Smart phone or no Smart phone

[PeanutPies]

Title: Yr7 phone dilemma – balance between safety, smart tech & responsibility

Hi all,

Would really appreciate some thoughts here.

I’m considering giving my daughter (starting Y7 in September) my old smartphone. The main reason? We’re beginning to encourage some independent travel and I’d like her to get used to the idea of accountability, responsibility, and staying in touch. She’s sensible and we’ve already talked about boundaries — no social media, safety first, and I’d retain control/settings initially.

However, a new WhatsApp group with local parents has sprung up, and there’s a strong push toward giving kids only basic/brick phones — no smartphones at all. I understand the concerns completely — screen time, distraction, online risks — but I’m starting to feel that completely shielding them may be unrealistic long-term.

We’re raising kids in a digital world — surely the aim should be to teach them how to use tech safely and responsibly, not delay the inevitable until the stakes are higher?

To me, it’s like learning to swim — better to wade in with floaties and supervision than throw them into deep water later on. I don’t want her to be the only one with a basic phone either — we all remember what that felt like in school.

Would love to know if others have gone the “smartphone with guardrails” route — what worked, what didn’t, and whether it’s made them more aware or just more sneaky 😅

Thanks in advance!

Bump

I would check the phone policy at school to see what's allowed. I agree it can become important to be connected in digital age. There are many tools to track and limit screen time. So it's fine although I wish there was a world without smartphones and social media platforms being so integrated with everything and there is always a risk as a parent. My dc uses public transport and has been using my old phone with time limits.

There’s something about this post that really stinks of chat gpt.

I get it, I had the same dilemma, but I am so grateful I did not give my DC a smartphone at that age. Some thoughts on your post.

We’re raising kids in a digital world — surely the aim should be to teach them how to use tech safely and responsibly, not delay the inevitable until the stakes are higher?

Why are the stakes higher when they are older? And why do you need a smartphone to learn how to use tech responsibly? When you started using tech, were you irresponsible and unsafe with it?

I'd rather my child be exposed to porn, cyber bullying, beheading videos etc at age 16 than 11 personally. Although of course I'd rather they never saw that at all. 1 in 10 9 year olds have been exposed to porn. That's 3 kids in every y4 class, on average. The number goes up as they get older, obvs.

To me, it’s like learning to swim — better to wade in with floaties and supervision than throw them into deep water later on. I don’t want her to be the only one with a basic phone either — we all remember what that felt like in school.

Or is it like sex and booze, given how addictive smartphones can be - you don't hope to get your child started early on those do you?

Also it sounds like loads of parents are giving brick phones so she definitely won't be the only one with a basic phone?? Make it make sense 😂

If you're worried about safety, a phone can't save you, in fact look at all the people mugged for their phones. You can get devices that allow you to track your child if you feel the need (although there is worrying emerging evidence about that).

There is isn't there.

So much of the phrasing “stakes are higher”, “smartphone with guardrails”, “we all know what that was like right?” …. All very GPT-ish

We’re raising kids in a digital world — surely the aim should be to teach them how to use tech safely and responsibly, not delay the inevitable until the stakes are higher?

How do you plan to do that?
There are many many posters on MN who thought they could trust their young children, had the talks, locked down phones, etc etc
Then are devastated to find their young children are being groomed, have sent or asked for nude, have viewed pornography, are being bullied, are being exposed to pro-ana sites..,

I gave my oldest a smartphone with a screentime app giving me some oversight and control - constant battles for greater access, because peers have it.

My younger one I gave a brick, far less of a headache.

Delaying the inevitable yes, but allowing the brain more time to develop can only be a good thing before it's fried.

"To me, it’s like learning to swim — better to wade in with floaties and supervision than throw them into deep water later on. "

Floaties give parents a false sense of safety. They also really change how children feel in the water making correct strokes quite difficult. A locked down smart phone is similar. You have to watch/check in/talk all the time even with the lock in

We have a dumb mobile as a home phone.
All the children have access to it. My teenager has a what's app group he can chat to his friends on. It has no photos or social media. It stays in the dinning room. He can email a photo to me and I text it to the home phone if he wants to share it on whatsapp.
He has a laptop for school which is reasonable shut down but we still need to monitor it.

Having spoken to older teens who wish they’d never had a smart phone, I would definitely consider waiting until a child of mine was a bit older. I don’t think we adults always know what it’s like for young people who are under huge amounts of pressure. It’s porn, social media, body image - too much for young minds.

I'd rather my child be exposed to porn, cyber bullying, beheading videos etc at age 16 than 11 personally.

Sums it up for me. The Overton window has moved so far in a decade. Allowing your child to see these things would have been a safeguarding referral 20 years ago. Society has just thrown their hands up and helplessly let it happen. I hope there's a return to sanity- then this is going to be the thing we look back on with disbelief.

If you do go ahead make sure you do your research on whatever parental controls you add. Check what workarounds there are, can they change the timezones to get around time limits? I've heard of apps being added that look like a calculator but actually link to Instagram or other apps. Other kids can share their screens on your child's phone and then parental controls don't work. It's a minefield. Not to mention the horror stories of being sent violent porn or beheadings etc. Someone needs to design a phone that is truly safe for children. If they saw this stuff in real life it would be a huge safeguarding issue, not sure why it's not seen like that when it's online

@Ohmybiscuits thanks- yes will do. It’s such a minefield

Some of her classmates in the current school have had smart phones from year 5- some with all the social media apps made available. I’ve been clear with her there is no way she will have a phone until she finishes primary but I didn’t realise how difficult the decision making process will be!

Someone needs to design a phone that is truly safe for children.

They have. But parents are terrified that their children will be left behind if they don’t have a smart phone.

You’re lucky to live in an area with sensible parents. Have a read of some of the threads on here, shocking. Delay it.

Agree with this. It’s really quite simple - a child is better able to ‘deal’ with the dark side of the internet when older, more mature, less impressionable etc etc.

No amount of parental controls can stop them receiving seemingly innocent messages which actually link to pornography, severe animal cruelty etc etc.

Hi,

I use a smart phone with NO internet/ games / WhatsApp etc for my 11 year old twins.

Just photos, location and text/calls.
yes. it’s a hassle locking them down so hard, but I’ve made the phones so boring that the girls mostly ignore them and see them as a hassle even.
I set the downtime on the internet from 6am-5.59am.

They are in Year 7, they haven’t felt ostracised/ left out at all ( though admit they do feel hard done by! )
Our school is bringing in Yonder pouches next year anyway so that will help.

I’m their mother, not their friend. I wouldn’t have coped well with a smart phone at their age.

@CalmAzureMaker i was thinking along these lines.

@Stripeyanddotty which phone is the this please?

I did let my DS have one in year 7 and it has been a complete disaster. Whatsapp being the worst offender. I have had to completely remove his smartphone.

I have ordered a phone from a French company called The Phone. It looks like a smartphone but only has text, calls and notes - no camera or Internet. He can have it in yr 9. He hasn't been bothered at all at the removal surprisingly. I think he is relieved tbh.

When they're 13 apple revokes parental controls

Also 75% of children have attempted to circumvent parental controls

And something like half of them have been successful in doing so

Really?! Does Apple revoke parental controls at 13?!
I had no idea. I might have to change to a proper dumb phone then. Or maybe it will have changed in a year or so?

Either way, thanks for the heads up.

aware that it’s going to be a constant battle, but parenting shouldn’t be easy I guess.

Where this is concerned I’m happy to fight and every day is a win.