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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

9 year old hurting himself

4 replies

Heartbeats18 · 05/07/2025 11:32

Am I being unreasonable? I have tried to maintain good relationship with my son school but I really feel like these are safeguarding issues and im geting more upset that he is being failed. What do you think?

My son has been struggling with serious self harm for a few months now. Recently diagnosed ASD and on pathway for ADHD. CAMHS think these behaviours are a result of unmet needs primarily at school. Fast forward to recently and he was suspended for hitting another child on Friday. He then ended up in hospital after a long weekend where he was emotional and had multiple behaviours. He attempted to tie a charger cord around his neck and was admitted to hospital.

His suspension ended on the Wednesday but I was told he couldn't come back to school as a risk assessment needed doing. I said that one should have been done back in May when the first known incident of self harm in school occurred ( he strangled himself, punched himself and threatened to stab himself)
When this incident occurred, staff rang me but I missed the call twice, they didnt ring my work number or dads number or work. I rang back and was told that teacher had gone home and to ring back on the following Monday, he was then sent to an external afterschool with no information passed over to their staff. Since then he has repeatedly scratched his hands, had incidents of self strangulation and hurting himself with rulers, rocks etc. The school said a verbal risk assessment had been carried out. I recieved a copy of this new risk assessment on Thursday this week and no mention of the self strangulation behaviour was included, the first line said he will hit his peers ( he has done this on two occasions only) the second line was he will break things and the third line was he 'may' self harm. (bare in mind I pick him up daily because of this behaviour so I dont think it should say may self harm)

There was also a school trip on Friday this week and no mention of it was made to me or my son, he found out from a friend. I asked school and they said err he's meant to be back Monday. I said no he's allowed back when the risk assessment was completed which is Friday. I said so what about the trip and she said she would ask the headteacher, he was only allowed to attend if myself or dad came. My son made the decision not to go as he felt he was being left out and felt it was unfair that his parents had to go. He has been accessing swimming offsite for months prior to this without myself or dad going and there is no risk assessment for leaving site either.

I have sent an email over but I feel like they are not taking this seriously. Camhs have said he is a real risk for severe injury/death. Ed psychologist had said she thinks it's related to sensory issues ( we are due to full report back in 3 weeks and asd advisory teachers believes sensory issues are contributing to the behaviours. We are also waiting for the report)

There are other multiple issues where his behaviour has stemmed from teacher issues such as being made to join in a sensory session when he has wanted to sit out. I asked the teacher about it and she said well sensory is about burning engery off and Joseph wouldn't join in so he was encouraged, this created a behaviour. Another incident, he was made to stand up for 10 minutes because he was swinging on his chair ( the chair was removed for safety which I agree with) but when he asked the teacher to sit on the floor he was told no you need to stand. He explained his legs where hurting and was made to stand.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 05/07/2025 11:48

Is he in mainstream?

it sounds like his needs are not being met. Regardless of the communication with school etc (and it does sound like there are issues) then personally I would be pushing for a new school/more supportive environment.

most mainstream schools are not set up to handle that level of self harming.

GhislaineDeFeligondeRose · 05/07/2025 11:51

It sounds really stressful. Sorry you and your ds are going through this. I think the school were right to want you on the school trip if he's at risk of severe injury or death. I don't think that's unfair as the other kids don't have that risk, so parents not needed. It sounds like the school can't cope with him. I hope someone comes along with useful suggestions who is more knowledgeable

stayathomer · 05/07/2025 11:56

op this doesn’t sound like the right school for him. Nobody’s fault but it just doesn’t seem like it’s working

Heartbeats18 · 05/07/2025 12:17

He's in mainstream, bright, clever, articulate but he really struggling emotionally which has being going on for 2 years, but the self harm behaviours have increased the last 3+ months. My issues are why wasn't a risk assessment completed when he first showed evidence of self harm behaviour? I have expressed we are worried for his safety but yet he was still able to harm himself daily. The risk assessment which has finally been put in place doesn't reflect the current risks and I just feel I don't know what to do as I feel like they just aren't bothered. I would have happily gone on the trip, however that isn't the issue. The issue is we didn't even know there was a class trip until his school friend mentioned it and when we asked the sendco at 4pm the night before she said he's not back tomorrow and I said he is, the risk assessment is in place now. There was no inclusion and wouldn't have been had I not asked. Had they told us earlier we could have discussed this with our son and gave him time to process this.

OP posts:
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