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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask where to get help -6yo hurting others

5 replies

thesausagesmademedoit · 05/07/2025 23:29

Who and where can I turn to?

Full disclosure - 6yo is waiting for an ADHD assessment.

DC has struggled with relationships and is not the most grown up 6 year old.

2 weeks ago, DC aged 6 almost 7, punched friend in the head at school because friend wouldn’t share an item at playtime. DC denied it was them to all adults despite several witnesses.
DC shows no remorse.
Hit child’s parents furious.
School made the children play separately for the next few days. That night DC missed Beavers due to lying about the incident at home.

Wednesday this week, 2 weeks on. DC hits
same child with a tennis bat then says hit child did it first. Witnesses deny this. DC continues to lie to adults.
Hit child’s parents furious again. Saying school aren’t safeguarding their child. Understandable.
Headteacher calls me in, says DC is violent and bullying and if it continues, they are at risk of temporary exclusion then exclusion.
No fun swimming session for DC on Weds evening as continues to lie about incident ever happening - everyone has made it up. Again, no remorse.

DC is rude, opinionated at home. Will hurt or upset siblings to get own way. Neither elder or younger siblings are anything like this.
DC smashed eldests souvenir magnets tonight because eldest had said no to DC using their scooter - eldest was playing on it at the time. DC has own scooter too.

i have tried talking to DC about consequences, how awful hit child must be feeling, DC has missed events due to the lies and actions. Love bombing, 1-2-1 time, rewarding/praising good behaviour.
I have talked about why DC does this - they don’t know. We have worked on anger strategies. They work for days and I heap praise but then the old ways appear. I have even old school shouted about them going to another school where unkind kids go.

Where do i go from now?
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 05/07/2025 23:36

Why do you think it’s ADHD? Have you considered investigating conduct disorder?

WhereIsMyJumper · 05/07/2025 23:39

I’m no expert but that doesn’t sound linked to ADHD to me

Dramatic · 05/07/2025 23:47

I also don't think this is ADHD related.

We have had similar with my step daughter. She is now 10 and has mostly stopped hurting people but has now started stealing and bullying kids in more sly ways. She lies constantly about everything, ruins people's things etc and she has absolutely no remorse. Honestly? I don't think there's anything that can be done. We have tried absolutely everything and at this point I've had to accept that she's probably not going to change, this behaviour has been going on since she was a toddler.

thesausagesmademedoit · 05/07/2025 23:55

I don’t necessarily this it’s ADHD related just that the ADHD is in the background too

OP posts:
Anna20MFG · 06/07/2025 00:26

You don't need to say where in the country you are but you could look at the Therapeutic Consultants if south ish; an MDT approach without the waiting lists in the NHS. If not, put your postcode into the ACP child psychotherapist website. They can offer assessment and treatment package, but if thats not practical they can also offer just an assessment of whats going on that you can then take forward. Good luck.

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