AIBU to be upset about being left out?

[Mamorau]

So I’m friends with a group of women who are mums to my daughters friends and a couple are wives to my husbands friends too. We all live local to one another and have ocassionally had a few nights out together!

So this week a few mentioned individually that they were going out tonight, didn’t think much of it as I thought they were going out individually with other people. Turns out they were actually all going together and I wasn’t invited!

AIBU to be upset by this? I’m 42 years of age I thought the mean girls era was well and truly behind me!

I would be upset too. It's very unkind. Sod them.

I don't know why you'd be upset - they are obviously closer friends with each other and want to have a night out together. I don't see why they should have to invite every friend they know to every night out.

It depends, so do you all, always go out together or are some closer than others? Do you all only know each other through school or did some already know each other?

Just ask, say you’d love to go out with them next time

it doesn’t sound from your OP like you’re really so close that an invite for one ought to be an vote for all.

Are You feeling particularly low or vulnerable right now? Do you have many other friends? Have you tried to arrange things and been knocked back?

Honestly I think you’re overreacting to liken this to mean girls.

You explain a group of loose acquaintances not your best friends. Partner’s friend’s partners and mums of your kid’s friends. Like it doesn’t really sound like anything more than a passing relationship. I don’t think my mum has ever had a night out with my friend’s mums, although they get along.

Could it have been a mix up?

‘Occasionally had a few nights out together’ with some of your child’s friends’ parents isn’t some kind of cast-iron contract to never stir without one another.

Meh. I have a group of mum friends. I’m closer to some than others. What used to annoy me was I’m the only single parent (I’m a widow) and did occasionally know that they’d have dinner parties as couples and I was never included. I only got invited if it was a fairly large drinks and nibbles thing. I’d hear them talk about these other evenings and I’m sure they were totally unaware that they were excluding me.
If you feel you are missing out organise a few outings yourself and invite who you want.

It’s not mean girls if they’re mentioning it in front of you. It’s not a secret plan to exclude you. Yes, I can see it’s disappointing that no one thought to invite you too.

I think @HeyWiggle has a good suggestion: let some of them know that you’re up for similar in the future.

If they ignore that, then you’ll know there really is a problem.

I think with mum friends you need to take everything with a pinch of salt and remember they’re only people you know because of the kids. Sometimes they’re a clique, situational or total users. You can get lucky and hit on a few decent ones but I find they’re mainly transitional.

It sounds like they all assumed you were going otherwise they would not have mentioned it?

I gave up friendships about 10 years ago because of stuff like this.

Im 50 now and im so much more careful about who and what i put my energy into.

Ignore my original post was clearly still asleep. It’s not mean they don’t have to invite you to everything. You have other friends I take it?

I had a group of friends like this and agree with what some pp have said- I was invited out when it was a large group thing but that was it. I was close to a couple of people from the group and seen them regularly but they started acting a bit funny so I ended up just cutting contact. It wasn’t worth all the second guessing and feeling rubbish about myself when they would secretly meet up and then post about it on social media.

They weren’t secretly meeting up though if they posted it on social media. You just weren’t privy to what they were planning.

They were, I haven’t posted the full thing but I would regularly ask them to meet up and even suggested one particular date. They said they were busy with their husbands, one had family up, a few read and didn’t reply. The day after the date I suggested, the posted pictures of them on a night out (something I had suggested). So yes it was a secret night out that I was excluded from. No matter what age you are, that makes you feel rubbish about yourself!

Perhaps I am overreacting then, but personally I wouldn’t leave one person out.

Also I think had they told me they were all going together I don’t think it would feel so bad. Its the fact they’ve hidden it.

If they are saying their are busy when you’ve suggested meeting up then met up then they obviously didn’t want you there. They can have a night out without inviting you. It seems like they didn’t view the friendship in the same way you did.

Do you always go out as a whole group? And this time they didn’t invite you?

is it possible it was more organic, so friends a,b and c arrange a night out b sees d a couple days before and mentions it but d has plans with e so they both decide to tag along? So not deliberate and maybe some people didn’t know others were going iyswim?

is there a friend you are closer to you could perhaps mention it to?

Yes we always go as a group. It will have been arranged via a whats app group as some don’t really see each other inbetween unless there has been something with the kids and there hasn’t. A couple don’t come to the school gate as their kids have a taxi home and so they wouldn’t really see each other in passing. I’ve seen 2 of them every day this week when collecting the kids!

I’ve been there. It hurts. I’d back off from this group.

I definitely will be doing that!