Anxiety over recent events

[anxietyyy]

Name changed

I’m 31 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old, I have an amazing husband and our own business, we have a home that we love and I feel so incredibly blessed BUT I am full of anxiety that this is going to be taken away from me in an instant.

Nothing good comes of watching the news I know and I don’t ever put it on but can’t help seeing things on social media, hearing on the radio etc about recent horrific events that set my anxiety off.

Lately it’s been Diogo Jota & his brother dying and leaving behind his wife, children, family and friends (of course I mean his brother too, both of them so young and healthy, life’s so unfair). I can’t get my head around the fact that they married a few weeks ago and now he’s gone and seeing photos or videos of the family, his wedding day, the brothers together, his kids etc really sets me off and I start becoming anxious about my Husband being in a car accident or dying. Like Jota and his wife, we’ve been together since 14 and now early 30s and he is the love of my life and I feel so so desperately sad for her all of the time, it’s really affected me.

I’m not usually one to be affected by celebrity deaths as horrible as that sounds, I’ll hear about it/read about it and think “that’s really sad” and the usual natural human response but I’ve never cried over a celebrity dying like I have recently and I’m wondering if this could be my hormones or is it my anxiety kicking back off again (previously medicated for anxiety and still medicated for depression which is really well controlled and I’m lucky enough to be able to live a normal life with help from meds which I know a lot of people struggle to do even when medicated so I’m extremely grateful for that).

Then there’s the recent floods in Texas and the news of those poor people who’ve lost their lives or lost loved ones and the summer camp where all of the girls have gone missing/ swept away and it breaks my heart.

I started to get anxiety again after the children were killed by that absolutely evil scum bag at the Taylor Swift dance/fun club. It set something off inside of me where I thought I could literally be in the wrong place with my daughter at the wrong time. Losing her is my worst fear (normal for parents I’d imagine) but I started getting anxiety taking her to soft play and other toddler activities but talked myself out of it and still went because it benefits her.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is how to deal with this. I’m no stranger to death and loss. I had a lot of unexplained miscarriages before we had our 2 year old. My grandparents who raised me, my grandfather died after a short battle with cancer when he was in his 60s and my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer and died the same day after being hospitalised for what seemed like a stubborn chest infection (also in her 60s) so I know how quickly life can change but it still baffles me. I miss them every single day.

Maybe I haven’t grieved properly like I thought and should go to therapy or counselling, maybe it’s just my hormones from pregnancy, I don’t know. I just know that I’m filled with dread the past few months that something awful is going to happen to my Husband, my daughter or my pregnancy.

Does anyone have any advice?

I have the same anxiety. You learn to live with it as I do t think it will ever go away completely when you love something so intensely. It sits alongside the love unfortunately.

Those news are all upsetting, but no, it is not normal to constantly be anxious because a celebrity died young. Please talk to your GP.

I think your anxiety is hightened by pregnancy, it's a time where you feel vulnerable and having small children dependent on you makes most of us aware of our mortality for the first time.

You need to actively stop yourself spiralling when these thoughts start - remind yourself that these occurrences are sad but actually pretty rare - that's why they are newsworthy. Also wasting your energy worrying about random horrible things happening won't actually stop them happening. All it will do is make you miserable and fearful.

A good way to combat anxiety is to practice mindfulness and live in the moment - we can't change the past and we can't know what's in the future. All we really have is the here and now - today. Try and make the most of every day with your little one and stay off social media - it's horribly anxiety inducing and bad for your mental health.

It’s normal to feel upset about upsetting things, but not for them to stay with you to the degree that they affect your life and day to day thinking. I say that as someone who had years and years of anxiety and like you was affected by things like the Southport stabbings.
I’ve been having CBT therapy and honestly I can say that since engaging with it properly (I’ve had therapy in the past that had mixed results) I feel genuinely improved in my thinking.
Perhaps you could look into that?
I was actually referred by my health visitor to thr Perinatal Mental Health team following a traumatic birth but she told me that even without the trauma the health visiting service is there to help if you’re honest with them. Perhaps you can reach out to your GP and just be honest with them. There can be a long waiting time but they do tend to prioritise pregnant women and mums of young children. With a 2 year old you’ll still be under the care of health visiting so I would really recommend reaching out to them. That’s, in part, what they’re there for, to help.
Wishing you the best as I fully sympathise with where you are right now 💕