Dd was best friends with A through the first few years of primary. A was very possessive of dd and there were several incidences where she would pull her to the ground by her hair or grab her arm digging her nails if dd tried to leave or didn’t do what A told her to which left dd anxious and upset.
In year 3 Dd was then buddied up with a new girl, I think strategically by the teacher to give her a break from A who seemed to then go off with another group who have a bit of reputation of being mean girls. A completely dropped dd now she had her new group, blanked her or laughed if dd spoke to her so we encouraged her that A wasn’t a good friend and she should just ignore her also.
Anyway 2 years on now dd has her own group
and is much happier and more confident. The two groups don’t really interact or share party invites though there has been some nastiness.
A’s group have for recently for whatever reason kicked her out. Either true or just a made up rumour but they told the whole class that A wet the bed on a sleepover.
Dd has engaged with gossiping and laughing along at A’s expense. She also told a Y6 friend who then spread the rumour round their year and I think have been in bigger trouble for taking it too far. I have spoken to her about being kind and not getting involved and the whole class have been told the same at school.
A’s mother has reached out to me to try to arrange plans and A has been paired with dd for a project and moved onto her table at school so it seems the expectation is that dd and her group will accept A rather than her own group.
AIBU to think it’s not fair on dd to have to be friends with A now she doesn’t have any better options? Obviously dd needs to be kind and not laugh along which I know is hard when everyone else is but I think that should be where her responsibility stops.