Falsely listed CM payments

[UnderWaterAquarium]

Recently separated from my husband and we are still living together until I move out in a few weeks. We have an unofficial CM agreement where we agreed to sort it out amongst ourselves.

Custody will be 60/40 roughly.

Recently we had rubbish removed from our garden and sent me the money for it via a bank transfer. I just noticed that he listed it as CM for (our children’s names)

Also one of our children receives DLA in a separate account and ex transfered an account to both of our accounts for furniture and other items for our son. He also listed it as CM for both children. WTF!

I understand that I’m still living in the marital home and haven’t moved out yet but what the hell!

Financially we are classed as separated now with myself claiming UC as a single person and carers allowance etc.

What are everyone’s thoughts please?

When I pay the same person it doesn't update what it's listed as unless I manually change what it says hence whatever I transfer to DH it always says the same. I think you're over thinking this. Maybe he just forgot to change it or couldn't be arsed.

I'd say he's trying to be clever and leave a paper trail that he's paying child maintenance.

This happens to me too, I don’t usually remember to change the reference so it just stays the same.

He’s never listed that before. It’s something new he has typed in.

He’s pretending he’s pad child maintenance when he hasn’t - so I assume he’s trying to get credit for those amounts in any divorce and financial settlement. He’s also demonstrating that he plans to lie and cheat through this process to get an advantage over you.

So it’s time to start documenting everything.

Put everything in writing - if he challenges that and says you can just talk, say you just want to have clear records.

So for example - he transfers DLA to you, but calls it CM. Email or text him with a screenshot of the bank details showing where the money came from, and say “Thank you for transferring the money from DS’s DLA account. I confirm I received x amount and have used it to pay for DS’s required furniture as discussed. Here is a copy of the receipt for the furniture for your records.”

Courts will see through his nonsense quickly, he’s not the first man to think he’s being clever.

Yes I think so.

Yeah, I've dealt with an absolute muppet like this. Have you done a CMS calculation? Considered keeping it all official?

It’s very worrying especially as the DLA is now I my name as I’m primary carer. I’m sharing it with him as I’m still living there. I think he’s trying to play the system and make it look like he’s already paying me. I wouldn’t have expected anything yet obviously as I’m still living in the marital home so I wonder is he covering himself to show that he’s been paying me as we are officially separated now?

He’s been extremely helpful in other ways, helping me with my new place, helping to move stuff. This is the first worrying thing I have seen.

He’s begged me not to go through the official channels-you are not going to chase me for CM are you? Promise you won’t chase me for CM? Etc.

Oh he's definitely playing games with the payments then. Have you done a calculation with CMS?

If you haven’t already, can you update the DLA to be paid into your account?

Ask him why he did it. Nicely at the moment as he’s been helpful to you, until you see if he’s At It, at which case you can kick ass.

As far as I know child maintenance isn’t taken into consideration in means tested benefits someone receives.

So perhaps he thought he’d better make it look like that to help you if he thought your benefits could be affected. (I don’t know if yours are affected or not tbh, others will advise hopefully)

Although it’s more likely that he’s trying to make it look like he paid you when he didn’t.

It was fairly small amounts that wouldn’t affect the benefits- £50 for the rubbish and more for the DLA - £300 but not enough to affect anything.

I will be doing that soon, happy to keep sharing it while DS is still full time in the MH but it will need to be paid into my account soon.

Just use CMS. I don’t know why people have such a bad attitude about it. It makes it impartial and get info from HMRC so it’s automatically updated once a year. It’s worth it to me that I never have to speak to ex about CM.

Oh dear. Red flag - a man who will
almost certainly try and screw you over in the future as there’s nothing “official”. What other reason could there be? You must have seen threads on MN about this @UnderWaterAquarium ?

Go through the proper channels. If he wants to give you more then he can but if he wants to give you less, he can’t.

He’s playing nice to keep you onside. It won’t last.

He's a cnut.

Text him. Keep screenshots of his replies. The slime is strong with this one.

Yes he’s been super nice and has offered to fix things in the new place, wants to buy a freezer and fill it with food for the children etc. All really lovely and this is the first red flag since I initiated the separation (EA) Although once I’m officially moved out he won’t be sending me money for other things anyway so he won’t be able to be sneaky?

In the early days of my relationship breakdown I would have sworn blind that my ex wouldn't have played games, but he did he hated paying CMS and still does. The best thing I ever did was contact them and get it all done officially. I don't have to speak to him about anything ( history of abuse)

The amount for the rubbish was a very specific amount and I’ve got the invoice from the rubbish company. I’ve also got screenshots of the withdrawals from the DLA account which is the same amount as he is claiming to be CM. I haven’t mentioned anything to him yet.

Same here, I’m leaving him due to abuse. He’s been so grown up and reasonable since we split. Almost like a whole new, reasonable person. Very helpful, very generous etc.

I expected him to be vengeful and angry so this was unexpected.

Yeah he's trying to be clever.

OP, he's the same piece of shit that abused you.
He is just trying to manipulate you.
Do not trust him for a minute.
You will bitterly regret trusting him.

This 100%
He's just changed tactics.