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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I overreact? Noisy teen sex

25 replies

cryingandshaking · 04/07/2025 11:11

I was going to nc for this, but decided not to bother & hope nobody recognises me! DS 19 has a lovely girlfriend, they’ve been dating for 8 months and obviously they are having sex. I don’t mind his GF staying over and they are using contraception (condoms plus she is on COCP). Thankfully I’ve never heard anything! I don’t care if it happens when I’m at home but I would rather not have to listen in…. His bedroom is on the top floor of our 3-storey house.

Last night I got in from work at my usual time - DS knows my usual times. I was in the kitchen on the ground floor and could hear a LOT of loud female moaning, and presumed it was the neighbours with their window open. I went up to bed (middle floor) and it was really loud and obviously coming from DS room. I was annoyed as I have an early start on Friday mornings. I rang DS mobile, told him to cut it out and hung up. Told him this morning it’s unacceptable and asked him if GF would “carry on like that” (my words) in her own house with her mum around - obvs the answer was no. He apologised and was embarrassed, GF probably heard me as she left very early, unusually for her.

Now I feel bad…. AITA?

OP posts:
Surroundedbyfools · 04/07/2025 11:13

Naa you didn’t over react. I’d maybe not have phoned him and just made a lot of noise crashing around so it would be clear I was home and in the morning told him he’s taking the piss but you’ve definitely not been OTT

DonnaBanana · 04/07/2025 11:14

No but I think you do need to keep a sense of humour about it. It’s okay to be pissed off in the moment and it’s better they know than not, but I wouldn’t let it linger like a bad smell either. If you bring it up again keep it lighthearted.

Koinophobia · 04/07/2025 11:15

You probably did overreact, tbh. Not in having an opinion but in the delivery.

I would have had a quiet word with DS along the lines of what they do in their room as adults is their business but to be aware that loud sounds travel and you prefer not to be able to hear, could he and GF ensure they are being discreet.

tinyspiny · 04/07/2025 11:16

YANBU , I bet your son would tell you to keep the noise down if the roles were reversed .

ShamrockShenanigans · 04/07/2025 11:18

I don't know if you're an arsehole.

But you certainly weren't being unreasonable.

Porkychops · 04/07/2025 11:19

I am proud of you. When my son's GF kept doing that I had a veiled conversation with him and said that I didn't want to hear anything through the wall. We both knew what I meant. I think it was a bit of F you behaviour from the GF in our case.

Velvetbee · 04/07/2025 11:20

I still have occasional flashbacks of standing on the pavement chatting with the neighbours one evening when the sounds of ecstasy coming through my daughters open bedroom window interrupted us. Shes 25 now but I still cringe myself inside out.

Howareyoufeelingtoday · 04/07/2025 11:37

Why are you feeling bad?
You shouldnt be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home.
They should have respect and consideration to you and shouldnt have needed to be reminded of the fact

pizzaHeart · 04/07/2025 11:42

Koinophobia · 04/07/2025 11:15

You probably did overreact, tbh. Not in having an opinion but in the delivery.

I would have had a quiet word with DS along the lines of what they do in their room as adults is their business but to be aware that loud sounds travel and you prefer not to be able to hear, could he and GF ensure they are being discreet.

This ^
I've clicked that YABU. If I was a girlfriend I would think that you were very annoyed forever (whereas you were just pissed off in a moment) and would struggle to come back. Hand on heart is it a result you are after?

Catsandcannedbeans · 04/07/2025 12:33

I mean you were a little frosty to the GF, she probably thinks you hate her and is mortified but… idk she probably wouldn’t carry on like that in her own home with her mother there.

Your DS knows your schedule better than his GF I assume, so really he should’ve know to either keep it down or not have sex at that time. You’re not unreasonable but I personally would have had a word with DS and not the girl.

HunnyPot · 04/07/2025 12:51

You’re not being unreasonable. She wouldn’t put on a performance like that in her own home so she needs to learn some respect for you. I’m disgusted for you.

randomchap · 04/07/2025 12:57

Did you really need to call them while they were in the middle of it?

Surely you could have drowned them out with the tv/radio etc and then have a quiet word afterwards.

An adult conversation about respect would be a far more appropriate way of dealing with it.

ThisIsALow25 · 04/07/2025 13:02

Catsandcannedbeans · 04/07/2025 12:33

I mean you were a little frosty to the GF, she probably thinks you hate her and is mortified but… idk she probably wouldn’t carry on like that in her own home with her mother there.

Your DS knows your schedule better than his GF I assume, so really he should’ve know to either keep it down or not have sex at that time. You’re not unreasonable but I personally would have had a word with DS and not the girl.

Shes didn't. She had the conversation with her son and doesn't know whether the GF heard. If the GF is embarrassed now, why is that and who is it down to?

I think what you did was fine. OP.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 04/07/2025 13:04

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable.
They were VERY disrespectful

Motnight · 04/07/2025 13:07

How has Op been 'frosty' to the girlfriend 🤔?

Op I think that you dealt with it really well!

Original poster
cryingandshaking · 04/07/2025 13:22

thank you very much for all the honest replies! I completely understand what some PP being about maybe not having rung him during the time, I was just really annoyed at the prospect of getting even less sleep than usual on a Thursday night. I do like the girlfriend a lot and she’s always very welcome here, her mum‘s boyfriend doesn’t allow her to have any guests at their home so I always try to make an extra effort to make her feel welcome. I have a good relationship with my son and hopefully we’ll be able to deal with this with a little humour as well!

OP posts:
NewGoldFox · 04/07/2025 13:25

Best to nip it in the bud and set the expectations.

isthesolution · 04/07/2025 13:34

I definitely think you’ve done the right thing. I wouldn’t want my child having sex in my house when I was there full stop.

Swapozorro · 04/07/2025 13:35

I probably would have left the house so I didn’t have to listen to it and then sent him an angry text telling him that you had to leave due to the noise.
im sure they are both absolutely mortified.

PinkBobby · 04/07/2025 13:36

cryingandshaking · 04/07/2025 11:11

I was going to nc for this, but decided not to bother & hope nobody recognises me! DS 19 has a lovely girlfriend, they’ve been dating for 8 months and obviously they are having sex. I don’t mind his GF staying over and they are using contraception (condoms plus she is on COCP). Thankfully I’ve never heard anything! I don’t care if it happens when I’m at home but I would rather not have to listen in…. His bedroom is on the top floor of our 3-storey house.

Last night I got in from work at my usual time - DS knows my usual times. I was in the kitchen on the ground floor and could hear a LOT of loud female moaning, and presumed it was the neighbours with their window open. I went up to bed (middle floor) and it was really loud and obviously coming from DS room. I was annoyed as I have an early start on Friday mornings. I rang DS mobile, told him to cut it out and hung up. Told him this morning it’s unacceptable and asked him if GF would “carry on like that” (my words) in her own house with her mum around - obvs the answer was no. He apologised and was embarrassed, GF probably heard me as she left very early, unusually for her.

Now I feel bad…. AITA?

No, you weren’t being unfair, especially as it was most likely performative sound effects! I think it’s fine to remind them that other people exist and you don’t want to have to hear what they’re up to! Embarrassing, sure, but they’ll get over it.

ThejoyofNC · 04/07/2025 13:38

If she's mortified then it's because her actions were mortifying. That's her problem, not yours.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 04/07/2025 14:17

Given that they're usually really quiet, I'd say that you probably were a bit unreasonable.

It sounds like they didn't realise you were home, had maybe lost track of time. Mentioning it to your son was probably reasonable, but personally I'd have just chucked the TV on loudly to make it clear you were home, and then discussed it with my child the next day once the girlfriend had gone home.

Bananalanacake · 04/07/2025 14:19

I'm impressed you know what contraception they're using, most teenagers would be too embarrassed to discuss that with their mum.

KellySeveride · 04/07/2025 14:21

To be fair if that were one of my children I would have hollered up the stairs to keep it down because I could hear them. Which hopefully would have the desired effect.

Hankunamatata · 04/07/2025 14:23

Least you rang him. I would have banged on bedroom door and told them other people live here

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