I live in a housing association (HA) home, as do my problem neighbours. I live alone with my two children, aged 8 and 10. Next door is a household consisting of a husband, wife, and their three grown-up sons, all in their late teens to mid-20s.
Since we moved in four years ago, music has been a persistent issue. It’s not that it’s extremely loud, but the bass thuds continuously for 8–9 hours at a time. They usually turn it off exactly at 11 p.m., so I’ve assumed nothing can be done and have tried to put up with it. On a bad week, this happens 4 or 5 days. Today, for example, it’s been on since 1:30 p.m. and is still going. It is not horrendously loud, but it is just a repetitive base without pause.
They also have a hot tub in the garden with a noisy motor that sometimes runs past midnight.
They regularly smoke cannabis in the back garden and out of upstairs windows, which means I can’t open my back windows. They also flick cigarette butts into my garden. This is especially concerning because one of my children is autistic with significant needs, and a missed butt could be dangerous.
They treat the outside of their property like a rubbish bin. There’s a shared footpath down their side to access our back gardens, but it’s often blocked with their rubbish. Their adult children sit in their car and throw cans, food wrappers, and other waste into the bushes by the allocated parking. It looks horrendous.
We have allocated parking, and mine is in the middle. They regularly block my space, making it unusable. My child with more significant needs is a Blue Badge holder, so this is especially problematic. I did leave a note on the car on one occasion saying I need my spot clear, it was screwed up and thrown at my front door and the car not moved.
What’s really tipping me over is the abuse.
On two occasions when the music went past 11 p.m., I knocked to ask them to turn it down. The first time, I spoke to one of the sons. Shortly after, the dad came to my door, swaying drunk, and threatened me. He told me I had no right to complain because my children “aren’t silent.”
The second time, around 1:30 a.m., no one answered the door. I called over the fence, and the mum screamed, “F off, you stupid b*.”
When my children play in the garden, I often hear them shouting “Shut the f* up” from their property. My children aren’t screeching—they’re just talking and giggling. They had a BBQ recently and there is a hole in one fence slat. My autistic child was scooting in my garden, making no noise and the oldest adult son went up to the hole and shouted BOO through the hole at them.
Yesterday, I made a genuine mistake. My children’s school called urgently, and in the rush, I accidentally left the dog in the garden. I was gone for 29 minutes (confirmed by Google Maps). The dog barked incessantly, which I know is awful to hear, but it was an honest mistake—he’s never left outside.
When I returned with my autistic child, the dad was yelling abuse at me in front of him. I apologised, as I could hear the dog and knew it wasn’t okay. I also later spoke to my other neighbours to apologise pre-emptively. They were lovely and supportive, saying they knew it must have been a one-off as they've never been disturbed by him in the four years I have owned him. They also mentioned that the dog didn’t bark excessively until the problem neighbours started peering over the fence, which made him go nuts.
They seem to have issues with various people. On more than one occasion, people have come to their property screaming threats. It’s frightening. I worry that one day someone will get physical and we’ll get caught in the crossfire. I don’t feel safe leaving the house when that’s happening.
I’ve emailed the housing association just asking if I can have a chat about the situation. But I’m scared. If I complain formally, I worry they’ll make my life hell. There are so many of them, and I feel vulnerable.
The oldest son has an ex-partner he has two children with, and they’ve treated her terribly. I’ve witnessed the middle son abusing his girlfriend. The dad has a conviction for assaulting a woman within the past seven years. I don’t think my concerns are unfounded.
Does anyone have advice on how to approach this in a way that limits the risk of retaliation?
Nothing on its own is a huge issue, but when you have all of it together it just becomes a lot.
I’m desperate for some peace and safety for my children and me, but I’m scared of what might happen if I push too hard. AIBU to say enough is enough?