School mum friend making comments about my baby's weight

[Iammeltin]

**weight. Can an admin change it in the title please?

I have a school “friend” mum (I used the friend loosely as she’s starting to annoy me and we are only acquainted by our kids).

She has a 13 month old and I have a 6 month old.

We both have children in year 2 ( that’s why we know each other).

Shes can be really nice and giving and always offering to help out with our elder child if we need it (we haven’t but she offers).

However, since I’ve had a baby - she keeps commenting on how small she is. How her baby is so chubby. She even commented on my child’s clothes saying “oh my child couldn’t fit into that sort of style of clothes as she’s so chubby”. My baby was screaming once as she needed a nappy change. She commented on how her child never screams and is always content.

My husband said hello to her the other day and she plain out ignored him - we think it’s because he talks to another parent who doesn’t like her. My husband talks to everyone and why should we pick sides. It’s not high school - we are there for our kids.

She gave me a jacket her baby got for her birthday as it’s too tight for her chunky baby.

Her comments don’t make sense as she said her eldest child was chunky and now he’s under doctors supervision as he no longer eats and my eldest is a really good eater. So I could say, what did having a chubby baby get you with your eldest child? But I wouldn’t because that’s not the person I am.

She’s foreign, so I was putting it down different cultures etc but not sure anymore.

We went out for lunch the other day and her husband joined us, and I brought along my baby as hers was in nursery and mine was not. She kept going on about how petite she was, then mentioned how petite another child’s baby was in the school.

Her husband realised and said her baby is healthy and that’s when she stopped.

How would you deal with her? Do I distance myself? I feel like she’s only going to get worst as they get older?

Put your brave pants on, tell her you find her comments rude/disrespectful/annoying and that if they continue you’ll be severing the acquaintance. You don’t have to put up with this. I got sick of folk making comments about my baby being petite/well behaved/sleeping well etc so just started making comments back about their baby(I was hormonal/annoyed/pissed off). They didn’t like it when I bit back

Who cares??

As much as I’d find it annoying to me I wouldn’t let it bother me in the slightest. I’d either grip her at the time of her comments, everytime or just ignore and not give them the time of day. But then I am pretty thick skinned. She seems a bit rude and unnecessary but end of the day her comments and opinions are irrelevant xx

Why are you taking "petite" to be an insult and "chubby" to be a compliment? It could just as easily be the complete opposite way round. Maybe she is envious of your petite baby.

If I was you I would distance myself from her. Tbh school mum friendship always turn sour. Keep yourself to yourself.

When my second child was born, a relative and a friend had babies at the same time. Theirs slept well and ate everything. Mine was a nightmare ( although still gorgeous). In the end I stopped listening to it all. You are looking after your baby and everything is fine. Pay no attention and enjoy your lovely baby x

That would wind me up.

I'd turn it back on her.

"Aw, yes he is a bit chubby, are you worried about his weight? Is he overweight though? I'm sure he's still within the average range. You know what, don't even let yourself get stressed about it, when he starts walking I bet the weight will drop off. And your eldest was a chubby baby too and now he's...oh well I'm sure that won't happen this time," (pat hand soothingly.)

I had chunky babies with no hair, if I see either a little dinky baby or a baby with beautiful hair, you bet I’m saying “look at their hair” or “oh my gosh he/she’s like a doll she’s so dinky” this isn’t me being rude, it’s just that when you’ve had 2 kids that come out looking like 50 year old racists called Steve (pink, bald and a bit overweight) anything that’s an alternative makes you fawn & you coo over them. I would be mortified if it was upsetting someone, please tell her and ask her to stop as a first option.

It just sort of sounds like she is a bit of a pain and you don't really like her. Does she have any good qualities, do you enjoy her company?
I think commenting on baby weight/size is quite normal, I'm always squeezing a chubby baby (friends baby, he's got glorious little legs) or saying "aren't they sweet and dinky" - I don't think it's a veiled suggestion anyone is parenting incorrectly.
It also sounds like she's looking to feel good about her children, your eldest is clearly very healthy and athletic, hers is clearly struggling food wise (and probably elsewhere if they don't eat). I imagine she's really proud the little one eats so well, because she's looking for things to be proud of. I do find it weird whe people see their child's weight (especially babies) as anything but genetics/chance but I imagine she wants you to go "wow well done you, what a big boy, you're doing so well with him".
So either give her what she's craving to hear, tell her to pack it in, or phase her out - depending how much you care about her friendship and what you feel like putting up with. I think it's all weirdly competitive with babies and it's daft - daft of her to say it, but also daft to care much about her saying it.

I can't understand why you are getting upset about someone noticing your baby is dinky. It's not an insult.

From your title, I assumed someone had been commenting on your weight - which is considered rude in Western society, but mentioning either the tininess of a dinky, cute little baby, or the munchiness of a chunkier baby is very normal small talk when people are in the company of a baby. Neither is insulting or upsetting - as you say, babies come in all sorts of shapes and sizes for all sorts of reasons, even before you factor in the age difference.

Which country is this woman from, @Iammeltin?

Yes I see what you mean.
i think it’s the way she’s saying it…
When I met her for lunch this week… she asked me if I’ve seen so and so’s baby (someone’s baby in a year below us) and how the baby is so skinny. I just don’t get why I would actually bring that into conversation? Maybe it’s not something I care to comment on…

The comment on my baby having a unibrow is still strange…I’m surprised no one does not think that is.

She used to be okay but she’s getting worst and has a habit of talking about other parents, their children and spreading rumours about parents she doesn’t like.

@meagansmullet she is polish.

Tell her to stop that you don’t want her opinion on the matter, if she doesn’t listen then ditch her

people are always going on about babies sizes and its very annoying. My baby is a big one and I never hear the end of it. Her brother was the same they all even out in the end.

You are really coming across as over sensitive. If you are happy with your baby’s weight, why does it even bother you? Some cultures value being larger, and comment on others.

You also started this as a thread about her saying your baby is small, and are now criticising her for entirely different things. She clearly thinks you’re her friend, so feels able to chat to you/gossip, and you apparently feel differently. If you don’t like her, don’t hang out with her. But don’t make her out to be a bad person because you don’t like her.