Nightmare play and stay sessipn

[Strawred]

DS is starting a mainstream primary school in September. He has asd and is going through an adhd assessment. On Friday he had a play and stay session. Half an hour in the classroom then another half an hour in the hall. Parents had to stay. All was fine in the classroom apart from him taking his top off and having a melt down when the teacher tried to put it back on.

The half an hour in the hall was a complete nightmare. He would not keep still, he was running around the hall and tried to escape. They had cake from the school and on the way out he crumpled it all up and threw it. It went everywhere. Then he threw himself on the floor and screamed. He’s so fast and strong. The class teacher was lovely about it but the teaching assistant was giving us dirty looks.

I know I should give it time but it’s put a dampener on his starting

Session*

Very very very gently, you need to toughen up a bit.

If your child has needs which cause this sort of behaviour (as mine does) this is going to happen a lot. And even among school staff you will find quite a lot of judgement from the less understanding ones.

I would recommend using the day as a way to start a conversation with school about what support he will have in place when he starts, and whether he needs an ehcp (the sooner the better) or a dedicated ta (requires an ehcp first). The earlier you can gets started on these conventions the better, so that at least he has some support in September.

Well the teaching assistant can keep her judgemental looks to herself. The reacher is clearly more professional and will already be aware of your child's additional needs. If I were you I would keep a journal of what situations your dc struggled with e.g. the transition from one room to the next. Transitions and not knowing what to expect are common trigger points for children with asd and schools can work to support students with regular routines, safe spaces and accommodations for unexpected events e g not having to attend an unplanned assembly. Does he have an echp yet?

You could also get in touch with the class teacher and say that it was clear your dc will need a little more support with transition. Ask her to provide a daily timetable and spend the last bit of the summer discussing preparing your dc. Also ask about how staggered the start of term is and plan for a situation where your dc may need longer to settle in.

As a parent with a profoundly ASD child and having worked in that field my heard goes out to you.
Is the Ed Psych involved? Also teaching advisory?Was a SEN setting ever discussed before mainstream.
I suggest you get in touch with the SENCO of the school he is placed in before September to have a chat and go through his behaviours,triggers and what can be used as motivation tools to distract from unwanted behaviours.

A timetable,choosing board may help,but all this needs to be discussed prior to September.

This is a huge transition for a child even if it was ‘only’ ADHD. My daughter is in that camp and it took two years before she stopped having to be accompanied everywhere because she would just abscond from her primary school. Luckily her school was pretty good and she was not the first ND child they had seen so we had meetings and they had a number of different things they could try to help her settle in.

I would have a frank and honest discussion with them about whether they are ready and willing to do what is needed to help your son access the education he is entitled to- and I would ask whether all teaching staff have had training on ASD/ADHD as you noticed her attitude.

They need to to nip that in the bud quick smart: I have seen so many kids have their self esteem further damaged in this way in the past.

To answer a couple of questions, he has an ehcp. I had a meeting with the educational psychologist and she said his needs weren’t severe enough for a specialist school

Were they expected to sit and listen in the hall for half an hour with parents? If so this is very bad planning indeed. The two events should have been separate.
I doubt this was a positive experience for several children. Or parents!
In many schools Reception children aren’t expected into assembly/ the hall etc until settled in.
I’m assuming they are aware of his additional needs. They should have told you of the expectation at least.
I was just going to ask about EHCP
Have you had a transition meeting with the SENCO? If not try to arrange one.
You may want to post on the SEN board for more specific advice and suggestions. If there is an advisory teaching service involved please ring them and feedback.

It's great news his teacher is caring - she will be his main person. Get back in contact and ask about extending transition for you lo. Being in the large hall was clearly too much for him - shorter times in the classroom would be better so that both him and his teacher get to know each other. We have offered 6 x 1 hour sessions in small groups to those that need it this year and it's working so well x

If DS has an EHCP, is he having extra transition visits?

Have you spoken to the a SENCO about support for transition?

What provision is currently in the EHCP?

Despite what you were told about specialist provision, what do you think and what is your preference? LAs and their professionals often tell parents their child doesn’t meet the criteria for SS purely because mainstream is easier for the LA.

That’s a tale as old as time and so frustrating.
where did he see him?

It might not be the worst thing in the world that the school have had a demonstration of his needs ahead of September, as it may be that this is discussed and steps put in place to make sure that they can be met more effectively.

Classic

I would guess there are lots of children out of school in your area due to a lack of specialist places....

It may be your DC can cope with mainstream once they settle in. But they may not. Keep evidence, keep talking to the teacher, ensure your EHCP is adequate, don't feel ashamed of your DC's behaviour.

I know every child is different (before anyone chimes in with that) but this was my ASD son too at his settling in session. He ran around and tipped out all the boxes of resources, took his shoes and socks off, screamed etc.
We did a gradual settling in process - now he goes to school with no issues. If there are any major changes to his usual schedule (eg a school trip or sports day) we create a ‘social story’ with pictures and read it to him every night leading up to the event. Just thought I’d share that because I was so worried when he first started and I could never have predicted him adapting this well.

Oh and I’m just about to start the whole process again with my second (newly ASD diagnosed) son!

Id be asking for emergency review of echp. If you can't managing dc in school setting as a parent it doesnt bode well. I say this aa an sen parent

You will always get teachers and teaching assistants who don’t have children yet or don’t have children with additional needs - some will judge. I used to be quite judgmental myself until I had my own children, I'm ashamed to admit.
Put an invisible bubble around you both and let any remarks and looks bounce off.
It may be that he’s not suitable for a mainstream school but it’s too early to tell so let him have a good go and just focus on your lovely son and don’t worry what anyone else thinks.

Have you had a proper meeting with the school to go through his EHCP in detail and to discuss how they are going to fulfil it? Make sure that the class teacher is involved, not just the Head and SENDco.