To think I need professional help?

[cc99xo]

I can’t cope anymore about the anxieties I have surrounding my child potentially dying from something.

I’ve had multiple miscarriages and an extremely rough pregnancy with my son - then a very traumatic birth where I almost lost my life and my son ended up in NICU.

When he was 1 years old I had to make the heartbreaking choice to have his leg amputated (an isolated issue that causes no ongoing health issues).

It sounds stupid but it almost feels like the world is against us, like it’s always been one thing after another. I feel like I’m cursed and something bad will happen to him.

He’s 4 now and I still check that he’s breathing multiple times a night. Some nights I can’t sleep because I’m so anxious he’ll die in his sleep. If he falls ill for any reason the panic inside me is debilitating. I have intrusive thoughts multiple times a day about the ways he could die - I research EVERYTHING to ensure I’m doing everything in my power that keeps him safe, but sometimes the anxiety makes me feel like my head could explode.

Has anyone felt like this before? I’m scared to get help - mental health is definitely still a stigma amongst my family and I’ve had it drilled in my head from day one that if I ever admitted any kind of mental health worries to a professional then they’d call social services, even if my child is looked after well. I’m terrified, but I can’t feel like this any longer 💔 please be kind.

I don’t have any real advice other than to say well done. You are a fantastic mum that realises you have a problem.

you could show your GP this thread to get the ball rolling? There is help out there for you and you can work though this.

I’m not suprised after that traumatic start you’ve been left needing help with your mental health. I think most people would. Your son is well cared for so no one needs to contact SS but you deserve to not live like this. Please talk to your GP.

Oh my goodness, you have been through so much, it sounds like you have developed an anxiety disorder - totally understandable-
check out cognitive behavioural psychotherapy - CBT for generalised anxiety disorder (worry) and health anxiety

I promise this doesn’t affect my parenting and my son truly has such an amazing life - we go out all the time, we do things together, holidays etc, he loves his rollercoasters and water slides (of course an anxiety riddled mom would have an adrenaline seeking dare devil for a son!😅)

It’s the anxiety inside of me, it’s making me physically sick and I can’t go on like this any longer. How will I ever get over this? Surely even a therapist couldn’t undo these awful thoughts that run through my mind 24/7 🥲

Same start to life and medical trauma for us, not amputation but life threatening prolonged seizures. Awful. I had some counselling organized by kids hospital and it was an absolute life saver. You can feel better! Ask his pediatrician for a referral

It does not sound stupid. It is completely understandable. You have had a very rough ride. Please talk to your GP and get help from the appropriate professionals. They will be much kinder than your family (from the sounds of things).

I don't know that I can say anything to make you feel better but it's understandable the way you feel. I would be the same. Counselling may help you in this instance. I really wish you and your precious child well.

Absolutely, you will be recognised by your GP as having anxiety disorder and will refer you to the therapy services in your area, many many people including parents have this and CBT can be very effective !

I have ocd and was diagnosed with pnd after my dd was born, I relate to everything you’ve written. It definitely sounds like you need professional help, I’ve had two years of therapy now and am doing a lot better.

some things that help me and that you might find helpful are
-the fact that something terrible has already happened means something else terrible is statistically less likely to happen to you.you’ve had your bad thing, now it’s someone else’s turn.
-if he has stopped breathing or he was going to die in his sleep then you checking isn’t going to help him, it’s just making you tired and anxious which as result means you won’t be able to look after him as well in the day.

• considering the mental effects on him, you’re believing your doing everything to prevent physical illness but you being this anxious and obsessive will negatively effect him mentally. Try and focus and being calmer and positive and making him feel that way too.

They won't call social services it sounds like you're doing a really great job in really shitty circumstances. I think talking to someone would be really helpful. You can usually self refer to talking therapies if not its worth giving the gp a call. My family sound like yours iv done a lot of therapy and kept it completely to myself. Its nobody else's business. I think considering all you've been through its completely valid the way you're feeling. I struggle a lot with anxiety around health and it can be completely debilitating you deserve better then to have to carry on like this. X

A therapist can (a) help you face the trauma that drives some of the emotion and hopefully lessen you reactions, (b) help you build coping strategies for it and (c) refer you to someone for medication if that is needed. You need to face this properly and try and address it. There is absolutely no way it won't affect your kid if you don't - they will feel it.

Not read the other posts (sorry) but didn't want to read and run.

Yes, absolutely. Professional help will hopefully be very helpful. Potentially a therapist rather than a counsellor. Anecdotally I find people with anxiety who are able to talk about it but the feeling never goes away benefit much more from therapy. A trauma focused therapist may advice EMDR, which can be helpful as part of trauma processing therapy. Your GP may recommend medication if your symptoms are really affecting you. Many neonatal units run debrief sessions for traumatic deliveries as part of you understanding the thought process of the responding team at that time. It can help people make sense of what was happening to them during a very scary time.

Therapy can be an absolute investment in your mental health (both current and future) and you may even find that the techniques you learn help you to support your little one in the future with their own mental and emotional health. The benefits can be huge and multi-generational is what I'm trying to say (but in a very clumsy way!) and seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of self-awareness and hope that things can change.

You sound like a fantastic parent and have been through such a tough time so it's hardly surprising you feel like this

I would contact your gp or get some counselling

I am going through a tough time at the moment not at all comparable to yours and not child related and have intrusive thoughts go over different scenarios in my head and how I would react. Overthinking things I have just been referred to nhs talking therapy.

You are having a normal response to what you have experienced. Sadly medical professionals use stigma and say it is something wrong with you when really you need help processing what happened to you and you need care and support.

Social services won't be called your dc is well loved looked after and cared for. You just need some support to process what you have been through which is totally understandable

Yes.

My son (now in his 30s) was born with a volatile life threatening and life limiting condition. The birth was also bloody awful and we both nearly died.

I've been in weekly f2f therapy for almost 7 years now. The level of trauma I'd been carrying around for most of my adult life nearly took me out. I ended up having a really honest convo with my GP (who I've known for years and whose middle child is severely disabled) and he supported me to apply for PIP so that I could pay for my therapy.

It does get better. My son, despite his disabilities and extremely active epilepsy, lives independently. He still gets sick. We still spend weeks in hospital (including ICU). But these days I feel like I'm actually living, rather than vaguely hoping / being terrified that I'll get hit by a bus so I can escape / be tortured by the idea of who'll look after him.

I feel for you.

I’m so sorry about all that trauma you’ve faced. I think your anxiety is so understandable. I think therapy would really help. I was wondering if you happened to have an ‘employee assistance programme’ if you work. Sometimes therapy can be accessed more quickly via workplace schemes. Sending you 💐

After what you've been through OP, it would be more surprising if you weren't suffering from anxiety! There's absolutely no shame in it, it's very common and treatable. Please speak to your GP and tell them how you're feeling. You definitely need help and don't have to continue feeling like this. Take that first step and make an appointment with the GP - look after yourself lovely 💐

It wouldn't be inconceivable to have PTSD OP. Possibly EMDR therapy would help. Defo there is help available, you don't have to live with it reoccurring daily.

You've had such a tough time OP, and it sounds like you and your son have a wonderful life ❤️ entirely possible to suffer with anxiety and be an incredible mother.

Make the call to the GP, the thought of admitting you need help is the scariest part but I promise things will get easier as soon as the ball starts rolling. Social services dont get involved with things like this, it's more about helping you than helping you as a mother x

Just want to say you are never alone
You are strong and brave and a lovely mum
Please see your GP
Help is available
Wishing you all the best

Hi,
My dd was born missing an arm, which is nothing compared to the trauma of losing a limb, so go easy on yourself. Admitting you are struggling is a positive thing, not a negative thing and any GP should see that.

Have you had support from your limb centre (which one are you at - they do vary in how helpful they are)?

Also get in touch with LimbPower and other charities. Limbpower (LimbPower :: Home) does sports for amputees and have a really good children's programmes. You've just missed the children's games (normally at Stoke Manville) this year, I think, but I think it's from 5yo anyway.
It's a good place to meet other parents of amputees, but also they get great opportunities to train with the best athletes. Dd's had some opportunities that most dc can only dream of which she's only got because of her missing arm.

I can't answer much about lower limb amputation, as it's quite different (despite what the BBC once said to me), but I can say that I've known many children who have lost lower limbs (sometimes both, sometimes and upper too) and they do have a full quality of life and are able to do almost anything.

I also wonder if you have PTSD. It would not be surprising after all you’ve had to cope with.

You’ve said you’ve had it drilled into your head since Day One that your family would call social services on you if you ever sought help for your mental health?

Bizarre and pointless threat to make. I wonder who you mean when you say family. If it’s birth family it sounds like some of your current issues could have roots that predate all the trauma you’ve written about, because that’s one hell of a statement to make to a new mum with a baby in NICU. In fact, let’s be honest, it’s abusive.

But it also doesn’t make a bit of sense; SS don’t get involved because a good parent is seeking help with their MH. You’re entitled to go to the doctor/ have therapy, it’s not a failing.

You have had so much happen in short time, it would be unusual for a human being to come through unscathed. I understand irrational fear, I have anxiety and it manifests itself in a feeling of dread, mainly around the kids. It kicked in big time when something fairly bad happened - I was in an irrational headspace and it was definitely the anxiety running me - and it was nowhere close to what happened to you and your DS, no NICU or health issues.

Your DS is precious and you’re doing a great job. There is no shame at all in acknowledging there’s a problem. That’s good parenting and doing the right thing for both of you. You deserve to be happy and content.

Gosh that's a lot to have to go through. A majority of parents who have a baby in NICU will experience PTSD, it makes no sense that they don't automatically offer us mental health support. Please reach out to someone, they won't report you they will absolutely understand why you feel this way.

That’s so sad that you and he have been through so much.

You say your anxiety does not affect him but I suspect it will invisibly. Anxious parents tend to infect their children with anxiety.

I think you owe it to him to do what you can to change it.