AIBU - did I overreact or just handle this badly?

[Bigoldmoneypit]

Went on a singles night out - I never go out, but I knew a couple of people so thought why not. It was a big group bar crawl kind of thing. For context, I came out of an emotionally abusive relationship six months ago so I’m still rebuilding a bit.

Was chatting to this guy for a while, he seemed alright, then disappeared off to dance. His mate was still around and had bought me a drink earlier, so I bought him one back. Thought I was just being polite. We carried on to another bar, and when we sat down I didn’t realise the rest of the group hadn’t followed us in. So it ended up just me and him.

He started getting a bit weird - kept tapping me to get my attention (there was live music, quite loud), tried to hold my hand, kept saying stuff like “you’re a tough cookie” because I wasn’t really engaging. I was just enjoying the music and minding my own business.

Then he commented on my red bra strap being visible through the lace of my dress and said I was “trying to be sexy”. I wasn’t - it’s just the only bra I had clean that fit properly.

At that point I said I was uncomfortable and I wanted to find my friends. He didn’t stop. Still tried to hold my hand, and then said “If I asked to kiss you, would you say no?” I said “Yeah, I would.” Still didn’t take the hint.

Eventually I just stood up and said “Should we go find the group?” trying to leave politely. He said “I’ll stay here” but when he saw I was actually going, he followed.

Outside I was putting my coat on (tight shoulders, so had to lift my arms up a bit) and he did this little silent “phwoar” noise and then said “I knew you were a bit of a sexy bitch.”

Got back to the original pub, found my mates and left about 11.20.

I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel really naive. Was it buying him a drink? Was it not leaving straight away when I realised the group weren’t with us? What should I have done? I am quite an awkward person, I really struggle with any form of intimacy until I trust you. I got home and just cried that I miss my ex. I don’t, I miss the familiarity.

I don’t go out much and I’ve lost confidence, so I’m just trying to figure out if I handled this all wrong or not.

It wasn't you. You did nothing wrong. You were clear you weren't interested.

He just tried to keep pushing to wear you down

As @UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld says, you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact you were very clear, fair and took actions to get back into a comfortable situation with the group. It’s tough luck that your first experience is with someone like this but don’t be deterred or disheartened. Please take the positives that you joined a new event, had a few conversations, knew your own mind and can clearly handle yourself.

It wasn't you, it was all on him. He's not a good person.

It wasn't you.
It was him.
He acted like a knob.

You did nothing wrong, you weren’t interested and made that clear but he kept persisting. Sounds like a creep trying to get what he wants

Please don't blame yourself for a man's creepy behaviour and lack of ability to read a situation, especially after several very obvious rejections of his behaviour.

This is entirely in him and not about anything you should or shouldn't have done differently.

Just posting in support of PP that you did nothing wrong and in fact should be proud of yourself for biting the bullet and trying to get back out there re socialising and just having fun despite not long coming out a toxic relationship.

It’s not healthy to lock yourself away and I hope this jerk doesn’t knock your confidence too much.

Ok thanks - I don’t want it to seem like I’m an idiot, I’m not (usually). But yes I can see that he was trying to wear me down. Because every time I turned away, he did something again to try to bring my attention back to him but in a really pushy way. I mean if I said I’m not comfortable and I’ve said I wouldn’t kiss you - why would you keep going? The thing is before that he seemed decent.

It won’t stop me from trying again but I’m definitely happy on my own and don’t need to date.

Oh and he sort of asked rhetorical questions with a bemused look on his face “You’re quite a tough cookie aren’t you. I can’t read you” - I must have heard that 15 times!! And he was wearing me down but to the point of wanting to throw his drink at him!