To feel like I will never be free until one of us die? TW:abuse/traume

[JustAMugsGame]

Nc for obvious reasons but as the title states... AIBU to feel like this? Like I can never truly be free of my abusers and the trauma I suffered until either they or I die?

To clarify, I have experienced multiple versions of abuse throughout my life, from childhood with my parents through to teenage and adult relationships. All of which I have thankfully escaped, am NC with and am in a much better place through years of extensive counselling. However there has been attempts over the years of one or all of them trying to reach out to contact me.

So the feeling of true freedom is never really there and I don't think it ever will be until the option for any of them to randomly resurface and trigger me at some point is gone. So it's unlikely to happen until one of us dies. I'm obviously not talking murder or anything. But does anyone else feel like this? Is this normal?

Of course YANBU to feel like that, but YABU as well because you are free of them. You have gone NC, they want to reel you back in but you won't let them. You have strong boundaries and know to reject what's not good for you. Bloody good on you. Stay strong.

I have discovered that I will never be free of it. Like you, there have been many occasions of abuse, and life isn't long enough to recover. One's been dead 13 years and it's still there.

All that has helped is realising that people get so upset about SA abuse because other than killing someone, it's one of the worst things that can be done to them. Each day brings challenges...feeling unworthy, dirty or inadequate to name but a few. I either choose to keep going or I lose what life I do have, and those I love lose me.

It is very tough, but getting past anger and absolutes has served me well. Unfortunately, for those who abused me, they're carrying it too. In my situation, they're family members and despite the pain, I will love them anyway. It is imperfect and sad, but because I can't wipe out the past, I can only choose to go forward.

I am glad that you are here and survived all this, you are strong and you have done really well to make it this far in life.

I wish you peace x

PS If anger works for you, then of course you should use it xx

You are physically free but not mentally free. All you can do is continue to work on your mental health and hope at some point you find peace.