Is it cheeky to ask our carpenter friend for referral discount?

[outlanderish]

We've passed our carpenters details to quite a few people and we are the first people to really use him and spend lots of money with him (9k) since he's gone off on his own. He's a long term friend of mine... and I'm wondering if it would be cheeky to ask if we can get a referral discount if we keep recommending him to other people... he also doesn't really ever say thank you when I say I've passed his details on to other people, which annoys me.

Good grief, what next?!

Sometimes people in the trade might bung a small amount to another tradie who's recommended them, but not to a past client.

Cringe.

Christ. Yes. It’s cheeky. Not exactly putting you out to say ‘Oh I’d recommend Brian Jones, he’s a great carpenter, he did our kitchen and we’re pleased. I’ll send you his number.’

But if you are particularly miffed that he doesn’t seem grateful, you could say in jokey way ‘Oh I gave your number to my friend Jane the other day, she wants a quote - it’ll be a big job, that’s the 8th person I’ve referred to you, I’ll have to start charging a fee! Ha ha!

Please dont do that. Let him offer if he wants to

I never ask for mates rates, even from long term friends. That's a swift way to lose them

Yes, i am self employed, I say no if asked. Its my choice, not something anyone should anticipate or ask for

I have got a friend like you. She won’t recommend hotels that she has enjoyed to others because she did the research and why should others gain from that. I can imagine her writing this post in fact. She’s also quite stingy.

OP don’t be like this, it is very unattractive behaviour

Yes, of course you should ask him. Come back here and let us know how it goes.

This.

Very very cheeky.
We have used our tradesmen for years 20/25. We have recommended them regularly.
What we get, practically, is fitted in on cancellations, etc, and when we have had an emergency: leak, boiler breakdown, the day the lathe and plaster ceiling gave way, they have prioritised us and helped us. Decorator, plumber, electrician, carpenter, etc. All on Christmas cards, have been invited to weddings and barbecues.

yes it would be utterly weird and cheeky. He would laugh in your face .

This is literally the height of CF.
Any time friends do work for me I make sure they are taking not a penny less than market rate, plus drinks and food in the evening!
I can’t imagine wanting to scumbag a “good friend”.

We give friends “mates rates” when they use our business. If someone asked me for a fee I’d feel a bit off about that. My friend is a hairdresser and brilliant. I recommend her all the time as I recently did with our account for an acquaintance starting a business - it wouldn’t occur to me to ask from something from either of them.

My husband is a tradesperson who has had to ask people to stop giving out his number, he has enough work on because he is very good at what he does. His phone never stops ringing. He will, however, prioritise his regular, loyal customers in appreciation of their support. If one of them had the gall to ask for financial recompense for recommendations I know he would not go to them again. Good tradespeople do not need to give kickbacks for recommendations and I think you are a total CF for even thinking this!

I thought you said he was your friend.

I don't understand your thought process.

If I can put some work the way of a friend with their own business, then why wouldn't I (working on the principle I had used them and was pleased with the work).

Equally, if a mate asks me if I know a good carpenter / dog walker / nail technician / Financial Advisor / Mechanic, then I would want to help that friend out by putting them in touch with someone who is trustworthy and would do them a good job at a reasonable price. Again, why wouldn't I ?

YWBVVVU to ask for a 'fee' to do either of those.