Annoyed that DH discussed my medical issues with his best friend?

[bubblesssss]

So I had a private hospital a few days ago and DH decided to take a few days off work to help with the kids.

Anyway his best friend called him randomly and asked why he wasn’t at work etc.

It turns out I have suspected endometriosis and an ovarian cyst which DH disclosed to his best friend.

They discussed this and apparently his best friends partner also suffers from cysts and endometriosis is “normal”’ according to his best friend.

I am absolutely furious at DH.

His best friend dosent like me and always has a habit of minimising anything I go through like suffering from suspected sepsis in childbirth, having a PPH, having blood transfusion, having a womb infection weeks later, I get sick of DH always discussing my medical issues with him.

I have told him if he keeps on discussing my personal affairs with his best friend I will discuss his with my friends.

AIBU to feel so annoyed?

There’s a couple of things here.
I would say that generally, it’s fine. If he asked why he’s off work, you’d expect him to answer truthfully. Sharing the diagnosis itself I suppose it also fine with a best friend as you’d expect them to speak about their lives / feelings / things that are happening and have an outlet. If my DP had an issue I would probably discuss with my best friend as it’s a way of confiding and airing out feelings in a more open way. I would say that your DH likely just didn’t think about how that would affect you when he said it.

The issue you have is with the friend who minimises your experiences and almost makes your H think they’re smaller than they are. The friends is shitty to do that, but I think it’s more of a reflection of him than your DH. Your response to H should be that not everyone experiences the same thing the same way - some endo is manageable, some is excruciating. Same with migraines - some people cope, some want to gauge their eyes out. Tell him that because his friend keeps mocking you, you don’t want him sharing details about your condition.

@TY78910yes you hit the nail on the head
Its the fact that I feel so mocked all the time by his best friend and makes DH feel as if it’s nothing when it’s not.

Depends on if your DH knows how you feel about sharing personal medical
information.

I have told DH that if I want to share personal medical information with anyone, I’ll do so myself, so do not tell other people otherwise I’ll keep it to myself.

DH doesn’t care who knows his but I care who knows mine.

Yanbu

I wouldn't in general have a problem with my partner discussing things like this but if he had a friend known to minimise my experiences I would be upset if he then spoke to them.

Do you talk about your husband to your friends or family? If so you can’t complain when he talks to someone about you

YADNBU. Assuming your DH is aware that you don’t want your private medical information discussed then I think your DH is really out of order. It’s also wrong to assume it’s OK to discuss it without checking with you. Your DH is even more out of order if he knows how you feel about his friend or is aware the friend doesn’t like you. There was no need to say anything more than he’s off work because you’ve had a medical procedure. I’d be furious too.

I may be more sensitised to medical privacy because it’s part of my professional role and I appreciate he’s just chatting to a friend but I still think it shows a lack of thought for you @bubblesssss and seems like placing a friend’s curiosity above your privacy.

OP literally says at the end of her first post:

I have told him if he keeps on discussing my personal affairs with his best friend I will discuss his with my friends.

I would take it that she doesn’t and definitely not to a friend who would go out of their way to minimise their health issues.

OP - that's awful. Your DH needs to zip his lips and just reply to his friend that you were having a few tests done. DH's friend does not need to hear all the ins and outs. You have been through quite a lot medically recently and need to feel supported and not a subject for general discussion.