To wonder how people with high-responsibility jobs cope with life events

[SummertimeWTFery]

What i mean is....

Imagine you're a surgeon and the night before major surgery you get ZERO sleep. How the hell are yiu supposed to cope the next day?!

Or imagine you're a barrister with a massive case you're representing and you're just about to go into court, but you just found out your partner died.

I work but its a low-stakes profession, I do everything in my power to not have an off day, but if I do, its not the end of the world.

I think i would be a complete mess in the situations described above.

I’m a nurse. If the surgeon isn’t well enough to practice safely and there’s no alternative the patients get cancelled. It happens more often than you would think.

Exactly. I hold a lot of responsibility at work and as such my first responsibility is to myself - if I'm not well in myself I cannot be responsible for others. Good healthy boundaries, self awareness and knowing my job/worth isn't more important than their lives

I used to be a lawyer and in the barrister scenario you described the judge would delay the case to a different date, no question.

there are very few roles where you HAVE to perform in extremis. Very few.

Part of the high level responsibility is being able to say when you can’t safely do your job or weighing up the consequences of different actions and choosing the best option available, no?

My job is not ‘high stakes’ in terms of impact on people but if I don’t do it well it could cost the company millions. Not quite the same because others can do the role instead of me and there are different levels of risk, but if I can’t do my role at the right capability for whatever reason, I flag it up asap and we swap over.

I think a lot of these people are good at compartmentalising and leaving everything else at the door and focussing on the job in hand. But as PP says, they also flag if they aren’t feeling able to do their job for whatever reason.

Presumably either things get cancelled or a colleague stands in.

I’ve worked night shifts after no sleep and adrenaline carries you through. Not ideal but had to happen.

Any well run organisation will function effectively even if a key person isn't there. There will be a deputy of some sort or another team member who will step up.

I can tell you've never been on a seemingly endless waiting list for an operation that kept getting cancelled 😂
But, I also know what you mean, this week we've had an absolute family crisis, I've been at the hospital every day, doing schools runs etc (which I wouldn't usually do both morning and afternoon) and have thought thank god I'm able to take this time out of work.

I see my cardiologist regularly due to a heart condition. She is my age (late 30s) and has 2 young DC aged 2 and 4. I asked her once how she can perform heart surgery if her DC haven’t slept well and wake during the night.

She told me that on the nights before she performs surgery, she hires a night nanny who sleeps on their sofa bed, and deals with any night wakings or issues with her kids. The cardiologist will wear ear plugs so she’s not disturbed. Sometimes she’ll even sleep overnight in the residential area of the hospital to ensure a good night sleep.

Aren’t a larger percentage of people in high power jobs psychopaths? So maybe it doesn’t effect them in the same way 😁

Ultimately if you know there is a risk you will perform negligently then even in a high stakes job you take the necessary time off

I've had a barrister unable to make court due to personal reasons, it was a big high stakes case (it was for my work).. the judge was very understanding of the need to push the court date back

I think as people they are also better at “getting on with things”. That’s not a criticism of others, but it should be allowed to say some people just are more resilient about things than others. That’s multi factorial, not right or wrong, and down to everything from personality, privilege, to how someone has been raised and life experiences and everything in between. I’m a doctor, and when training had to work 80-90 hour weeks, often 24+ hour shifts. The culture was just to get on with it, which many people (not incorrectly) wouldn’t do now. Some people just aren’t as capable as others, but might have other qualities. I’m sure a lot of people are much nicer than me.

Yes there's truth in this too. You're not going to get through law school/medical school /the early years of your career unless you have a certain amount of grit

I'm a barrister and when one of my parents died unexpectedly I texted a colleague and they told our clerks (they're like the people who administered our diaries and practices) and they either adjourned or reallocated my work. Similarly I covered a High Court hearing at pretty short notice when a colleague's parent became very ill suddenly and she had to fly to see him. Thankfully he was ok!

Colleagues were brilliant as were judges, clients were very understanding (everyone knows life happens) and I think at least some of my clients were delighted when rather than me turning up to represent them (at the time pretty junior) they ended up with a brilliant QC who kindly agreed to cover for me at the same price!! Bonus.

I think 99% of the time people can rearrange. We're just like anyone else, and like you I'd be a right mess! That's in noone's interests.

Having a good nights sleep isn't as much of an issue. If you need good sleep for your job you tend to get good at sleep techniques. And one bad night... you can usually make up for it with coffee.

i always imagine this is why pilots, surgeons and other stressful jobs end up with lots of people with alcoholism and other drug addictions, not to mention broken marriages etc

Married to an intensive care doctor. It’s necessity really, but I do think they’re another breed. I’d be weeping two hours in if I did it.

My husband is a pilot and he does a lot to ensure he is adequately rested. If he has an early report he often sleeps in the spare room or sometimes stays at an airport hotel. He always eats quite a while before he needs to sleep and we try not to have any big or stressful conversations late at night. Occasionally he can’t sleep properly despite all that and they can call in unrested. There are pilots on standby and there is a supportive work culture in terms of needing to be fit to work so it works… I wouldn’t say it’s always easy on the family as there is zero negotiating from our side!

A doctor once told me you better be just about dying before you cancel on a patient you have all prepped up for something like a colonoscopy. Compartmentalise, I guess?

I was told that professionalism means being able to be told your mother just died and your husband has cancer, and still getting out there and doing the job anyway. I don't know if I agree but no life is at stake if I try and mess up.

I’m a doctor. I’ve had a few shitty life challenges over the years. To an extent, compartmentalising personal problems is one strategy (I’ve been at tail end of numerous miscarriages during clinics).
Even bigger events (parent deaths/husband having a new cancer diagnosis), I’ve taken a bit of time away. During tough times, being at work has actually been helpful as a distraction and, perhaps selfishly, can offer perspective (ie frequently coming across others who are having an even tougher time).
I do think my career has afforded me quite significant resilience and evolving emotional intelligence over the years. I always remember that it’s ok to say ‘enough’ though.

I dont actually have a responsibility for people's lives but i am a chief executive. I am a plough through regardless type. I dont really have off days. I have taken about 3 days sick in the last few years, and will do so if I am absolutely kaput bug otherwise I just push on and deal with the consequences later.

I think about this every time I have a bad night’s sleep. I do have a professional job and it’s not unimportant but I can easily cancel meetings or hide behind my emails all day not doing much. If I need a day off for something personal I take one and everything just carries on. No one dies if I can’t be bothered that day

Not a life & death scenario, however I know of a school receiving an ofsted phonecall the day the headteacher’s father had died. They came regardless.

I think it’s a mix of resilience, ruthless prioritisation and having decent support systems. But I also think there’s an element of routine. I’m sure if you’ve done 1,000 appendectomies then you’ve got the routine ‘in your bones’, so to speak and can run a little bit on auto pilot. OK, probably not auto pilot but you know what I mean!