Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think once youve had feelings for a friend, you can never be friends again?

11 replies

Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 06/07/2025 22:20

Well I hoped you could but I'm not so sure..I liked a colleague at work nearly 2 years ago, we were good friends who talked almost every day and hung outside of work too. People told me he liked me but I guess i got the wrong idea.
When I tried to suggest a date he seemed to panic and try to ghost me, then completely changed towards me.

Eventually a conversation came about and he said it was because we worked together, I spent a bit of time ruminating over it then moved on, started to like other people and eventually realised I didn't know what id seen in him.

Have been with my amazing boyfriend for around a year now. I still work with the colleague but in different departments now, and I became good friends with another colleague who works closely with him. I'm happy to be friends with the colleague, all that was a very long time ago and no hard feelings at all.
He doesn't want to, he hasn't said this but I can tell. He's polite if I see him in person and suggested I drop him a message. I did and he couldn't wait to end the conversation quickly enough, so I know it was just pleasantries.
There's no friendship whatsoever, it's life I guess and fortunately I've met new friends since, just think it's a shame he needs to distance himself even years later, he knows I am with someone too now.

OP posts:
juststrutting · 07/07/2025 03:47

This person is clearly uncomfortable and you need to respect that

savagedaughter · 07/07/2025 03:52

It's honestly kind of weird that you know he doesn't want you around and you think it's "a shame". Maybe he just doesn't like you. Better not to push it, certainly for him, but also for you.

I voted unreasonable for not just leaving him in peace, as it was unclear what YABU and YANBU stood for.

Isitreallysohard · 07/07/2025 03:54

They seem quite immature, and pretty conceited if they think you're still holding candle for them now given you've obviously moved on. Is there more to it, because it all seems like a non-event. I mean you were friends, you wanted more, he didn't and is still acting weird 2 years later.

Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 07/07/2025 06:25

juststrutting · 07/07/2025 03:47

This person is clearly uncomfortable and you need to respect that

I'm respecting that, don't worry. I'm saying that i bumped into someone and he told me to message, I did and then he didn't want to continue the conversation. So why say it. Nobody forced him to..

OP posts:
Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 07/07/2025 06:26

savagedaughter · 07/07/2025 03:52

It's honestly kind of weird that you know he doesn't want you around and you think it's "a shame". Maybe he just doesn't like you. Better not to push it, certainly for him, but also for you.

I voted unreasonable for not just leaving him in peace, as it was unclear what YABU and YANBU stood for.

Edited

I am 'leaving him in peace' . I used to be good friends with him, if I didn't like someone, I certainly wouldn't tell them to message me!

OP posts:
Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 07/07/2025 06:28

I suppose my initial post wasn't very clear so that doesn't help. I haven't harassed this 'poor guy'. It was someone I used to be good friends with, and had a crush on for a bit around 2 years ago. I didn't see or speak to him for around 6 months after, and I was naive to think that we could be on friendly terms years later. Got the message, don't worry.

OP posts:
Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 07/07/2025 06:33

Isitreallysohard · 07/07/2025 03:54

They seem quite immature, and pretty conceited if they think you're still holding candle for them now given you've obviously moved on. Is there more to it, because it all seems like a non-event. I mean you were friends, you wanted more, he didn't and is still acting weird 2 years later.

Edited

As far as I remember there wasn't more to it, it just meant a death to the friendship which I could definitely understand in the first couple of months or so, but years later I was surprised. When he rejected me I told him no hard feelings and there was never any bad conversation or anything ..it makes me feel bad that he acts as if I'm diseased or something , I made the mistake of having a crush, I honestly don't know why I did, anyway I guess it's his issue.

OP posts:
Ribecx · 07/07/2025 06:36

Well in your situation it sounds like he is uncomfortable.

You can't generalise it to every situation/ person, so in your OP YABU. Lots of people manage to be friends after something like this.

But if he doesn't want to then you need to respect that and just leave it.

People are different.

Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 07/07/2025 06:37

Ribecx · 07/07/2025 06:36

Well in your situation it sounds like he is uncomfortable.

You can't generalise it to every situation/ person, so in your OP YABU. Lots of people manage to be friends after something like this.

But if he doesn't want to then you need to respect that and just leave it.

People are different.

I respect it, so if I bump into him again and he tells me to message or suggests hanging out etc. I will probably just walk off, or won't even stop to chat.

OP posts:
Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahh · 07/07/2025 06:38

I know it's just faux politeness, and I guess that's his way of seeing the world so fair enough I will just completely not bother with him again and focus on my other friends

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 07/07/2025 06:49

l haven’t voted because l don’t see how the voting works in this instance. I don’t agree that once you’ve had feelings for a friend you can never be friends again. But it takes 2 people. I’ve had sex with a number of good friends and am still friends with them. No regrets and bring on the name calling, the situation was right, as were attitudes.?

But on this occasion he turned you down and is behaving more like an ex than something that never quite happened. It’s a pity but l think there is little more you can do.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread