was a dampen on the day. The day consisted of receiving awkward birthday messages with excuses about posting some or other card late etc etc. We’ve never forgotten to send cards and a present for cousins and don’t get so much as a ‘thank you’ by the way. Yes, we are all very busy with life but I don’t see how basic manners get forgotten.
Since the latest I’ve decided to leave two family chat groups because I just don’t have the energy to bother with it all. I don’t really see the point in engaging with people like this. I’ve told my husband it’s his family and his problem not mine. Now having to decide whether I /we attend (including my children) a ten year anniversary party for the ‘users’ or make an effort to see a friend in Ireland to celebrate her 40th. Any thoughts? What do I invest my/our time in attending?
Thanks for reading. Any advice appreciated.