To give my 3.5yo baby food again?

[ExhaustedAndPreggo]

Bit of a weird one maybe but I just need to know if I’m totally losing the plot or if anyone else has done similar. Basically my 3.5yo DS used to be a great eater, would eat literally anything I gave him up til about 1yo. We did a mix of BLW and spoon feeding, no dramas. Then it’s like a switch flipped and now he won’t touch proper meals. Refuses to even try stuff half the time.

Big issue is my DP is super fussy. Like properly fussy. Eats like a teenage boy who’s been left home alone. I’m talking freezer food, crisps, toast, biscuits, fizzy drinks all day. Barely touches veg, no interest in anything I cook. His mum apparently never made him eat anything he didn’t want and just gave him what he liked.

Now DS has clocked what daddy eats and obviously wants to copy him. He’s even started saying “I don’t like that” before I’ve even put the plate down. It’s driving me up the wall. I try and do decent meals, lots of variety, but it’s getting chucked or refused. I’ve tried ignoring, offering choices, even letting him help cook. Nada.

He’s barely eaten a proper meal in 3 days. Like properly barely anything. Yesterday he had:

• 1 slice of toast (dry)
• half a banana
• 3 pom bears
• refused lunch
• nibbled a fishfinger at dinner then said he was “too full”
• had a yoghurt before bed

Meanwhile DP had:

• 2 choc bars
• can of coke
• some chicken nuggets
• toast and beans
• more crisps
• “wasn’t hungry” when I cooked pasta

He says I’m overreacting and DS will eat when he’s hungry. Acts all dramatic if I say he’s being a crap role model. Like full sulky teenager vibes.

Anyway. I was sorting a cupboard earlier and found an old stash of those baby food jars (still in date lol) and had this mad idea to just give one to DS to see what he’d do. He used to love them. Proper cleared the lot. And part of me is just like maybe it’s better than him eating nothing??

I’m 29wks pregnant, knackered, fed up of binning uneaten food, and just feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

So AIBU to just give him a baby jar and be done with it?? At least he’d have something inside him. Wouldn’t be forever obviously just til he gets back into the swing. Or am I being totally bonkers?

I don’t think there’s any harm. I think the mantra fed is best applies here. I’d lean into anything remotely balanced you can get him to eat. Does he eat well at nursery? My picky 3.5 yr old loves boiled eggs and toast, cereal, fruit, ham sandwiches & fish fingers or sausages or chicken & chips. Will eat some veggies but nothing saucey

Give one alongside the rest of his food occasionally. 100% not instead of regular food. He’ll lose his limited ability to tolerate different textures if all he eats is puree.

I agree with you that your DP is being a shitshow of a role model. You’re going to be fighting an uphill battle and probably need professional support. A dietician? Children’s nutritionist?

if Your DP has always eaten like this it’s a bit unreasonable to expect him to change. But it doesn’t sound great health wise. It’d be a big turnoff from me.

Rather than give baby food I would aim for dialling up more of 5he food they are eating… e.g yoghurt. My ds suddenly got v fussy at 3.5 and we slowly upped foods he did eat and added small bits of variety. Good luck. There are some foods my son rejected that he ate loads of before 3.5 and has never eaten again. He is now 12 😂🤯

He’s not at nursery full time but when he does go I send a packed lunch and it’s really hit and miss. Some days he’ll eat the lot, other days it all comes back untouched. No rhyme or reason. Like he’ll eat a ham sandwich one day then act like it’s poison the next. Same with yoghurts, fruit, even those little cheese dippers.

It’s the lack of consistency that’s doing my head in. There’s no pattern to work with. He used to love scrambled eggs but now won’t touch them. Same with pasta, fish fingers, literally everything goes in and out of favour on a whim.

I’ve tried keeping things super plain, different shapes of pasta, different bowls, letting him help prep – nothing sticks. He’ll randomly eat two boiled eggs one day then gag at the sight of them the next.

Honestly I think I might try a jar just to see if it sparks anything. Even if it’s just a phase it might buy me a bit of breathing room.

It’s a turn off for an increasing number of women to have partners who eat like teenagers. My own dd has it on her do not date list! Tricky to get a child to eat better than the example set for them. You have a DH problem really. I don’t think serving baby food is the answer.

Both DH and DS possibly have ARFID.

feed what will be eaten and give vitamin tablets. As pps have said fed is best.

don't beat yourself up about it.

Firstly, let just acknowledge that you have a lot going on with being 29 weeks pregnant so it's not an easy time to address this issue, so basically saying don't be too hard on yourself.

I think your husband does need to set a better example, even if he just does something small to start with because if he is a fussy eater, your child is more likely to be one I imagine.

I would offer him foods he's not keen on alongside foods he will eat. That way you know he won't go hungry but he's still being offered the other foods as well and is being exposed to their look/smell.

My eldest child hated lasagne for months, kept offering and one day, she just ate it.

My youngest was like that with bananas, same thing happened.

I would avoid narrowing down their diet. And I think occasional baby pouch is fine, but they aren't very nutritious so wouldn't rely on them too heavily.

Feeding children can be stressful but all you can do is keep offering. Good luck

DP needs to eat away from your son tbh. What he eats is his prerogative but he needs to be doing that out of sight.

Sounds like you’ve married a child that’s happy to be a lazy parent. I’d possibly consider the jars alongside proper food, but I’m not certain they have the right nutritional values for an older child? And it could give your child issues with textures in the longer term. I’d try and tackle your DH as your kids will copy him forever and that’s not ok, he needs to atleast hide his grim habits from the kids and try and give them proper food too

OP, it sounds like your DP and possibly DS have ARFID. It’s a sensory eating disorder; onset usually around 2 1/2 years to 3 1/2. Just feed him what he will eat. Please ignore the posters on here who have no experience of this - and get used to continued judgment about your ‘shot’ parenting, until your son reaches adulthood, and beyond.

My DS has this. Try to look up the recent thread on here by ARFID sufferers, it will reassure you.

Or, use this advice to look into it and see if a diagnosis of this disorder is needed rather than ignoring all other advice and letting this poster diagnose your husband and child. It could be this, or it could be crap habits that need breaking.